Dear Coleen: My son’s fiancee is elbowing me out of their wedding plans
He’s my only child and I’d love to be involved in his big day but the bride has arranged her hairdressing and dress shopping without telling me
Dear Coleen
I have one son and he’s my whole world. He got engaged earlier this year and they’re planning their wedding for this Christmas.
Because I don’t have a daughter, I asked his fiancee if I could be involved in the wedding and at the start she said yes. But gradually her and her mum have been leaving me out of the planning.
I wanted them to get married in the church, but my son told me they found a place where they can get married and have the reception. Then I asked if my best friend, who is a hairdresser, could do her and her bridesmaid’s hair, but she’s using her own one.
Now I’ve just found out her and her mum have been shopping for the dress and she’s found one she likes. I was so upset I phoned her up and asked her why I wasn’t invited and she said that dress shopping was something she wanted to do with her own mum and that she didn’t feel right having me there.
I burst into tears and told her that if that’s how she felt I wouldn’t bother coming to the wedding.
Now my son and husband are cross with me and I feel like a happy occasion is turning into something stressful and upsetting. What should I do?
Coleen says
Well I understand your feelings because, as a mum, it’s a massive moment in your life when your child gets married. But you have to accept that weddings tend to be very much about what the bride wants and most
women have an idea of how they want their wedding to be.
As she explained, she’s always dreamt of dress shopping with her mum – so as hard as it is to accept you just have to bite your tongue so you don’t lose your son. How awful would it be if you missed your only child’s wedding day just because you couldn’t go dress shopping?
As for the hairdresser I understand her reasoning. I’ve got my own hairdresser who I’ve known for years and I trust and I would always use. I think you need to speak to your future daughter-in-law and explain how you feel but tell her that you understand it’s her wedding. Then see if there’s anything you can do.
Maybe your son has a few things to plan so you could ask if there’s anything on his list that you could help him sort out.
I just don’t think that one day – which is going to be lovely and sad and happy all at the same time – should be the cause of a family feud. If that means biting your tongue, then bite it off.
