警花的成長-48 battle ground

About her surgery, we contacted an surgeon in the same hospital who has 20 years practice and also board certified surgeon. All the doctors we consulted in this hospital are board certified in their specialty which give us a confidence that they know what they are doing. 

The surgeon discussed with her oncologist and looked at the CT results before we had the discussion. 
醫生說她盡管不是很確定的腫瘤是良性還是惡性。她們傾向於惡性，因為太大而且壓迫周圍大血管。 特別是主動脈附近。

after discussing with the surgeon,we decided to have the surgery to remove it. The surgery was scheduled on Monday. On Saturday, two days before the surgery, I finally reached the point of breakdown. Ever since her new PCP claimed that she had a enlarged spleen, all kinds of thoughts and speculations and worries clouded my mind, I cried many many times, I can't believe I am facing it. Even till Saturday, I still have this tiny hope that tumor is benign, maybe just a cyst... maybe they made it up, maybe it just a bad dream that I couldn't wake up. 
 

every time that I think of they opening her up, expose her organs, my heart will bleed. I would rather grab that tumor myself, step onto it, mash it. 
 

星期一到了，一大早我們帶著警花去醫院。因為是大手術，她們要我早早把她送去，因為要配血型為輸血準備。我的心裏七上八下，怕她不能下手術台，因為腫瘤離大動脈太近了，已經把血管及變形了。又因為COVID, 沒見過醫生，都是電話裏說話。好怕。護士拿來一些表格填寫，問要不要在手術之前跟醫生再次通話，我寫下YES.