Choose Strong
For Tim.
It was that time of the year when, in my hometown across the globe, the wind had
run out of its bitterness, the trees had woken up from their long drab sleep,
and rows and rows of winter wheat had bursted out of the thawing land. For the
people, it was a time to ponder on life's inevitables and to visit ancestors'
resting places. I, however, hadn't stepped in my family graveyard for three years.
An older cousin went on Sunday and sent pictures through WeChat. He then urged me
not to forget that I am Chinese, and more specifically that I am from our proud
hometown. "Let your kid come back and worship his ancestors. Even if he becomes
an American president, let him remember he has roots here." The town did boast a
long history and an unusual number of legendary figures and so did the Chinese
nation. In the age of the global village, however, it felt out of touch at least
to cling so tightly to one's birthplace. I might be biased for my experience but
to a man well-educated as he was (an engineering PhD), I didn't know what to say.
The brief chat with cousin Hu felt one-way. News from my side including a
two-day fast for the QingMing festival and the recent anti-Asian violence did
not elicit any response. It was as if he had just descended Mount Sinai with
the Commandments. "Thou shalt not forget thou art Chinese" sounded more like a
threat that, like it or not, I would be damned if I dared to abandon this idea
no matter how far away I ran.
I did receive the same admonition 20 years ago. A mid-aged Asian-Canadian guest
dropped by our Bible study one evening and after kindly complimenting my English,
enjoined "but don't ever forget you are Chinese." My English at the time, though
"excellent" as he generously put it, failed to allow me to express myself. After
an awkward "Aye, Aye, Captain," what I really thought was: "I had the Chinese
face, blood, and genes in this very body. How could I forget even if I wanted to?"
Today, I suspect that the gentleman meant to warn me of the deep-rooted
discrimination in this land. Only that he did not feel comfortable to say that in
front of many well-meaning white folks that night.
So things seemed to have come a full circle. The answer to that imperative call
is a resounding NEVER no matter who issues the command. But to the elders I would
add "I cannot help it." and to my fellow Asian Americans "Let's fight the demon for
ourselves and for our children."
