Spet 6, 2005

What a day!

 

Today is really a hard day for me! Got up quite early in the morning and headed to university. Met with graduate program coordinator and talked about my course selection. Without saying too much, she refused me to select the web course which she mentioned it was not related to my research subjects. She recommended me to select the available courses in sociology department and strongly recommended me to select the course which would be taught in the evening from 6:30 to 9:30. Thinking about to take an evening course is a nightmare. Just image the heavy snow, cold weather, low temperature, and the never timely bus transits. The worse situation this term for me is that I live quite far away from university and need to transfer transits to arrive in school. However, this was just the first shock of today!

 

Then came the second shock! I was told I would not get more financial supports both from the graduate school and department. I was really disappointed about the result. While as people always says funding will be available for you, which made me to hold much hope on this. Brother said that I need to figure out the problem by myself because there is no more money from parents. The entire bad situation made to think about my decision of going aboard. Dated back to the time when I considered applying for visa. If I had known that without sufficient funding preparation I am going to meet such obstacles, would I still insist to coming to Canada? The answer would be a big NO. Changing another words, if I had known that my coming to Canada accelerated the broken up between I and Kevin, I think I maybe will come here and face all happening. Using this logic, I felt really bad about myself and my emotional attitude towards my own life.

 

However, the worst part is that my decision made my family experienced the same sufferings as I did. They worried about me, although they totally know nothing about my love affair. Only thinking about the financial problems now I am facing, that would make them worry about. What’s more, my bad feeling even made the dearest John to comfort me.

 

Am I a loser?

 

I know life is never easy. But maybe what happened today was just to reminder me what a big mistaken I had made! Aboard studying were just a mistaken and an unhappy ending!

[faithjohn]

i get to say, what you have said above is really important to me. I really appreciated that you looked at my problems as "our problem". I get moved. Actually, i don't care much about whether i could solve my problem or not,or using what kind of way to slove it. I felt very good that you save a coner for me from the bottom of your heart. it is just good that i could a spirt support from you.

[faithjohn]

tell you agian ,do not worry,after all ,you are here now, you can not change and must finish your degree, we do not know one thing is good or not just at the time the thing is really happen, do not worry your future, just enjoy your life now. your problem is just no enough moeny now, that's not a big problem, you just think it is worthless that you cost too much money on this, but who can tell it is worth or not now, we can not, you can tell it is worth or not in costing much noney and four years in your university,do not always think the bad, because we always suffer the bad things, so why not change to think the good aspect. think about me, I have nothing now, I mean nothing!! I waste my money and my gold young life here too, but I never think it is worth or not, I just follow the process I only can do now, I also want to do better, but I just a normal person, I just try whatever I can to change.

ok,even you know what I am writing is just encourging you,so I stop.haha
I just want to say just enjoy your life now, otherwise, you will regret, listen to me, let us overcome our problems together,you know what,I am dreaming the next summer ,that time you graduate and maybe I get the offer from an university also myabe you got one offer too, so we will have a good future and we can enjoy next summer together!!!! so, cheer up now!