青蘋果
(2007-03-28 06:14:09)
下一個
by 五髭須
坐在綠色的椅上,
任頭頂青色的蘋果,
在風中搖蕩。
我想像--
你也坐在綠色的椅上,
和我一起 懷想。
Grantchester, 啊,Grantchester!
多少人慕你炫麗之名,
而我看到你內心的寧靜。
我平日想起Grantchester這個地方,腦子裏就浮現出一片廣闊的綠野,一條寧靜悠然的小河,連帶水中的藍天白雲,在原野上緩緩地流動,安謐而又超然,有點象記憶中童年的夏天,悠長的幾近停滯。然而等我細細地回想,又隻有一個模糊的印象,象看閃子上飛速旋轉的畫片,隻有清晰的片斷,卻如何也無法連貫起來。我甚至不記得它的方位,也模糊了一路上的風景。於是我便感歎到底是老了,記憶是日漸衰退;畢竟,僅僅是幾年前的事情。
那一天的劍橋雨過天晴。此行最後的一個報告做完了,所有的工作已經結束,明天就將離開。熱情溫厚的主人提議,一起出去走一走。這個夏天的英倫溽熱多雨,與以往不同的是,大多時候都是瞬息來去的熱帶陣雨,不象一向的陰鬱沉悶。因之雨過後,總是格外的清新明亮,澄碧的藍天就象剛擦拭過的琉璃;綠野如茵,水珠在枝葉間無聲地流動,一切都顯得幹淨透明,在疲憊的夏日,更有一種柔嫩的燦爛。
我們漫步於康河兩岸,輕鬆而漫無目的。雨剛停,遊人不多,小城顯得很安靜,窄小的街巷響著空洞的腳步,混合著曆史的回聲。主人是個典型的英國紳士,詼諧健談,對這個城市的過往,科學家們的掌故軼事了如指掌,娓娓道來,真是妙趣橫生。走著走著,忽然間腦子裏就想起一個地方,於是問他,這裏是否有個茶館很有名。主人一臉茫然,不知所以。幾回問答之後,腦子裏的印象愈加清晰。我便告訴他,有一個茶館,是詩人們聚會的地方,那裏有一個果園,種滿了蘋果樹。主人恍然大悟:Ah, Grantchester! Grantchester Tea Garden! 於是欣然要陪我前往。
我謝絕了他的好意,叫了一輛出租車獨自上路。事實上更好的方式是租一條船,順著康河一路撐去,大致也就是二、三公裏;或者是步行。但我沒有更多的時間。路很近,出劍橋便在原野上蜿蜒穿行。路兩邊多是齊腰高的蘆葦,已經有蘆花飛絮。蘆葦之外是廣闊的牧場,四野平疇,綠的沁人心脾。時而便見五花的奶牛,三五成群地嚼草,尾巴悠閑地搖晃。天很藍,碧空如洗;一朵朵浮動的白雲,悠然地注視著下麵悠閑的大地。
十來分鍾就到了,看上去是一個普通農家的小莊園。一進門,是粗沙鋪就的前院,幾株高大的榆樹,綠意盎然。一棟不大的獨立房子,簷下探出深綠的遮陽布。房子顯得舊了,已見風雨的剝蝕。走到房子近前,才發現後院才是果園,幾十株蘋果樹錯落有致,樹下四散擺著桌子和躺椅,一色的深綠。蘋果樹後,又是一個小小的牧場,康河則從綠草的邊緣婉婉流過。
我要了一壺茶,淡淡的Earl Grey茶水有點苦澀而清涼。園子裏靜悄悄的,隻有我一個人,坐在蘋果樹下。頭頂微微搖曳的青蘋果,精致的英國瓷器讓這個下午遠離塵囂,顯得安謐而溫馨。有幾瓣蘋果花飄然墜落,齊腰高的蘆葦窸窸低語。我有點神思恍惚,身子就象微風中的蘋果,忽然間就失去了力量,萎頓在椅子裏冥想。
Grantchester Tea Garden這個蘋果園,原來隻是一個無人知曉的普通園子。因為離劍橋近,又緊靠康河,常常便有師生或是撐了船、或是走了來小憩。停下來後,往往便在草地上野餐,女主人便也如常地煮一壺茶,請這些客人品嚐她新鮮烘烤的小餅幹。漸漸口耳相傳,來者越來越多,劍橋的學者與詩人尤其喜歡在這裏聚會,打發下午茶的時光。詩人拜倫、濟慈,數理邏輯學家羅素,意識流的開山人作家伍爾芙等,當年都是這裏的常客。但Grantchester Garden之為人知曉,卻是因為一個不太為外界所知的詩人布魯克。
布魯克一生事跡其實乏善可陳,詩作也無過人之處,出了英倫三島,恐怕是知者寥寥。這個麵目有點象肯尼迪的英國青年,俊朗佻達,笑容也象年輕時的肯尼迪,無邪中帶著一絲羞澀。他在劍橋上學的時候,寄住在果園的莊房,每天得以享用女主人的茶點,度過了一段寧靜快樂的生活。這個被濟慈稱為是英格蘭最英俊的年輕人,熱情洋溢,時而也放浪形骸,白日縱酒,青春作歌,成為無數少女青睞的對象,自不免有許多纏綿曖昧的情愫。廳房和走廊裏依次排列的照片紀錄了他那一段奔放無羈的日子,讓人聯想起竹林七賢流水行雲般的恣意。帶著對這一段美好生活的回憶,他後來從軍,參加第一次世界大戰。他於倥傯的軍旅中曾經深情地寫道:
God! I will pack, and take a train,
And get me to England once again!
For England's the one land, I know,
Where men with Splendid Hearts may go;
And Cambridgeshire, of all England,
The shire for Men who Understand;
And of that district I prefer
The lovely hamlet Grantchester.
字裏行間充滿懷念。此後不久布魯克死於戰地,懷抱著一個永遠的遺憾,也留下了一個永久的傳奇。
許多年後這個樸素寧靜的果園成為另外一個詩人留連的地方。這個從遙遠中國來的年輕人,有著同樣俊朗而羞澀的笑容。徐誌摩留學劍橋時成日無所事事,既無心向學,也不願忍受課堂的冷澀和清寒,Grantchester很自然便成為他流連忘返的樂園。誌摩的學問是一塌糊塗,既不學也不問,終其一生也無所成。弄得我後來讀《圍城》,總以為方鴻漸便是影射徐誌摩,而蘇文紈所指何人則不言自明了。這個時候的誌摩,大概每天都坐在蘋果樹下思想林徽音,構思著他的情詩。正如他所說:
那榆蔭下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻間,
沉澱著彩虹似的夢。
他在那裏做了一個彩虹般的夢。那個夢,直到他死去的一刻,大概也沒有醒來。而他自己,那麽一個熱烈而浪漫的生命,卻因為那個夢,長久地為後來的少男少女們景仰。
這兩個人是如此的相似,恍如互為映像。同樣的氣質,從事同樣的職業,同樣如彗星一般英年早逝,也同樣地在自己的語言圈子裏如日中天卻不為外麵的世界所知。他們都不朽,卻不是因為自己的事業和成就,甚至也不是因為文學上的造詣,而是因為他們所張揚的個性及其真誠,因了那一種勇敢和浪漫。這兩個性情中人,不曾被世俗的藩籬所羈絆,一心隻憑了對美和自由的向往,對熱情與浪漫人生的追求,將生命的熱量和張力,將愛的甘甜和苦澀,演繹到淋漓盡致。
生命短暫而璀璨,那一種瞬間奪目的光芒,讓人目眩心迷,也讓人升華。那是人性的光輝,也是人生的華美。布魯克和徐誌摩,都是這種人生哲學的實踐者,也都因為不能成就的愛,成就了他們的不朽。
而我自己呢?在那個下午我踏著柳枝間、榆蔭下金色的陽光,象誌摩一樣輕輕地來,悄悄地坐在蘋果樹下。頭上青嫩的蘋果在微風中輕輕搖曳,空氣中是野草的氣息。那個靜靜的下午,在緘默無聲的康河邊,我任自己的思緒遨遊。我想起我自己的人生,也想起一個人。此刻她正行走在旅途上,她在哪裏呢?一切都還好嗎?也許就在近在咫尺的劍橋,也許她的腳正踏在我留下的腳印上。但我不可能知道。她曾經象身邊的這條河,靜靜地流進我的生活,又靜靜地流過去,然而卻不肯流出我的視野,總是在我要轉過頭去的時候,鬼使神差般地出現在地平線上,就那麽靜靜地看著我。
我還想了很多。我知道在我人生的旅途上,悲憫的上蒼曾經慷慨地把一份無比珍貴的禮物放在我的手上,比水晶還要透明,比鑽石更加無價。我小心翼翼地將它捧在眼前,充滿驚奇地凝視著它、摩撫著它,愛不釋手。然而最終我放棄了這份不可再得的賜予。那一刻,我知道自己遺失了生命的花果,一種世間無與倫比的美好在掌顧間奄奄流失。那種損失不可彌補,窮我一生的成就與聲望,以我一生跋涉所獲得的曆練與智慧,都無法相比。我清醒地意識到,我生命的熱情正如身邊的康河緩緩流逝,有一天,生命本身也將象眼前青色的蘋果,尚未完滿便悄然墜落,在蔓草之間腐敗。這一切都不可逆轉,而我無能為力,隻能坐看歲月流逝。
於是我懂得生之寂寞,愛之無奈。因為摯愛,我選擇離開;因為思念,所以遠行。我知道那一份哀愁,在漫漫的人生道路上將始終與我同行,直到生命的終結。但是我並不孤獨,或者說我不害怕孤獨。就比如眼前我獨自坐在這個悄無聲息的果園裏,獨自孤獨地想:這個世界時常讓我不知所措,每當此時,我仿佛就看到寂寞天穹裏有一雙眼睛,它就那麽充滿愛憐地看著我。在許多萬籟俱寂的長夜裏,那深情卻又無奈的目光溫暖了一個孤獨的旅人。
附一:Rupert Brooke的詩歌
The Old Vicarage, Grantchester
(Café des Westens, Berlin, May 1912)
by Rupert Brooke (1887-1915)
Just now the lilac is in bloom,
All before my little room;
And in my flower-beds, I think,
Smile the carnation and the pink;
And down the borders, well I know,
The poppy and the pansy blow . . .
Oh! there the chestnuts, summer through,
Beside the river make for you
A tunnel of green gloom, and sleep
Deeply above; and green and deep
The stream mysterious glides beneath,
Green as a dream and deep as death.
---Oh, damn! I know it! and I know
How the May fields all golden show,
And when the day is young and sweet,
Gild gloriously the bare feet
That run to bathe . . . Du lieber Gott!
Here am I, sweating, sick, and hot,
And there the shadowed waters fresh
Lean up to embrace the naked flesh.
Temperamentvoll German Jews
Drink beer around;---and there the dews
Are soft beneath a morn of gold.
Here tulips bloom as they are told;
Unkempt about those hedges blows
An English unofficial rose;
And there the unregulated sun
Slopes down to rest when day is done,
And wakes a vague unpunctual star,
A slippered Hesper; and there are
Meads towards Haslingfield and Coton
Where das Betreten's not verboten.
. . . would I were
In Grantchester, in Grantchester!---
Some, it may be, can get in touch
With Nature there, or Earth, or such.
And clever modern men have seen
A Faun a-peeping through the green,
And felt the Classics were not dead,
To glimpse a Naiad's reedy head,
Or hear the Goat-foot piping low: . . .
But these are things I do not know.
I only know that you may lie
Day long and watch the Cambridge sky,
And, flower-lulled in sleepy grass,
Hear the cool lapse of hours pass,
Until the centuries blend and blur
In Grantchester, in Grantchester. . . .
Still in the dawnlit waters cool
His ghostly Lordship swims his pool,
And tries the strokes, essays the tricks,
Long learnt on Hellespont, or Styx.
Dan Chaucer hears his river still
Chatter beneath a phantom mill.
Tennyson notes, with studious eye,
How Cambridge waters hurry by . . .
And in that garden, black and white,
Creep whispers through the grass all night;
And spectral dance, before the dawn,
A hundred Vicars down the lawn;
Curates, long dust, will come and go
On lissom, clerical, printless toe;
And oft between the boughs is seen
The sly shade of a Rural Dean . . .
Till, at a shiver in the skies,
Vanishing the Satanic cries,
The prim ecclesiastic rout
Leaves but a startled sleeper-out,
Grey heavens, the first bird's drowsy calls,
The falling house that never falls.
God! I will pack, and take a train,
And get me to England once again!
For England's the one land, I know,
Where men with Splendid Hearts may go;
And Cambridgeshire, of all England,
The shire for Men who Understand;
And of that district I prefer
The lovely hamlet Grantchester.
For Cambridge people rarely smile,
Being urban, squat, and packed with guile;
And Royston men in the far South
Are black and fierce and strange of mouth;
At Over they fling oaths at one,
And worse than oaths at Trumpington,
And Ditton girls are mean and dirty,
And there's none in Harston under thirty,
And folks in Shelford and those parts
Have twisted lips and twisted hearts,
And Barton men make Cockney rhymes,
And Coton's full of nameless crimes,
And things are done you'd not believe
At Madingley on Christmas Eve.
Strong men have run for miles and miles,
When one from Cherry Hinton smiles;
Strong men have blanched, and shot their wives,
Rather than send them to St. Ives;
Strong men have cried like babes, bydam,
To hear what happened at Babraham.
But Grantchester! ah, Grantchester!
There's peace and holy quiet there,
Great clouds along pacific skies,
And men and women with straight eyes,
Lithe children lovelier than a dream,
A bosky wood, a slumbrous stream,
And little kindly winds that creep
Round twilight corners, half asleep.
In Grantchester their skins are white;
They bathe by day, they bathe by night;
The women there do all they ought;
The men observe the Rules of Thought.
They love the Good; they worship Truth;
They laugh uproariously in youth;
(And when they get to feeling old,
They up and shoot themselves, I'm told) . . .
Ah God! to see the branches stir
Across the moon at Grantchester!
To smell the thrilling-sweet and rotten
Unforgettable, unforgotten
River-smell, and hear the breeze
Sobbing in the little trees.
Say, do the elm-clumps greatly stand
Still guardians of that holy land?
The chestnuts shade, in reverend dream,
The yet unacademic stream?
Is dawn a secret shy and cold
Anadyomene, silver-gold?
And sunset still a golden sea
From Haslingfield to Madingley?
And after, ere the night is born,
Do hares come out about the corn?
Oh, is the water sweet and cool,
Gentle and brown, above the pool?
And laughs the immortal river still
Under the mill, under the mill?
Say, is there Beauty yet to find?
And Certainty? and Quiet kind?
Deep meadows yet, for to forget
The lies, and truths, and pain? . . . oh! yet
Stands the Church clock at ten to three?
And is there honey still for tea?
附二:徐誌摩《再別康橋》
再別康橋
輕輕的我走了,
正如我輕輕的來;
我輕輕的招手,
作別西天的雲彩。
那河畔的金柳,
是夕陽中的新娘;
波光裏的豔影,
在我的心頭蕩漾。
軟泥上的青荇,
油油的在水底招搖;
在康河的柔波裏,
我甘心做一條水草!
那榆蔭下的一潭,
不是清泉,是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻間,
沉澱著彩虹似的夢。
尋夢?撐一支長篙,
向青草更青處漫溯,
滿載一船星輝,
在星輝斑斕裏放歌。
但我不能放歌,
悄悄是別離的笙簫;
夏蟲也為我沉默,
沉默是今晚的康橋。
悄悄的我走了,
正如我悄悄的來;
我揮一揮衣袖,
不帶走一片雲彩。