12/29 Wed

Xmas was alright, B and I spent a sweet weekend together. Sat, we both exhausted, he had duty the day before, so basically no sleep at all on Friday night, and I, driving course, Xmas food shopping, cleaning and preparing Xmas dinner... Anyway, dinner was good, everybody was happy, and sleeping in on Sunday was even better, finally we could relax a bit. Its getting cold in Tokyo, and we stayed in for the whole day, doing nothing, just lying next to each other, talking about stuff, taking naps, watching movies... It seems our relationship is getting back on the rails, even though there are big gaps between us when it comes to the topics of relationship, commitment and marriage. We have our own different opinions on those stuff, which is understandable, since we are on very different stages of life. But the point is, to communicate, we notice the differences, and respect each other, not trying to convince each other, so I guess its cool. To be honest, I still dont know what I am looking for from B or our relationship, but I dont wanna over think on it, which would only bother and annoy myself. I enjoy his companionship and I am happy to be with him, so I can just focus on the positive side, instead of worrying about things I cant control or change. Let love find its way to me, I feel much more relieved when I stop trying to imagine any future with B.

For B, when he dating a girl, which automatically means to be exclusive, which means a relationship. But for Tokyo's standard (alright, my standard also), dating is much more casual, people could date a few at the same time, and choose the best match for a relationship. So for me, when I say a relationship, I expect a lot more, which doesnt match his definition, thats why we had a lot argument at the beginning. Now the mystery is solved, so things are getting much easier. I said to B, 'Baby, I cant say that I love you forever, cos I cant guarantee things I dont know, but I do love you now, and maybe next 5 mins too...' He was laughing, he got my point, lol.

Monday, billiard bar and drinking with coworker Tomo, Tue, a quiet night, tonite, team drinks again, tomorrow, maybe drinks with Marc... I dont know why, all of a sudden, the end of this year getting busy, I am supposed to go to gym every night this week, but... Anyway 2010 is about to end, I had an amazing year, lots of dramas again, some accomplishment, some regret, some crazy drunk nights... I had fun, I guess thats the most important thing. And I am very looking forward to 2011, cant wait to see what life brings to me next.