6/25 星期四

最近又開始準備找工作, 實在無法忍受錢太少的窘迫感, 天上掉錢的夢想一時間還無法實現, 隻好老老實實的從UPDATE RESUME開始. 跟一個朋友講, 忙不要緊, 累不要緊, 隻要錢多, 我現在是唯利是圖, 朋友笑言, 誰不是呢? 錢乃生活之本, 揭開了表皮, 生活就是這麽現實. 這年頭, 有錢的男人靠不住, 沒錢的你靠他什麽, 所以, 靠人不如靠己, 家底豐厚一些, 談戀愛的底氣都足三分. 我的人生最大追求就是自由, 想工作的時候工作, 想旅遊的時候旅遊, 上天入地, 隨心所欲, 而保障這一切的最基本條件恐怕就是錢了, 很多很多的錢. 如果我銀行戶頭上現有500萬, 我會立即辭掉工作, 先去歐洲住上3個月再說. 周末去買張彩票吧, LOL.

最近對jogging越來越上癮, 不去GYM的晚上就到樓下河邊跑, 有種一天不跑就心神不定的感覺, 看來什麽東西都能讓人addicted. 主要是我最近精力過剩, 如果不跑步, 就總有種想要折騰點什麽的感覺, 所以, 為了我自己的生命安全和世界和平, 我還是把精力發散到跑步上比較好. 我喜歡跑步時能聽見自己心跳的感覺, 幾趟下來, 大腦一片空白, 全身的細胞都在用力呼吸, its addiction, definitely. 每天晚飯都是yogurt外加幾塊cheese和水果, 然後30分鍾的jogging, 減肥效果極其明顯, 迫不及待的想要show off, oh... and I have got another new bikini, YEAH! 昨晚臨睡前, 趴在床上看05年的電影[Into the blue], by Paul Walker and Jessica Alba, 俊男美女, 風景美如天堂的PANAMA, 很心動, 想去潛水, and jet-ski.

關於我和Kevin, 最近得到眾多suggestions and advices, 具體如下,

朋友Xu的意見, "你腦筋轉得太快, 不是每個人都能跟上, 所以要耐心一些..." (我缺乏耐心, 是人人皆知的秘密, LOL)

F同學的意見, "he might not be selfish, he just wasnt thinking for you, wasnt thinking so much..." (... so is that too demanding to ask him to think for me???)

Takako的意見, "你喜歡simple guys, 但你的想法太複雜, 既然他們simple, 就不可能立刻完全理解你的要求..." (right, I want simple guys, but not stupid guys... there is difference.)

老娘的意見, "忍耐, 遷讓, 互相體諒, 好好相處..." (...no comments.)

Dave的意見, "Jess, you are like a little baby, always want instant satisfaction, but life is more complicated..." (well, Dave really knows me, I have to say...)

Actually its not all his fault, I know it so clearly that sometimes what people say is not what they really mean, so deep inside I can hardly believe what Kevin says, even though it might be what he really means, but I have too much doubt, which annoying me all the time. Monday night, we talked on the phone, he just backed home from work, sounded very tired. Maybe I should try to understand his job more, it might be more stressful than I could imagine, I dont know, its another world than mine. I asked, "Do you think I get into you too much? any pressure? if you want me to step back a bit, I could do that, just let me know..." Kevin was so confused, "Back where??? what you talking about? is there anything wrong??? you are being gay (his slang, means weird)..." I was trying to explain my point, but then thought never mind, lets just go with the flow, its so fucking exhausting to logicalize everything. Well, there are some good qualities he has which I really appreciate, like he never played his cellphone during our dates, not even checked it, which also explains why he always misses out my messages... He doesnt chat online often, has no online flirting habbit, doesnt give vague answers about our relationship... So, we will see. I try what I can do.

SLEEPY...!!!