jgey的單身日記
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正文
一片混沌之中。。。
周日一夜未眠。在網上閑逛的時候，看到一張照片，照片裏的人像極mario，這並不要緊，最最吸引我視線的是他左手無名指上的戒指！那一刻我的感覺是freaked out，回想起來，好像從來沒有問過mario是否已婚，想當然的assuming he is single。Totally freaked out, 我反複把那張照片放大縮小得看來看去，越看越覺得是mario，然後徹底抓狂，我需要立即知道答案，我沒有耐心，我坐立不安！他是否已婚，這不是point，point是，他是否一直試圖隱瞞事實。愛不愛，這是感情問題，不能勉強，但對我說謊，這是侮辱我的智商，不可原諒。I was supposed to finish my resume as soon as possible, but I couldnt stop thinking about that picture, and all the issues related, it driving me crazy.
清晨11點，我已經疲倦不堪，收到Mario的短信，我立刻把我想了無數遍的問題發了出去。很久，回信，他說他已經離婚，是一段非常短暫的婚姻i，所以從未提起；我又問了數次whether he is totally clear with that，他回答yes, yes, yes...我相信他現在沒有處於婚姻狀態，但是有些部分，他沒有完全講實話，I am a very logical person, he cant fool me with logics, I just know. I told him, if there is something wrong, warn me before I fall, 我想我說得已經非常明確了，Mario回答，希望保持現有的狀態，我以為，I pushed on this, the balance broke, we either went ahead, or totally done, but now the situation was getting into a very weird balanced level. 我和Mario好像買大白菜一樣，對我們的關係討價還價，為了避免我走極端，means totally done，Mario願意讓步the leadership in our f buddies relationship. 我沒有想象中的那麽難過，很快就進入角色，為自己爭取更大“利益”而交涉，其實這樣對我也是一種解脫，我可以重新進入dating cycle，而完全無需內疚，mentally relieved. 我們最終達成協議，在lover or nothing之間，建立一種不穩定的平衡，f buddies, Mario said he would be as sweet as usual, I thought he was retarded to say that, to keep this work, we both have to be cool, fuck that sweet! 一瞬間，我覺得，Mario智商沒我高，鬥狠耍COOL也比不過我，then what I like about this guy except his performance in bed??? LOL!
Anyway, 和Mario過招後，我的下一個“對手”是recruiting公司。我穿著黑色西褲，配了雙極其豔紅的Jimmy Choo鞋，負責和我談話的是個日本女人，很溫柔的樣子，且懷孕中。她很詳細的問我的職務經曆，我昨晚在精神恍惚中匆忙寫成的resume實在有夠糟，看樣子要全部重新寫；有時候她問得太過具體，我實在記不得2年前的每一天都做了什麽，覺得自己好像失憶症一樣，made myself look retarded. 講了一個小時，然後又換一個老外進來，估計是為了確定真實的英文水準，說實話，用英文講比日文容易多了，我已經對我N個朋友explained why i wanna change job in english, so i even didnt need time to think. Btw, this guy was quite cute, tall, good looking, a little weird accent, but definitely american, his name is Sean. Sean asked me why i wanna change job, I said, "you wanna know the true reason, or the right reason?" He laughed, "you can be honest with us, its not like the interview by the firm which is considering to hire you." Then I told him the true reason, my retarded boss, and cheap company, of cos, I didnt mention the ass fucker part, didnt want people misunderstand that I was against gays. Sean asked, "anything more?" I gave him the look, which said "this is not bad enough???" "Yeah, more than 80% for this 2 reasons, I totally understand", Sean got my look. Anyway, after 20 mins waiting in that damn humid meeting room, and I was starving like hell, finally the japanese lady showed up, with some companies information. She thought I could apply for those positions according to my experiences and the requirements of those companies, but after all, I need to write a new version resume, which braggs my skills and experiences more to attract those companies, that is the pain in the ass.
回家的路上，想重新考慮一下和Mario的協議，結果在電車上睡著。下車後，風雨交加，本想醞釀一下悲哀的情緒，結果耗時許久，也擠不出一滴眼淚，隻好恨恨的罵了幾遍F word。人家都說“愛如潮水”，我的愛，或許應該說，affection，如自來水，說來就來，說走就走，連個傷心的場麵都湊不出來，或許是因為我對Mario的感情還不夠深切，Thank God!!!
relationship, career, 一切都有一種百廢待興的感覺，a fresh start is always good, 我覺得有更多的可能性和希望在前麵。
周日一夜未眠。在網上閑逛的時候，看到一張照片，照片裏的人像極mario，這並不要緊，最最吸引我視線的是他左手無名指上的戒指！那一刻我的感覺是freaked out，回想起來，好像從來沒有問過mario是否已婚，想當然的assuming he is single。Totally freaked out, 我反複把那張照片放大縮小得看來看去，越看越覺得是mario，然後徹底抓狂，我需要立即知道答案，我沒有耐心，我坐立不安！他是否已婚，這不是point，point是，他是否一直試圖隱瞞事實。愛不愛，這是感情問題，不能勉強，但對我說謊，這是侮辱我的智商，不可原諒。I was supposed to finish my resume as soon as possible, but I couldnt stop thinking about that picture, and all the issues related, it driving me crazy.
清晨11點，我已經疲倦不堪，收到Mario的短信，我立刻把我想了無數遍的問題發了出去。很久，回信，他說他已經離婚，是一段非常短暫的婚姻i，所以從未提起；我又問了數次whether he is totally clear with that，他回答yes, yes, yes...我相信他現在沒有處於婚姻狀態，但是有些部分，他沒有完全講實話，I am a very logical person, he cant fool me with logics, I just know. I told him, if there is something wrong, warn me before I fall, 我想我說得已經非常明確了，Mario回答，希望保持現有的狀態，我以為，I pushed on this, the balance broke, we either went ahead, or totally done, but now the situation was getting into a very weird balanced level. 我和Mario好像買大白菜一樣，對我們的關係討價還價，為了避免我走極端，means totally done，Mario願意讓步the leadership in our f buddies relationship. 我沒有想象中的那麽難過，很快就進入角色，為自己爭取更大“利益”而交涉，其實這樣對我也是一種解脫，我可以重新進入dating cycle，而完全無需內疚，mentally relieved. 我們最終達成協議，在lover or nothing之間，建立一種不穩定的平衡，f buddies, Mario said he would be as sweet as usual, I thought he was retarded to say that, to keep this work, we both have to be cool, fuck that sweet! 一瞬間，我覺得，Mario智商沒我高，鬥狠耍COOL也比不過我，then what I like about this guy except his performance in bed??? LOL!
Anyway, 和Mario過招後，我的下一個“對手”是recruiting公司。我穿著黑色西褲，配了雙極其豔紅的Jimmy Choo鞋，負責和我談話的是個日本女人，很溫柔的樣子，且懷孕中。她很詳細的問我的職務經曆，我昨晚在精神恍惚中匆忙寫成的resume實在有夠糟，看樣子要全部重新寫；有時候她問得太過具體，我實在記不得2年前的每一天都做了什麽，覺得自己好像失憶症一樣，made myself look retarded. 講了一個小時，然後又換一個老外進來，估計是為了確定真實的英文水準，說實話，用英文講比日文容易多了，我已經對我N個朋友explained why i wanna change job in english, so i even didnt need time to think. Btw, this guy was quite cute, tall, good looking, a little weird accent, but definitely american, his name is Sean. Sean asked me why i wanna change job, I said, "you wanna know the true reason, or the right reason?" He laughed, "you can be honest with us, its not like the interview by the firm which is considering to hire you." Then I told him the true reason, my retarded boss, and cheap company, of cos, I didnt mention the ass fucker part, didnt want people misunderstand that I was against gays. Sean asked, "anything more?" I gave him the look, which said "this is not bad enough???" "Yeah, more than 80% for this 2 reasons, I totally understand", Sean got my look. Anyway, after 20 mins waiting in that damn humid meeting room, and I was starving like hell, finally the japanese lady showed up, with some companies information. She thought I could apply for those positions according to my experiences and the requirements of those companies, but after all, I need to write a new version resume, which braggs my skills and experiences more to attract those companies, that is the pain in the ass.
回家的路上，想重新考慮一下和Mario的協議，結果在電車上睡著。下車後，風雨交加，本想醞釀一下悲哀的情緒，結果耗時許久，也擠不出一滴眼淚，隻好恨恨的罵了幾遍F word。人家都說“愛如潮水”，我的愛，或許應該說，affection，如自來水，說來就來，說走就走，連個傷心的場麵都湊不出來，或許是因為我對Mario的感情還不夠深切，Thank God!!!
relationship, career, 一切都有一種百廢待興的感覺，a fresh start is always good, 我覺得有更多的可能性和希望在前麵。
我覺得,這樣"折騰著"的狀態比一潭死水的狀態要有意思得多,無論是和MARIO的關係,還是關於工作,在一天內被我攪了個夠,發現許多新的空間和機會,這種感覺讓我很興奮.
Mario cant hurt me, he might be able to before, but not now, i think i have picked up the right time to push on this matter. I feel quite relieved now, and very excited for getting back to the dating status, while keeping mario as a backup plan for sexual needs, this sounds perfect. its tough to get everything i need from one particular guy, so get different stuff from different guys, its a solution.
i dont wanna dump mario yet, before i find a replacement, as a f buddy, he is absolutely awesome, sex with him is too good to give up.
是嗎？女孩子再"狠"再“cool”也到不了哪裏，基因決定一切。 F buddy 也不是那麽好當的， 要能提的起放得下。那麽親密的事都做了， 要想沒有一點感情的牽連是不太可能的， 特別是對女孩子而言，真正能達到那一種“境界”的是少之又少。我所見的 F buddies總是有一方比另外一方更attached, 不可能有所謂的平衡的。結果不是進化成情侶，就是鬧得不可開交，而且時間越長問題越多。"Sweetness" 是肯定不能要的，leave that for a real relationship. 有些人可能會覺得這樣的關係省心，但實際上因人而異，如果沒有一定的心理承受能力還是較傳統的relationships更輕鬆容易一點。怎麽說呢，沒有金剛鑽，別攬瓷器活。