2/21 星期三

真是鬱悶的一天.

昨晚Mario從衝繩回東京, 直接過來我家, 這是我們第一次stay over nite together. He took a few days off, and I planned not to work today for spending the whole day and night with him, we planned a lot, he brought new movies, I cleaned my place, and... Its supposed to be an opportunity for us to get to know each other more, and maybe something would work out for us.

我告訴他東京昨晚很冷, 和衝繩的天氣不一樣, 結果Mario還是隻穿了條及膝的短褲, 於是, 理所當然的感冒了. 在車站他抱住我的一瞬間, 我確確實實的感覺到甜蜜. Its a wonderful nite, we had incredible sex, and watched [clerks 2] together, well, its the 6th time for me, still funny. Everything was perfect, except his cold, at the beginning Mario just sniffing a lot, then started coughing... This morning, when I asked him what he wanted for breakfast, his face all red, for sure, he was having a fever! Poor Mario, I had no idea what to do, this just the situation I had never expected. Anyway, the best solution he figured out was to go back to the base, and see a doctor, he didnt want to make me sick as well. Mario said actually he was a little sick in the ship already, which made me dislike that dumb ship more, I didnt know why he could not just get off that ship, and try to get a better position in the base. If Mario didnt have to travel with that crazy ship all around, we might get more time to meet up. Next time I should just date an airforce guy, who had to land daily at least, LOL!

I came to office afternoon, you couldnt imagine how frustrated I felt. How could this kinda shit happen to me??? We could hardly arrange a date for a few hours, and for the first time, we made a plan to stay together for one whole day and two nites, then he got sick!!! The timing is never right for us, maybe this is the sign, I should just take it, and stop making any effort for this dumb thing.

I was happy when I with Mario, I think I really like him a lot, and I can do nothing... F!!!

[jgey]

To ttmouse:
thank you so much for the comment, and being supporting all the time. its not the time to make any decision yet now...we will see =)

蠍子同學, 你跑到哪裏去了...這麽久都不見人影...
我覺得, 內傷是因為你有情, 太CASUAL的人也不快樂, they secretly dream of the true love, the cruelest and the most hurtful true love, cos the pain makes the love so real and vivid, makes people feel they are alive...

[小蠍子]

有時候, 我希望自己能灑脫點, 但次次踩下去後, 就總是很內傷...

所以人和人真的很不同啊... 我真想換一顆心...

好久沒來, 問個好, 新年快樂!!!

[ttmouse]

I sincerely have the empathy for you. I admire your courage to follow your heart. From your diary, the reality of the relationship with Mario is a bit rough. For a relationship may lead to settle down, I would not recommend him. For a passionate lover, I would say "Yes." For romance, well, maybe. Besides your free spirit, you still have time to poker around. So, feel lucky for the one great night. Bear me a minute for saying my experience. I am able to write off men faster and easier as I gets older. Simply because of I know what exactly what I want, which as well comes from the price I have paid for my mistakes. However, I never regret. Even if at middle age, one still can have the best love(passion, romance, commitment, etc) if God takes care H/She. And I think God will not forget the sexy, naughty you.