2/5 星期一

周一, 遲到, 地鐵竟然有座位, 旁邊的外國老大爺的香水味道濃鬱得可以殺死一火車皮的蚊子, 我的生命力比蚊子強, 穩坐到六本木車站. 中午去GYM, 遇見MARC, 好久不見, 意外的發現他還算是個PRETTY BOY. MARC說他可能要轉職去香港, 這年頭怎麽人人都在換工作?! 我這些天也一直想去香港, 賦閑一段時間, 一個在香港的朋友可以讓我住他的公寓, 聽起來還是很誘人的. 有一種衝動, 想立即辭掉工作, 換個地方住幾天, 然後再考慮將來, 如果還有將來的話. 這個想法在我腦子裏反複折騰, 僅存的一點點理智拉著我的滿腦子的混亂, 告訴我要考慮下一步先. 其實一個人要玩DISAPPEAR, 也是需要很大的勇氣的, 我的顧慮太多, 於是, 被牢牢栓在東京, 困獸猶鬥.



周末還算愉快. 周六去做頭發, 然後去SHIBUYA取之前訂的DRESS, 交錢的時候, 很強烈的心痛的感覺, 發誓這個月再不買任何東西, 如果我能一直記得這個誓言的話. 和MARIO約定的時間從7點改為8點, 於是利用一個小時的時間和軼一起喝咖啡, 她也恰好在SHIBUYA. 軼又開始幻想回國發展, 每次她和國內來的人聊天後都"發病", 總記不得當初她是怎麽從國內跑回東京來的, 人都是這樣, 喜歡追求人家有自己無的東西, 結果追到後卻發現, 切, 什麽玩意! 然後悔得一蹋糊塗.



和MARIO在一起的時間過得很愉快, 超出我的預料. 我們上一次見麵, 兩個人都似乎無話可說, 沉悶至極, 讓我有一瞬間的想法,--是不是不該再見MARIO了? 這一次, 不知道我們是不是潛意識的在試圖彌補什麽, 除了做我們最愛做的事情以外, 兩個人, 話都格外的多. MARIO告訴我他20歲的時候, 鼻子, 舌頭, 耳朵都打了PIERCE, 我拉著他的舌頭, 試圖在上麵找PIERCE的痕跡, 難以想象MARIO20歲的時候究竟是什麽樣子, 滿臉金屬部件的PUNK? 哈! Later he said he had duty on Sunday, I said I gonna clean my room, kinda messy, cos I am not very organized, and asked if he is an organized person. Mario said, he's organized at work, and his financial situation is organized well, but "my personal life is not organized at all". What the hell that means??? Sounds like he has a few kids around the world with all different mothers, LOL! I didnt ask, even though I did want to, but I couldnt, its too personal, and none of my business.



A few days ago, I had a talk with Mario, and we both agree that we dont want more. He said he likes what we have now, and for me, I just never be able to figure out if I really want more with Mario, I dont think love is powerful enough to change everything. George thinks that I made a mistake, that I should not make this issue so clear by now. He thinks I should leave the option open, Mario might be a not bad choice, as long as we happy together. But I really...dont think that I could give up my life, and follow him to different navy bases around the world. Life is practical, and love should be as well...should it??? Sooner or later, I need to cut this off, but its just so tough, Mario is like drug to me, I am so addicted already... Now you got the point why I wanna run away to HK so much? Tokyo just full of mess, all the time...

[jgey]

hahaha...at least, they have fun! why have to care abt the result so much? life is to enjoy, not to suffer. if i cant change the flow, at least i can try to enjoy it in some different way.

there are 2 types of football players, one is those so-called winners, all they care is the score, they wanna win, the game is not just a game any more for them. the other is those players, who love the game, and have a lot fun in the game, but not very serious abt the score.

its all abt the attitude.

[G.C.]

Don't you know that all gamblers leave casino empty-handed, regardless which game they played?

[jgey]

well...I am an opportunist, new city might bring me new opportunities, hopefully...its like you go gambling, if you get bad luck at roulette, maybe its time to try blackjack...you would never know whats waiting for you at the next corner until you go through it.

like you said, things are not that bad in tokyo, i guess i just get bored, and need something new...that is all =)

[G.C.]

Given your personality, how do you know that you won't make a mess in HK after a year or two? Doesn't seem like things are so bad in Tokyo that you need a fresh start elsewhere. After the initial excitement of living in a new city fades away, you'll find the rat race is the same everywhere, unless you move to an island in the Caribbean.