麵對死亡：從眼淚到微笑

複活節，在一個華人教會裏的發言 -

Even by the end of the last year, when I stood here dealing with the topic of death, I still couldn't help crying.  But, by the amazing grace of God, who keeps working on my heart, now, finally I am able to conquer the fear of death.  Because Jesus, the son of God, conquered death 2000 years ago today for us.  Thank God, he separated the Red Sea in front of me.  Everyday I spend, I feel like passing the Red Sea with joy and thankfulness.

即便在去年歲末，當我站在這裏在追思會上談論死亡這個話題時，仍忍不住淚下。但神的奇異恩典降臨到我，他不斷地在我身上做工，現在，我終於戰勝了對死亡的恐懼。因為神的兒子耶穌在2000年前的今天為我們戰勝了死亡。感謝神，他在我麵前為我分開了紅海的驚濤駭浪。每一天我活著，都是感到是在穿越紅海，滿懷喜樂，滿懷感恩。

And at the other side of the Red Sea, it is Jordan, the promised beautiful land of the God, which is heaven, our final destination.    Now,  I can truly embrace death with a big smile, with no pain, no fear!  Just like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., at the end of his famous speech " I have a Dream", said:  " Free at last - , free at last - , thank God, we are free at the last ----! ".  It's my choice of not being terrified by the death's threat.  Death can take my body, but it can't take away my joy, my pride, and my soul.

在紅海的盡頭，就是神所應許的迦南美地，就是天堂，基督徒的最終目的地。 現在，我可以帶著明朗的微笑與死亡來擁抱，沒有痛苦，沒有悲哀，沒有恐懼！ 就像馬丁。路德金在他的著名演講《我有一個夢想》結尾時所說：“終獲自由，終獲自由，感謝神，我們最終贏得了自由！---- ” 死亡它可以選擇來威脅我，我亦可以選擇不被死亡所嚇倒。死亡它可以拿走我的肉體，但它拿不走我的喜樂，我的自豪，我的靈魂！

 

All the cancer patients would love to see " NED" - " No Evidences of Disease" at their CAT scan reports.  I still have a lot black shades here and there.  But, thank God, I can now at least make my heart " NED". 

所有的癌症病人都希望在檢查報告上看到寫著“NED",  就是”沒有疾病跡象“的縮寫。我身上仍有著多處的陰影，但我至少可以在內心做到”NED".

 

And, when my last day finally comes, let's celebrate Jenny's victory over the unthinkable hardship in her life which only the God knows,  and, celebrate a soul which finally goes all the way to her glorious creator.  

當我的最後一天終於到來，請你們與我一起慶祝Jenny姐妹戰勝了常人難以想象的、唯有神知曉的人生磨難，慶祝她的靈魂飛到了那榮耀的創造者的身邊。

 

There people are standing taller than me in front of this biggest challenge of our life.  I get on a cancer patient network ( called " Inspire" ) everyday.  It is truly inspiring me.  There is an un-met friend called Craig.  Once he told me that his biggest worry of final days were not how to get helps, how to die better.   He wrote: " I'd like to die on my new kitchen floor, but, my lungs need to be packed in ice right away and reach a research center in 4 hours.  If it exceeds 24 hours, there would be hardly any values left.  So, if I feel dying, I'll take a last trip to Boston ( he lives in PA), die there for Dr. Shaw, so she can take my lungs immediately for research..."  When I read this, my eyes were blurred with tears.  Craig is our star at this site, he is a great researcher, knows better than most of the doctors.  He helped a lot of people like me.  And at the last moment of life, all he is thinking is how to sacrifice himself, even leave his own favorite place, leave his family and friends who would be so important at that moment, go to somewhere else for the sake of more, future and other cancer patients who are completely strangers of him. 

在死神麵前，還有人更為昂然地屹立。我每天都上一個癌友的網站叫做“激勵網”。它真的激勵到我。有個未曾謀麵的網友克瑞格。有次他談到他最大的臨終憂慮不是怎樣得到救援，怎樣更好地死去。他寫道：“我寧願躺臥在我的廚房的新瓷磚上死去，但我的肺需要死後盡快地裹上冰，在4小時內飛寄到醫研中心。若超出了24小時，就沒了什麽科研價值。所以，若我預感死亡將至，我就會采取最後的一次旅行，飛到波士頓，在邵醫生麵前死去，這樣，她可以馬上採肺來研究。。。“ 當我讀到這裏，我模糊了淚眼。克瑞格是我們網站極受歡迎的人物。他長於搜索資料，知識比大多數的癌科醫生還豐富，他幫助過包括我在內的許多人。但，在生命的最後時刻，他滿心想著的是怎樣奉獻自己，即使是意味著離開心愛的居所，離開此時最需要的至愛親朋，為了更多的、將來的、其他的癌症病人，即便他們對他是百分百的陌生人。

As for Dr. Shaw, she is one of the greatest, pioneer doctors to make the cancer drug we use available to save life.  And she is American Chinese, so young, talented, pretty, on top of these, having a big heart.  I once saw a patient wrote:  " Dr. Shaw wrote me a short note to tell him do not worry, she would get back to me after sending her young kids to the beds! "  So it tells that Dr. Shaw is a busy mom, and she even works late at home for the patients.

至於邵醫生，她是美國傑出的，最前沿的肺癌專家之一，她主導了新藥的試驗及上市，幫助拯救了成千上萬的人。她是一位美籍華人，年輕美麗，才華橫溢，更為可貴的是，她有一顆仁厚之心。有一次我看見一名癌友寫道：”邵醫生給我發了短信叫我不要擔心，等她的年幼的孩子們上床安睡後，就會回信答疑“。由此看來，邵醫生是一位繁忙的母親，但她晚上在家還擠時間為病人工作。

 

To me, Mr. Craig and Dr. Shaw are true heroes, it is this kind of people who are the backbone of our society, make America a great country.  They cleansed my heart, makes me think what is the best value as a member of our human race.  

對我來說，克瑞格和邵醫生是真正的英雄。正是這樣的人組成了我們社會的脊梁，使得美國成為了一個偉大的國家。他們淨化著我的靈魂，使我思考作為人類眾生中的一員，什麽是我個人應該具有的價值。

 

My oncologist once told me that many of his patients spend a lot of time at casinos.  He asked them why, they said, when gambling, they forget about cancer!  What a waste of the life!  There is one slogan said: " YOLO"  -- an abbreviation  of " You Only Live Once".  Life is precious, worth to fight for, to live it out.  I have made my determination to enjoy it, carry on with beauty, courage and dignity, walk with God, for no matter ahead or in front of me, long or short. 

我的癌科醫生有一次告訴我，他的許多病人都常常泡在賭場上。他就好奇地問他們為什麽，答曰：”醫生，我隻有在賭博的強烈刺激下，才能忘卻癌症這個魔鬼！“ 這真是對有限生命的天大浪費！有一句口號說：”YOLO"， 這是“你僅活一次”的縮寫。生命極為珍貴，值得我們為之而戰，將它活出來。我已下定決心，要享受神賦予我的生命，帶著美好，帶著勇氣，帶著尊嚴，跟隨主的腳蹤，走下去，無論在我麵前擺放的是什麽，生命或長或短！

Let's all follow Paul, the apostle, walk with God, fight a good fight, run a home run!
讓我們都像使徒保羅那樣，跟隨主，打一場美好的仗，跑一個漂亮的全程！

 

Happy Easter! 

複活節快樂！ 

 

Jenny

 

[走馬讀人]

Jenny -- beautiful name

[與癌抗爭]

一路走好。

[Starock]

There is honor in a well lived life! Pray for you and your family! R.I.P

[明紫]

安息！向你致敬！

[加州花坊]

美好的仗你打完了，現在你到神的樂園，安息在主懷裏了。常青人生的朋友們會想念你，我們也會為你和你的家人禱告，願神安慰你的家人，並賜平安給他們。

[康建]

jenny 的文章還是一樣的感人。你還好吧。文學城的標題有點怪。

[Gizmos]

息了這世上的勞苦，安睡在主的懷裏。

[清水龍蝦]

我們因愛而平安，也因愛而依依不舍。一路走好！