I AM A LOSER

Reading some of the articles about success, I feel my face getting flushed and I look around as if someone else find out what I just realised that I AM A LOSER. I’d dive right in should there be tiny crevices on the ground to hide myself.

How can I not be a loser? After spent 20+ years in school, a PhD graduate couldn’t even secure a research position as Post Doc, or research associate to say the least. With only a meagre number of publications, I am nobody in my research area. The worst of all, I give up my research career after all these years of school to get this far. Loser is the only word to describe me.

How can I not be a loser? Here is me, still making a 5 figure income as a mid-aged husband and father; who has no interest to start a business adventure; who has no great expectations but enjoy simple things like junk food and sports; who has broad interests and good at lot of things but never good enough at anything to be famous or to make a living; who’s, even though decently handsome, never able to attract any lady besides my wife into an affair; Who’s absolutely a loser when in China and still a loser against Chinese standard.

I am a loser, a loser by many standards. But I am a happy loser who doesn’t mind losing all that doesn’t belong to me. A loser who loses his career as a researcher, a career picked up by chance not by choice. A loser who loses his homeland to live here to be himself.  A loser who loses his ‘face’ and all the pretentious stuff but live in truth and dignity, A loser who loses a way of life envisioned by others, but find something he loves to do and done well. A loser who loses his desire for more (greediness?) when he has enough. Even a loser who loses his weight but not his sleep.

Reading about success, I feel my face getting flushed and I look around see if someone else find out that I am a loser based on the articles. I almost want to hide into any possible crevices around. But when I take another look around, I find so many ordinary people who are far from success according to certain standard, but succeeded in so many different ways of their life. In that split moment, I am convinced that just like all the ordinary people, I am a successful man in my unique way.