我們是害蟲,我們是臭蟲
Work Hard, Live Free
正文
1. Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence. A LIFE sentence.
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient
China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the
alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand
before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is
self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder
why.
14. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new
or the wife is.
15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm
soon have arms in woman's sink.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America,
the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides
of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still
they stay together.
19. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one. The
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he
loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first
name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than
single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I had it all -
money, a beautiful house, the love of a beautiful
woman, then...POW! It was all gone. What happened,
asked his friend. He says: My wife found out.
25. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave
the hallway lights on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
Aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger? The
other replied, Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he
is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes
his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED.
The next day he received a hundred letters and they
all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
2. Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore marriage is an institution for the blind.
3. Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her masters.
4. Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring and suffering.
5. Married life is full of excitement and frustration: In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the NEIGHBOR listens.
6. Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that instead.
7. There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.
8. A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking;
the husband gives and the wife takes.
9. Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.
10. Son: Is it true Dad? I heard that in ancient
China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries
her. Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!
11. Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the
alarm clock.
12. They say that when a man holds a woman's hand
before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is
self-defense.
13. When a newly married man looks happy, we know why.
But when a 10-year married man looks happy, we wonder
why.
14. When a man opens the door of his car for his wife,
you can be sure of one thing - either the car is new
or the wife is.
15. Confucius says: man who sinks into woman's arm
soon have arms in woman's sink.
16. When a man steals your wife, there is no better
revenge than to let him keep her.
17. Eighty percent of married man cheat in America,
the rest cheat in Europe.
18. After marriage, husband and wife become two sides
of a coin. They just can't face each other, but still
they stay together.
19. Marriage is when a man and a woman become one. The
trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
20. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he
loves. After the marriage the "Y" becomes silent.
21. I married Miss right, I just didn't know her first
name was Always.
22. It's not true that married men live longer than
single men, it only seems longer.
23. Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was
almost impossible.
24. A man was complaining to a friend: I had it all -
money, a beautiful house, the love of a beautiful
woman, then...POW! It was all gone. What happened,
asked his friend. He says: My wife found out.
25. Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight.
Husband: OK, but if you get home before I do, leave
the hallway lights on.
26. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another:
Aren't you wearing your ring on the wrong finger? The
other replied, Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
27. Man is incomplete until he gets married, then he
is finished.
28. It doesn't matter how often a married man changes
his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
29. A man inserted an ad in the paper - WIFE WANTED.
The next day he received a hundred letters and they
all said the same thing - YOU CAN HAVE MINE.
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