教育孩子，從大人做起

孩子這次沒有考好，我們兩個都責罵了他。我是一個喜歡鑽牛角尖的人，喜歡追求完美。先生平常表現都克製，但其實也是對孩子要求很嚴格，兩個人心裏都給孩子設了標準，隻是標準不同。都是沒辦法管住自己的嘴巴。我每次責罵了孩子以後，我心裏是後悔的。希望有人罵一罵自己。勞工倒是在我控製不住自己時候會批評我，可他自己控製不住的時候，沒有辦法聽別人的勸說。基本上書上說的那些不可以對孩子講的，他都講過。我當然也做的不好。
想了很久，覺得不可以這樣下去了，寫了一封信給先生，希望我們在對孩子的教育上能實現突破:


教育孩子我的一點想法‏:

其實，孩子一直是那個孩子，隻是我們還不夠了解他們。明明是深愛著他們，可在他們的表現和自己的期望不同時，我們沒有辦法管住自己的嘴巴和情緒。 “你真笨！”“我對你太失望啦”“你怎莫連這末簡單的都不會“  “別的同學怎莫都會你不會“ “你是豬腦子嗎？“    所有的這些話不但不能起任何作用，還可能會把我們深愛的孩子推向深淵。自卑，沒有信心，或者厭學。
我們的情緒發泄啦，都盡情地扔給了幼小的孩子，他們不僅自己難過，還要承受大人發泄給他們的壓力。長期這樣，你覺得他們會越來越好嗎？
 
我想，要先從改變自己心態和情緒開始，對孩子還是以鼓勵為主。我們互相幫助。是不容易做到。但我們盡量不說傷害孩子的話。盡量耐心多一點。不管小孩做的好不好，我們總的來說要讓他們知道我們的愛，鼓勵他們。最起碼，讓他們的童年是快樂而又自信的。
我們一起努力吧！

[簡單魚]

非常謝謝你們的留言。stephen R 說的很有道理。可是我不敢冒險。真的放手讓他們自己去，又擔心後果。畢竟孩子還是要適應那個教育係統。對於孩子，是要讓他們能有自由發展的空間，可我們也必須要有所介入。這個度，和什麽該介入，是很難把握的。

[雪花漂飄]

你還是一位好媽媽。 至少你內心知道說那些話不對。 但因為自己成長背景還是忍不住說了， 相信你會很快就會改過來。你能這樣做已經很不錯。 以前說過的不好聽的話孩子們會很快被你的讚美的話所替代。 有時我也很吃驚孩子們隻要你對他們好一點， 他們對你好十點。

[TravelerCheck]

I found Stephen R. Covery's experience with his son in his book"The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People" inspiring. Just to share some with you:

"...Instead of trying to change him, we (Stephen and his wife) tried to stand apart-to seperate us from him-and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth."

"...Through deep thought and exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms of his own uniqueness. We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own pace and speed. We decided to relax and get out of his way and let his own personality emerge. We saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him. We also conscientiously worked on our motives and cultivated internal sources of secuity so that our own feelings of worth were not depent on our children's "acceptable" behavior."

"...We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him. We stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations. We stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold. Because we saw him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the radicule of others..."

[laoxiangxyz1]

Good point, Thanks