工作中的兩個第一次, 吵架+和解信

今天沒去上班,頭有點暈,因為昨晚秉燭夜寫email來著.

起因是昨天在單位與一個伊朗(男的)co-worker 吵了一架. 起因很無聊,就是因為辦公室的門.我要關上,他要開.我們的辦公室是一室一廳.因為我是女的,兩個男同事在裏屋,我在外屋.中間有一道門,外麵的門離我很近. 整個走廊有很多辦公室. 3 個原因我堅持關上我們的大門(通往走廊的那個).1.走廊吵,影響我工作2. 感覺冷3. 萬聖節要到了,對麵的office門上貼了一張巨大的窮凶極惡的骷髏拿了把大刀.燒水或洗手,總是能看到那個惡心得圖像. 現在是備孕階段,不想接觸太多的暴力.
伊朗男的原因隻有一個,空氣不流通,他不能呼吸,要死了.

最終達成的agreement, 我開個門縫,他調高溫度.但是我們誰也不理誰,很僵持. 為了緩和矛盾,我寫了一封巨長的email, 算是和解信吧.

下麵是原稿,沒改動過的.一會發的時候,也許可能會做一些調整.沒定呢.

Hello Exxxx,

How are you today? Any surprise for receiving my email. I don’t know how did you feel yesterday after our fight, but I was feeling it bothers me too much, which directly causes me not felling well physically today. I think we’d better settle this thing down now. At least me, I won’t enjoy unpleasant working environment, especially both of us will still work there in the next couple years.

I remember when I prepare an interview, a typical HR question ‘How do you handle the conflict between you and your co-workers’. When I did the preparation, I always thought it will never happen to me; so about what happened yesterday, it was a big shock to me. Congratulations! You are the first person made me so mad in the past twenty years. I have been voted the best temper person among all my friends, family, classmates…

As you know, my top strength is ‘Harmony’, so let me first kick out.

To be honest, Exxx, you are a nice man. In the past one year, we did help each other in the work. I really appreciated your nice and patient. We can work closely, and both of us enjoy working together. Yesterday’s fight is just about a poor door. Actually, it is not a big deal, both of us know that. Close it, you won’t die, and you are only fighting for who has the power to control it. Don’t deny it in hurry. It is the fact.

But for me, I am really only concern the door not to your personally. (1.) I am a statistician. When I am programming, I need concentrate all the time. But the noise from hallway bothers me a lot. You can count these people who are working on computer programming coding, theirs’ door always closed. Pxxx and Mxxx’s office, in 6^th floor, EBI group, also Hxxx’s IS group in ground floor. We are not the front desk, doing the administration job. (2) I feel cold in my office, that is why I sneeze a lot, and I do not think you did not hear it. The fact is your office is warmer than mine, since the heater is in your office, when you feel ok temperature, I will feel cold. Here I also should count woman is more sensitive and easy to feel the temperature changes. (3) About the scarring picture on our neighbor’s door, I am planning having a baby, so I do not want to see any violent pictures or scenes during this important period. I am sure all the moms will do the same thing to protect their babies. Thank you for understanding my reasons to close the door.

You said loudly many times about you cannot breathe and will die. Ok let me save your life and avoiding you die soon. I will let the door at least open some part for making you can breathe. Don’t die, if you die, your family will miss you for sure.

After work, I think over this whole story. I think we are luck Wxxx was not there, otherwise, this fight will become an ‘Incident’ (QI language), which at least now is ‘near miss’. Get this thought, because I can feel Sxxx’s efforts to protect our group. We should keep a good reputation for our group too. However, you already told everybody in IM about this ‘near miss’, Aha, please just ignore this paragraph.

So far, from my wording you can see, I already pull my hand first, so I hope you can pull yours, then we can shaking hands as a good ending for this story.

By the way, you mentioned many times ‘I am playing games’ yesterday. For we can get along with each other in the future, it is better let you know a little bit more of myself. I don’t want to judge the ‘door’ thing, but this part, you are totally wrong. I never played or will play games with you. I consider it is wasting time and energy. I don’t like make things complicated than it should be. Being simple, straight is my principle. If play games is part of your life, please continue enjoy it, but not apply this to everybody around you.

I hope above all my analysis and explanation make you feel better. From next Monday, I hope we can skip this fight, continue our good pleasant working relationship as before. If you need a deep talk, I will be open for that. Any thoughts please let me know. I know it is really long long email, longer than most of our working email. I hope it will help us recreating enjoyable working environment.

Last thought just jumped into my mind. Most people in my hometown and here Canada, like to pretend to be gentle to woman, especially educated man. You give me a lesson to realize that is not all. In the future, I will keep this message in my mind.

[Last thought just jumped into my mind. This fight might due to our different culture background. China and Iran are two total different countries, especially woman’s position in the society. In Asia, big city educated man always play gentlemen role to prove the civilization level; at least they love to pretend to be gentle to woman. When I move to North America, I found the gentlemen’s percentage even higher than in Asia. Probably, I used to it. I should open my mind for this point. I am sorry for automatically grouping you with them. In the future, I will keep this message in my mind.]--- 這段該了後才發的.老公說發了會激發民族矛盾,小心恐怖事件發生.防患於未然

That is all I want to say. Have a great weekend and see you next Monday with happy face!

Linan