量子的生活呢喃
愛人，被愛，珍惜，寬待
我們教會的小女生，Jenny，二十出頭，長得很瘦小很纖細，整個人就像個瓷娃娃，笑起來很溫柔很害羞的樣子。沒想到，那麽文弱的外表下，有一顆極其堅強廣大的心。
Jenny在大學最後一年的暑假去菲律賓短期宣教兩個月，住在馬尼拉的貧民區，幫助當地的女孩子學習基本的醫藥護理衛生。她說，“那時候我看到那麽多貧窮，很痛苦，可是我也見到，耶穌就在窮人裏，Mother Teresa once referred to the poor as “Christ in His most distressing disguise.” 耶穌召我回來服務窮人。” 結果她果真一畢業就去Austin的貧民區教小學。她的一年級學生，50%的家庭有家暴，犯罪，吸毒，酗酒，小孩子也很暴力，在教室裏砸東西，扔椅子。還有一個學生的眼睛有病，可是父母不好好給他藥，最後他真的瞎了。每天麵對這些問題學生，真是超負荷的體力精力挑戰。可是她堅持下來了，現在是她教書的第四年。她說，“耶穌就在這些孩子身上。我做的事情是有永久價值的。” 她真的像光，照亮了那些孩子們的心。
征得她的同意，我把Jenny自己去年夏天寫的故事貼在下麵。文中的ACC就是我們教會，Austin Chinese Church。
My name is Jenny and I’m a first grade teacher at Rodriguez Elementary, an inner city school. My heart for the poor actually started in Manila and that’s when God changed my future plans. I had always imagined that I would go back to St Louis, my life of comfort, to live in the suburbs, and teach the children that grew up in the same place and the same way that I did. Little did I know that God had something different in store for me. So I went to Manila, Philippines for two months, living in the slums and living in a home for girls that were found on the streets. They were taught personal hygiene, how to cook and clean, and they also went to school. So living in the slums, one thing that I asked God for was compassion. I asked God to fill my life with it and that’s what he did. And I think that one thing that God really opened my eyes to was the fact that there would be mansions right by the slums and that really broke my heart because I knew deep down that I had been living my life that way. There would be homeless people all over Austin, and so many poor families in East Austin, but I didn’t do anything about it. I served at my fellowship and tried to share the gospel with my non-Christian friends and occasionally, I would serve at the homeless shelters, but I really felt like it wasn’t enough. God loved the poor and he wanted me to serve there too. So on the last night in Manila, I promised God that I would serve the poor for two years.
After Manila, I started applying for jobs. I applied to the inner city schools in Dallas, Houston, San Antonio, but not Austin. I got job offers in each city but still I was not satisfied with it. I think deep down I had wanted first grade in Austin, but I was afraid to apply because I had heard it was difficult to get a job here. In the end, I just decided to go for it and I went to one of the job fairs. I had a heart for Hispanic children because they reminded me so much of the kids in Manila, so when I walked in and looked around, the name “rodriguez” caught my eye, since it’s a Hispanic name and I thought, there’s probably a lot of Hispanic kids there. So I stood in line for 15 minutes and then 30 minutes went by. I was getting anxious. The line was so slow and there wasn’t much time for me to interview with other schools. However, I figured that I already stood in line for 30 minutes, why not stand in line longer? I stood in line waiting until finally, after an hour of waiting, I got to interview with the principal. She seemed interested, but didn’t offer me a job. I quickly hurried to the other schools, dropping off resumes and wanting to get another interview, but the job fair was over.
After I graduated, I didn’t get any job offers from Austin. I was discouraged, but I kept praying for God to provide me with a job.
In June, God opened up the door for me. I went to a youth camp in Dallas as a counselor, and that’s when I got a call from the principal at Rodriguez. She told me that she wanted to interview me that weekend, but I couldn’t make it because of camp. So, she told me that they were interviewing other people and that she would let me know. I prayed, waiting for her to call. She later called me a couple days later and told me that they were willing to meet with me at a later date. At the interview they didn’t really ask me my credentials, but they told me stories about the kids that would throw chairs, run away, and it would be probably the most difficult school to work at. But, in the face of all that, I was willing to do it because I had gone to manila and I had seen poverty and I wanted to change it in Austin.
Right after that, they offered me the job. When I talked to the principal, she told me that she noticed that I stood in line for an hour and she kept me in mind, because it seemed that I really want to work at Rodriguez. But in reality it wasn’t my first choice…I just picked it because of the name and not the school. So, I took the job and it was clear that this was the job that God had chosen for me.
My first year was pretty stressful. I came in having an idealistic view of teaching. For example, I believed in no punishments (such as timeout), but that certainly did not work at all. I thought that positive reinforcement was enough. However, I learned pretty quickly that these kids needed a lot of structure at school. At home, they have no discipline or structure because their parents were either working late or they simply didn’t care. Several kids have parents that are divorced or parents that come and go in their lives. Their homes can be very unstable.
That first year, I had several kids who were pretty defiant. Whenever I told them to do something, they would throw a tantrum and sometimes, knock over chairs and throw things off their desk. I also had two children who were later classified as emotionally disturbed- one would run away when he got angry and would sometimes attack other children. Another one was sexually abused and he would touch other girls inappropriately at school.
A lot of the students that year had issues at home. Several of the students’ dads were in jail. Some parents were going through a divorce that year, which affected the children’s behavior. I had so much trouble loving these kids because their behavior. Even though, I knew what they had to go through at home, I felt that they did not have an excuse for how they acted. I would get angry and yell at the kids, but still, it didn’t seem to phase them. They were very difficult to teach. There were many moments when I broke down and felt heavy with burden. I saw myself in these children…broken and disobedient, but God still loved me and I realized more of his love everyday when I was teaching and trying to love these kids, too. I did feel hopeless and discouraged. And at certain moments, I really hated my job so much that I wanted to just quit in the middle of the year. It really was a struggle to follow Christ to a hard place…to east Austin. Deuteronomy 8:24-25 The Lord led you all the way in the desert…, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands. He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of the Lord.” I had gone through the desert and the only thing that kept me alive was God’s word and the encouragement and the prayers of my family and friends.
And then at the end of the year, almost half of my class was failing. I found my worth in results and when my kids didn’t do well, I was discouraged.
I wondered if I even made an eternal impact on these kids. It made me question if teaching was really what God was calling me to do.
That summer, I went to a mission trip to do VBS for the Navajo children at the reservation. It was what I needed to affirm my calling to the inner-city and to renew my passion for the Lord, for kids, and my passion for the poor.
In a sermon, a pastor quoted, “When we love the poor, that’s worship and when we look at the poor, needy, and orphan, we see a physical representation of our own spiritual state away from Christ. Yet, God embraces us and gives us salvation…we will never look more like Jesus unless we minister to the least of these.”
It was hard anticipating the next year. When I came back to school, the principal drew me aside and told me that she looked at my results over the summer. They actually had a meeting over all the teachers’ results and at the meeting, she told me that the principals were impressed at how much my kids had improved. Even though, many of them were not ready for 2nd grade, they still made huge improvement. It was such a huge blessing from God to hear those words from my principal. It definitely affirmed me that I was a good teacher and that God was calling me to this school for a reason. He reminded me again that he would give me the grace and the strength to do his will.
The second year, I had several kids that were at kindergarten level in reading. I also had a child that was blind and who had a chronic lice problem throughout the year. His mom and dad were also blind, so it was a very difficult family to work with. Their child was diagnosed with glaucoma and the parents had failed to give him his eye drops to prevent blindness. So since kindergarten, this little boy had been losing his vision and when he arrived in first grade, he was completely blind. He came to school dirty and many times, without his backpack and materials. I also had several children that had ADHD, attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, so it was very difficult for them to learn because they were constantly moving and calling out in class. My second year provided different challenges, but God was gracious and it wasn’t more than I could handle. I started to enjoy teaching more and that’s when the opportunities for ministry started popping up, like First Base. I talked to Nita about possibly having the youth come and tutor. At first, it just started with tutoring my class. And then, in January we extended it to all of first grade, especially the bilingual kids and that’s when I had shared at church about our need for volunteers. We also started helping the librarian with shelving books because she didn’t have enough volunteers during the week to help. People from church would also help me with making things for the kids. In January, we had a school supply shop off where people came and helped buy some supplies for the teachers and the kids.
Later on, in March I started the prayer meeting for teachers. Every Wednesday morning, we would pray together. It was difficult to start it up and ask people. However, people were receptive and we had around 3-4 teachers praying for each other and for the kids.
In the end, I realized that God was with me throughout the whole process of going to manila and finding a job. Everything fell in place later on. I had no idea what I was doing, where I was headed, or what I was looking for. God had placed me at this school to be a witness of God’s love to the kids, parents, and teachers.
ACC has been such a blessing to our school through their partnership with first base and school supply shop off. You can continue to partner with me by praying for the children at Rodriguez. Each child has their own burden and each child carries something from home that affects the way they do school work.
Also, next year, I’m thinking of starting a bible study for teachers. Please pray for interest and for God to bless it.
I believe that God has called me to the poor and even though it was hard to be faithful and to continue on, God gave me the strength to do it. Where has God called you to be faithful??
