Giving (and Getting) During the

Giving (and Getting) During the Holiday Season

What I found with more affluent families is that they were spending so much time and energy trying to provide the goods, and the good life for their children, they often neglected the effort to bring out the goodness in children. - Robert Coles, The Moral Intelligence of Children (Random House, 1997) As parents, it’s just natural for us to want to give our children the things we didn’t have, and in a world of “more is better,” it’s easy to confuse the wants of our children with their actual needs. Often we respond to every “I want” because we can and it makes us feel good, not necessarily because we should. During the holidays, many of us tend to throw moderation out the window. There are an infinite numbers of toys and treats, goodies and games. And no matter how much our children have, they will always want more, and there will always be a friend who has more. In our culture, we have so much. How can we teach our children to moderate their wants, be thankful for what they have, and give to others? · Even though you may be able to afford it, try not to get in the habit of buying your child something every time you go in a store, even if it is just gum or candy they want. · When you are shopping and allow your child to buy something, avoid giving your child too many choices. When you go to a store, try letting your child make a selection just from the book aisle or the arts and crafts area. · Actively teach your children as they mature that media advertising is trying to shape our thinking to want more and more. · Make quality family time the major holiday goal that children look forward to, even in shopping expeditions. For example, adding breakfast or lunch at a restaurant to your shopping trip can become its own cherished tradition. · Moderate the shopping goals to the energy and developmental level of the child by adding. · Encourage your child to give to a child in need through Toys for Tots or other similar programs, and include that in the shopping goals. · As a family, model restraint and sharing with the less fortunate through local programs to aid the impoverished and homeless here and in other countries. If you don’t have a favorite charitable organization, consider Heifer International and Mercy Corps. These two international organizations have projects and efforts throughout the world that are very understandable to young children and that can give children great satisfaction. The Bright Horizons Foundation for Children is also a good choice. The Bright Spaces program creates play spaces for children who live in homeless shelters. · Encourage grandparents to show some restraint, perhaps giving gifts of time or piggy-bank savings. Giving the Gift of Ourselves “It’s better to give than to receive” is an old adage that we’ve all heard, and the American Psychological Association has an article titled “Giving to Others Linked to Longer Life.” The article suggests that helping and giving support and assistance to others may increase your life expectancy by at least five years. A stretch? Maybe. But if you and your child shovel the snow from your elderly neighbor's sidewalk this winter, you may be doing yourself, your child, and your neighbor a favor. We can start with the very small and teach our children about giving of themselves. Young children can give a kind word, offer a smile, share a toy, draw a picture, write or dictate a note, or comfort a friend or family member. And as they grow, so will their generosity. No matter what they have, our children can always give their caring and their time. Here are some additional ideas for helping and giving to others that you can do with your child during the holiday season and at any time of the year: · Collect clothing or personal items and donate them to a local shelter for the homeless. · Make favors, scrapbooks, napkin rings, or crafts for a special occasion to donate to a local children's hospital or convalescent home. · “Adopt” a grandparent or choose a convalescent hospital to visit. · “Adopt” a senior citizen and help him or her with necessary chores. · Plan or cooperate with existing paper drives or other recycling endeavors. · Collect food for local food banks. · Make greeting cards for people in a veteran's hospital or other health care facilities. · “Adopt” a service person stationed overseas, collect items and send them a gift box. · Make toys, games, or crafts for a child care center or pediatric unit of a hospital. Books for Teaching About Giving Sharing books with children provides the opportunity to explore the ideas and issues of compassion and need, the feelings behind giving and meaning of gifts. · In Hush Little Baby, Sylvia Long rewrote the traditional words to the lullaby that emphasizes that giving is not about commercial value. Mama doesn’t buy diamond rings. Instead, she gives her baby the gift of wonder and enthusiasm for life. · In The Teddy Bear, a little boy gives up a cherished teddy bear to a homeless man who has little else. · And a sour king in The Quiltmaker’s Gift finds the joy in giving beautiful things. For more information about these and other great books, please visit the Bright Horizons Growing Readers Web site. Doing What We Can It’s a lot easier to write about swimming upstream in the material world than living those words. We ought to do what we can and celebrate that, not beat ourselves up because there is so much more that we could be doing.