We decided that you.. or we decided that I...

In the next few months, it is the high season for college application interviews. It is important that we teach our kids to be independent, or at least appear to be independent when selecting their colleges.

You will be surprised by how many students start the sentence by “we have decided…”  We, as parents, may or may not  realize the burden that our kids are subconsciously carrying, but, this is painfully obvious to an outsider, especially, to an trained  outsider.

Be mindful when you use phrases such as "we decided", "we want to" when discussing college applications with your kids, college counselor, admission officers or alumni.  On one hand, we want to guide, support, and sometimes, cajole our kids. On the other hand, this should be their choice alone (except for financial reasons).    Every time when you use “we” to make a decision, pause for a moment, ask the person (for whom we are making a decision for) for input, listen to the person’s reasoning, and be open to the person’s alternatives.  

“Our” decision may be the right one ultimately, but “we” want this to be his or her decision.