莊子式的愛情

序言：這篇文章來源於網絡，沒有署名。讀完之後我非常感動，把它翻譯成了英文。這是愛情的一種境界，也許太過虛幻，卻令人遐想無邊。



“花謝花飛花滿天”的季節已經過去了，可我仍然收到了友人“花開易見落難尋”的落寞之言。其實，那段愛情已經落定了許久，而他依然喜歡讓回憶輕舞飛揚，即使是舊塵撲麵，他依然倍感馨香。他說：“我知道你是一種已經絕種的花兒，可我高傲地要重新找到可以克隆的基因。我不承認，我遇不到那種已經絕版的情愛。是的，在你麵前，我從來不曾用過“愛情”這兩個字，因為，據說，充滿激情的愛情，最多隻能燃燒一百天，而我們已相識了十年，可我的身體裏依然有種被埋藏的鮮紅，你說，那隻能是水底的火焰。”

The season was gone where the flowers fade and wave in the sky with the wind, yet I received the melancholy words of a lover. He said: ‘It’s easy to see the flowers in blossom but it’s difficult to find them when they are fading’. In fact, the love between us took place long ago but he still enjoys roaming and dancing in his memory. Despite the heavy dust of memory he still enjoys the warmth and feeling we shared in the past. He said to me: ‘I know that you are a flower that is now extinct, but I would be proud to find the genes to clone that flower once again. I cannot accept that this love is gone for ever and cannot come back. I never used the word love in the sense of passion, as people say that passionate love can only last a hundred days. However, we’ve known each other for ten years and I still feel that hot stirring in my blood. You told me that that is the flame burning beneath the water.

 

其實，在他溫暖而綿長的情愛裏，我看見的是一種被油畫處理過的記憶，裏麵感情的深淺已經不再重要，重要的是，它掛在那裏，就有種永恒的味道；重要的是，它讓你必須把情愛提高到雲空之上的境界，才可以安心承接。於是，我有了一種決定，我不要他的落寞永遠如雜草般生長，不要他的心永遠帶著微疼的聲音給我回響。

Embraced in his long-lasting warm love, I’ve seen a kind of memory that exists like an oil painting where the surface or the depth of love is no longer important but which will last forever as soon as it is hung there. Moreover, I could only enjoy love when it is raised above the clouds and the sky. Thus I made a decision: I won’t allow his melancholy to spread out like wild weeds; I won’t let his heart echo to the pain that is in mine.

 

當他看著外麵落花的影子告訴我：春天已經過去了。我就和他說：不，那落了一地的，我仍然叫它春天。我給他聽我們曾共同聽過的曲子，《dreaming piano》專集中的經典，他仍然給我那段經典的句子，“是什麽橫亙了你與我，讓我隻能安靜的聆聽，沉默的注視。我在黑暗中編製夢境，撫摩過你臉上的每一處輪廓。總在一些散落的瞬間，你的手心從我手裏滑落，河流兩岸，霧色漸漸被陽光驅散，陽光下，所有的慌亂與尷尬無所遁形，我們那麽清晰的麵對麵了，激情早已被那些無眠的夜蕩滌一空，輕輕卻有力的扣問，我聽見了你心裏的聲音，我知道你不曾忘卻，我也不曾。記憶的河水清清的流，我們隻能麵對麵，喪失了一切言語。”我說，“就在這樣一種聲音裏，靜默於一種幻聽中，其實更好，猶如經曆著莊周的化蝶之夢，再分不清哪裏是自己生活的彼岸，哪裏是彼岸生活的自己。其實，隻有在這樣的舒緩輕靈裏，你才能明確春天的真實含義。或者你將不再乞求春天。而我們的追尋，其實，隻不過是隨影奔跑，我們喜愛的陽光原本就在懷裏。

He told me that the spring was gone when he saw the dropping flowers outside. I told him: ‘It is spring for me regardless of the flowers stretched over the ground.’ I played the classical music from the album 《dreaming piano》 which we had listened to together. He uttered these memorable words: ‘What has separated us? Why could I only listen to the music quietly and look at you silently? I dreamed of stroking your face in the darkness. The palm of your hand slips from mine at odd moments. On the banks of the river where the fog is dispelled by the sunshine, we see each other face to face and all bewilderment and embarrassment disappears. The passion has been dissolved in those sleepless nights; yet it still echoes faintly but firmly. I hear the voice of your heart and I know you haven’t forgotten - neither have I. While the river of memory is flowing we can only look at each other this way, deprived of speech.’ I replied: ‘It is better to be absorbed in this kind of illusion in listening to the music, as if we are experiencing the classic butterfly dream of Zhuangzi, unable to tell the difference between the place where we are living and ourselves who are living there. You can only know what the spring really means in this relaxed and surrealist way. Or else, you should no longer beg for the spring. What we are pursuing is mere elusive shadows while we are actually holding the beloved sunshine.’

 

我還記得，然後，我給他講了一個故事：一條魚搖著尾巴遊來，乞求莊子的愛情，莊子敲敲魚的腦袋，告訴它，你擁有，就會失去。你若沒有生的快樂，就不會有死的痛苦。相濡以沫，最終還是要在光陰中彼此迷失。你和這軀殼所擁有的一切，最終會像水一樣蒸發，像河流一樣遠去，像夢一樣不可追尋。我們為什麽要走那麽多彎路呢？結局清清楚楚地擺在麵前，它可以用更簡單的方法抵達。――他告訴魚：你還是回到海裏去吧，江長湖寬，生命隻是一場體驗。我們可以真實相擁的時候隻在靈魂相遇的瞬間。

I told him a story. A fish came in front of Zhuangzi and begged for his love. The Zhuangzi tapped the fish on the head, telling him: ‘If you possess it, you are doomed to lose it one day. Without the pleasure of being alive, you would not experience the pain of dying. Although we could love each other intimately, we will be eventually separated as time passes by. You and what is your body would finally evaporate like the water, fading away like the river, or be beyond pursuit as in a dream. Why should we do so since we see the ending so clearly? It can be reached in a much simpler way.’ He told the fish: ‘You should go back to the sea; life is a mere experience no matter where we are. The only time we could truly embrace each other is at the instant when our souls meet.’

 

我如完成一場夢一樣，給那友人說完了這段話，他先是默然不語地望著我，然後對我微微一笑，眼光裏是我從未見過的清淨與祥和，如靈魂已愉快飛離了世間才有的那種淡然寂靜，接著就如魚兒一樣，遊回了自己的海洋，留下的水花是我永遠也不會忘記的，因為，那裏是飛濺著的血紅。他說過，他隻要讓我看見了自己內裏的鮮紅，一定是他一去不回的標誌。也許是真正的超脫，也許是永遠的消失。可我分明感覺，那血紅不再是一種疼痛，那是他離去時用身體開出的一朵微笑的花兒。

I finished telling these words to my lover as if I had been in a dream. He looked at me in silence and then gave me a smile; I saw in his eyes the purity and peace which I’d never seen before. He had such a detached quiet manner as if his soul were going to be set free from the world. He then swam back to his sea like a fish, leaving the waves behind that I shall never forget. The waves were breaking in red blood. He once said that it was the sign that he would never return if he showed me the red blood. It might be a real release or an everlasting disappearance. I was certain that the red blood did not mean pain but a flower blossoming from his body on his way back home.

 

我茫然在岸邊，其實心裏無所謂失落或傷懷，解脫或自在，我一直在回想，那樣的一個故事――一場關於莊子的愛情，是誰說給我的呢？或者我從誰的眼裏看見了那言語道斷的天語？

I lingered on the bank, without feeling lost, sad or freed. I kept thinking of the story - the love story of Zhuangzi. Who had told it to me? Or from whose eyes did I see the doomed words?