2009 (179)
2010 (242)
2011 (208)
2012 (169)
2013 (161)
2014 (114)
2015 (143)
2016 (142)
2017 (91)
2018 (86)
2019 (66)
2021 (47)
2022 (47)
1 或遲或早/sooner or later
A thief with a long record was brought before the judge.
Judge: Have you ever stolen things?
Thief: Oh, now and then.
Judge: And where have you stolen these things?
Thief: Oh, here and there.
Judge: Right. Lock him up, officer.
Thief: Hey, when do I get out jail?
Judge: Oh, sooner or later.
一個偷盜慣犯被帶到了法官麵前。
法官：你偷過東西嗎?
小偷：噢，時不時的。
法官：那你是從哪裏偷的呢?
小偷：噢，或這或那。
法官：很好。把他關起來，警官。
小偷：嘿，我什麽時候能出來?
法官：噢，或遲或早。
2 抄襲/Plagiarism
A friend of mine who teaches European history at Washington University in St. Louis tell about the time he spotted a plagiarized term paper. He summoned the student to his office.
"This isn't your work." he said. "Someone typed it for you straight out of the encyclopedia. "
"You can’t prove that!" the student sputtered.
My friend smiled and show him the paper. Circled in red was: "Also see article on communism."
我有個朋友在聖路易斯的華盛頓大學教歐洲曆史，他說有一次他發現了一篇抄襲的學期論文。他把那個學生叫到了辦公室。
“這不是你寫的，”他說，“有人幫你從百科全書上原封不動地打印了下來。”
“你沒有證據。”那學生結結巴巴地說。
我朋友笑了，他把論文拿給他看。用紅筆圈出來的是：“也可參閱共產主義一文。”
3 超速行駛/Speeding
A speeding motorist was waved down by a police patrol car. “I'm going to give you a ticket for speeding,” said the policeman, writing his note. “You've been driving over 60 miles per hour.”
“Would you mind making it 100, officer?” was the reply. “You see, I'm going to sell the car.”
一名超速行駛的駕駛員被巡邏警車攔住後，警察一邊做記錄，一邊說：“我要給你開一張超速罰單，因為你剛才的車速已經超過了60英裏。”
“警官，請你把時速寫為100英裏好嗎?你知道，我正要打算賣這輛車。”
4 精神病測試
John was going to leave the psychiatric hospital at last. His treatment had been long and painful. He had been getting injections together with electric shocks，and had bravely endured many cold showers. Now all this was going to come to an end if he passed the final test.
A: Sit down，please，John.
B: But I am rather nervous for I have no idea what the test is going to be.
A: Now，my dear fellow，suppose I'll just tell you what happened in one of the streets of London last Sunday and you will tell me what's wrong with my story I’ll have told you.
B: OK.
A: A motorcyclist crashed into a bus, was knocked off his seat and lay unconscious in the roadway. A tram that happened to be passing cut his head off. A member of the Salvation Army who feel sorry for the fellow picked up his head and the body too, took them to a chemist's，bought some adhesive plaster, stuck the head in its place, put the plaster round the fellow's neck and the two chaps went to a club for a game of billiards.
B: I got you there. That's sheer nonsense!
A:(Happily) How do you know?
B: Chemist's and all other shops are shut on Sundays，aren't they?
約翰終於要離開精神病院了，他的治療漫長而痛苦。他接受注射的同時還接受電擊，並且他勇敢地經受了許多冷水浴，現在所有這一切都要結束了，如果他通過最後的測試的話。
醫生：約翰，請坐。
約翰：但是我有些緊張，因為我不知道測試會是怎樣的。
醫生：現在，我親愛的夥計，我就要給你講一件上星期天發生在倫敦一條街道上的事情，然後你要告訴我我講的故事有什麽錯!
約翰：好吧。
醫生：一個騎摩托車的人撞上了一輛公共汽車，他被撞倒了，昏迷不醒，躺在路上。一輛電車恰好路過把他的頭碾了下來。一個救世軍的成員可憐那個家夥，就撿起他的頭和身軀，拿到一家藥店，買了些橡皮膏，把頭接上，用橡皮膏在那家夥的脖子上纏了幾圈，然後這兩個人一起到一家俱樂部玩台球去了。
約翰：我知道是怎麽回事了，那純粹是一派胡言!
醫生：(高興地)你怎麽知道?
約翰：藥店和其他所有商店星期天都不開門，不是嗎?
5 我找到了
The air hostess was in the small kitchen at the back of the airplane preparing the trays for lunch when a little old lady came and spoke to her.
A: Could you please tell me where the ladies' lavatory is in this plane?
B: Yes, madam. It is right at the other end of the airplane at the front.
The little old lady went too far. She walked all the way to the front of the airplane, opened the door in front of her, and the captain of the airplane and the other officers. They all busy at their work and did not see her. She went out again, shut the door and returned to the air hostess.
A: Oh, didn't you find it, madam?
B: Yeah, I did. But there are four men in the ladies' lavatory watching television.
空姐正在飛機後部的小廚房內準備午餐的托盤，一位小個子老太太走過來對她說。
老太太：請問你能告訴我飛機上的女衛生間在什麽地方嗎?
空姐:哦，夫人，就在飛機的那一頭在前邊。
小個子老太太走過了頭，她一直朝飛機的前部走去了。拉開麵前的門，看見機長和其他機務人員。他們都忙於自己的工作，沒有看見她。她又走了出來，關上門，回到空姐那裏。
空姐：噢，你沒有找到衛生間，夫人?
老太太：我找到了，但是衛生間那兒有四個男人在看電視。
6 吉姆·索普
The railroad station was jammed. Students from Lafayette College were crowding onto the train platform eagerly awaiting the arrival of the Carlisle Indian Schools track and field squad. No one would have believed it a few months earlier. A school that nobody had heard of was suddenly beating big, famous colleges in track meets. Surely these Carlisle athletes would come charging off the train, one after another, like a Marine battalion. The train finally arrived and two young men one big and broad the other small and slight stepped onto the platform.
A: Where is the track team？
B: This is the team。
A: Just the two of you?
B: Nope，just me，this little guy is the manager.
The Lafayette students shook their heads in wonder. Somebody must be playing a joke on them. If this big fellow was the whole Carlisle track team，he would be competing against an entire Lafayette squad. He did. He ran sprints，he ran hurdles， he ran distant races. He high-jumped，he broad-jumped. He threw the javelin and the shot. Finishing first in eight events，the big fellow beat the whole Lafayette team. The big fellow was Jim Thorpe，the greatest American athlete of modern times.
火車站擠得水泄不通。拉斐德學院的學生們一齊擁上站台，熱切地等待著卡萊爾印第安人學校田徑隊的到來。倘若在幾個月前，準沒有人相信，一個誰也沒聽說過的學校，會在田徑場上突然大敗許多有名的大學。不用說，這些卡萊爾的運動員抵達後，準會像一營海軍陸戰隊隊員那樣，一個接一個衝下火車。火車終於到了，兩個年輕人—一位，個兒高，體態魁梧;另一位，個兒矮，長相瘦弱—踏上了站台。
A: 田徑隊在哪兒?
B: 就在這兒。
A: 就你們兩個?
B: 不，就我一個，這位小兄弟是領隊。
拉斐德的學生們詫異地搖搖頭。一定有人在和他們開玩笑。如果卡萊爾田徑隊就隻有大個子一人，那他就得和整個拉斐德田徑隊比試高低了。確實如此。他短跑、跨欄、長跑、跳高、跳遠。他又投標槍又擲鉛球。大個子贏得八項第一，一個人擊敗了整個拉斐德田徑隊。這位大個子就是美國現代最偉大的運動員吉姆·索普。
注：吉姆·索普（1888年5月28日－1953年3月28日）是一名不可思議的全能運動員，他獲得過奧運會五項全能和十項全能冠軍，他還參加過美式足球、棒球大聯盟以及籃球比賽。在卡萊爾，索普已經是一位田徑明星，經常代表學校參加校際比賽的所有項目。
哈哈，冷溪好！新周快樂！
祝鬆姐新周好！
尼斯好！嗯，君子所見略同哈：）
尼斯，周日快樂！
想想也是哈，百度百科的文章也是從不同的地方收集起來的，可惜沒有注明原作者，好像有些不公哈：）
問好水沫，周日快樂！
祝鬆鬆周日愉快！
水沫好！嗯，一比較就應該知道。水沫的文章好，所以百度也抄你的：）
水沫，周末快樂！
其實我發覺百度百科還抄我的文字呢，網上就這點麻煩。
鬆鬆周末愉快~~
君子好！嗯，#4很有意思：）
君子，周末快樂！
最近瞎忙，好久沒上鬆鬆這兒來了，向鬆鬆問個好！
問好婉妮，周末快樂！
橄欖樹好！是啊，這個以一當十的人，真是太讓人佩服了：）
橄欖樹，周末快樂！
菲兒好！這次有些選的不那麽好：）
菲兒，周末快樂！
花甲老翁好！嗯，要跟著你學廣東話：）
花甲老翁，周末快樂！
家家好！周末快樂！
借用來說說廣東話;
乜=為什麼, cheap過頭呀=太過平價貨了
米=不要, 冇咁嘅事=沒有這樣的事情
唔係=不是, 係=是, 喎=助語詞(有加強的作用)
係咩=是真的嗎,咩是有思疑,未知真實,暫時不確定的意思
睇睇=看看, 有冇=有沒有, 喂喂=打招呼,帶有請求的意思,多用在問路的時候
攞命嘞=真要命, 唔見曬=全部不見了,唔見=失去, 曬=全部
搵返=找回,搵=尋找的意思。
東東好！嗯，小老太太找不到，跟空姐的指示有關。
東東，周末快樂！
鬆鬆周末快樂！
點點好！我家沙發大，不用擠，兩人一起坐：）
小老太太把駕駛艙當廁所了。精神病人還是沒有看到主要問題啊。要寫上100邁，懲罰得更厲害哈~
點點，周末快樂！
給沙發上的冬日上茶：）
第二個就是老師找到抄襲的證據了，--用紅筆圈出來的是：“也可參閱共產主義一文。”
冬日，周末快樂！