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周末一笑：美國夢（轉載）

(2017-03-10 19:35:29) 下一個

1 美國夢/American Dream

An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him and asked. "Is it true that a person can fall down on a sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for lots of money?"

Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partners and started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to practice law.

"No, no." one replied. "We want to go to America and fall down on sidewalks."

一位美國律師剛結束他在意大利一所法律學校的客座演講，就有一位意大利律師走近他問：“聽說在你們國家裏，一個人跌倒在人行道上，他就會起訴這塊地的所有者賠償很多錢，這是真的嗎?”

得知這是真的後，意大利律師轉向他的同行開始用意大利語快速談論起來。當他們停下來後，美國律師問他們是否想去美國做法律工作。

“不，不，”有一個人回答說，“我們要去美國跌倒在人行道上。”

2 商人的主意/A Businessman's Idea

A family moved from the city to the suburbs, and were told they ought to get a watchdog to guard their house.

So they bought the largest dog available from a near-by dealer.

Shortly afterwards the house was broken into at night by burglars while the dog was asleep. The householder went to the dealer and told him about it.

"Well, what you need now," said the dealer, "is a little dog to wake up the dog."

一戶人家從城裏搬到郊區，有人告訴他們應該買一條看門狗來守家。

於是他們就去附近的一個商人那裏買了一條可以買到的最大的狗。

不久之後，夜賊闖進他們家時那條狗卻一直在睡覺。這家的主人去找那個商人告訴他這件事。

“那麽，”商人說，“你們現在還需要一條小狗來叫醒這條狗。”

3 高爾夫球手/Golfer

Once there was a golfer whose ball landed on an anthill.

Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything moved but the golf ball. It sat on the same spot.

So he tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle.

Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other. "Whoa! What are we going to do?"

Said the other ant, "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

從前有個高爾夫球手，他把球打到了一座蟻丘上。

他沒有移動球的位置，而是決定就地擊球。於是他使勁一揮球杆，塵土和著螞蟻，四處飛揚。所有的東西都動了，除了那隻球，它呆在原地，一動沒動。

於是，他準備再次出擊。又是一陣塵土飛揚，螞蟻們也再次跟著遭殃。而高爾夫球還是紋絲不動。

兩隻螞蟻幸免於難，一隻暈暈乎乎地對另一隻說：“哇，我們怎麽辦啊?”

另一隻螞蟻說：“我不知道你怎麽想，但是我準備爬到那隻球上去。”

4 不要和小孩爭論/Don't Argue with Children

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.

The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.

The little girl stated that a whale swallowed Jonah.

Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.

The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."

The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"

The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

一個小女孩和她的老師正在談論有關鯨魚的事情。

她的老師說：“一頭鯨魚從身體構造的角度看，是不可能吞掉一個人的。因為盡管鯨魚是一種非常巨大的哺乳動物，可它的嗓子非常小。”

那個小女孩說約拿(一位西伯來先知)就是被鯨魚吞掉的。

她的老師非常生氣，她再次告訴小女孩說：“從身體構造角度來講，鯨魚是不可能吞掉一個人的。”

那個小女孩說：“那等我到了天堂，就去問問約拿。”

她的老師問：“那麽，假如約拿下了地獄怎麽辦?”

那個小女孩回答：“如果是那樣的話，你就去問他。”

5 從未被抓到

An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No."

The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?"

The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."

申請人正在填寫求職申請。當他答到這個問題，“你被逮捕過嗎？” 他寫道，“沒有。”

下一個問題，針對曾經回答上一個問題為肯定的人，是“為什麽？”

申請人回答說：“從來沒有被抓到。”

6 狗聽不懂的曲子

A little boy was practicing his violin, while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally, the father could endure the combination no more and said, "Can't you play something the dog doesn't know?"

一個小男孩在練習小提琴，他的父親在讀報紙。隨著小男孩的琴聲，家裏養的狗也開始高一聲低一聲的叫起來。最後，小男孩的父親對這種組合實在忍不下去了，說，“難道你就不能拉一些狗聽不懂的曲子嗎?”

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