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周末一笑：管道修理工（轉載）

(2017-02-03 16:51:16) 下一個

1 管道修理工/A Plumber

My daughter Judy, who works for a plumbing company, found herself in need of a plumber at home. When she got to work, she asked that a plumber need to be sent. For several days her request was ignored.

In desperation, as she departed one afternoon she left her boss this note - "I will come to work in the morning as soon as a plumber gets to my house. " One arrived shortly before 7 a. m. next morning.

我女兒朱迪在一家管道公司工作。一日，她發現自己家裏需要一個管道修理工。於是，去上班時，她要求派一個管修工到她家裏。但一連幾天，她的要求都沒有得到回應。

出於無奈，一天下午下班時，她給老板留下這樣一張字條：“明早管修工一到我家，我即刻來上班。”第二天早晨還不到七點鍾就來了一位管修工。

2 地洞/Hole in the Ground

There was once a farmer who lived near a road. It was not a busy road, but from time to time, cars passed the farm. Near the farm gate, there was a large hole in the road. This hole was always full of water and the drivers of the cars could not see how deep the hole was. They thought it was probably shallow. Then when they drove into the hole, they could not drive out because it was so deep.

The farmer did not spend much time working on his farm. He spent most of it watching the hole. When a car drove into it, he pulled the car out with his tractor and charged the driver a lot of money for doing this.

One day, a driver of a car said to him: “You must make a lot of money by pulling cars out of this hole for days and nights.”

“Oh, no,”the farmer said.“I don't pull cars out of the hole at night. At night, I fill the hole with water.”

從前，有個農夫住在馬路邊上。這不是個繁忙的路段，但時不時有汽車從農場路過。就在農場大門的旁邊，路當中有個大坑。坑裏總是充滿了水，汽車司機根本看不出坑有多深。他們會以為很淺。司機們一旦把車開進坑裏，就別想再開出來，因為坑太深了。

農夫也不怎麽在農場裏幹活，大部分時間他都在注視著這個坑。當一個汽車開進坑裏，他就用他的拖拉機把它拉上來，然後為此向司機索要很多錢。

一天，一位汽車司機對他說：“你日日夜夜把汽車往外拉，肯定掙了很多錢。”

“哦，不，”農夫說，“我夜裏不幹這活兒，夜裏我得朝這坑裏注水。”

3 那個男人是誰/Who Was That Man

The owner of a small travel agency saw an attractive couple gazing at his travel poster. Suddenly inspired, he ran up and told them his idea. "I'll give you an all-expenses-paid vacation in exchange for appearing in ads endorsing my agency." They agreed on the spot.

Three weeks later he met them at the airport. While the man checked on their baggage, the travel agent asked the woman about the trip. "The food on the cruise ship was wonderful," she said, "and flying the Colorado was a thrill. But I do have one question. Who was that man I had to sleep with every night?"

一位小旅行社的老板看到漂亮的一男一女正在他的旅遊廣告牌前駐足觀看。他突然靈機一動，跑上前去告訴他們他的主意：“我為你們提供一次免費的旅遊，作為交換條件，你們必須在廣告中稱讚我的旅行社。”他們當場表示同意。

三周後，他在機場見到他們。那位男子在檢查行李時，這位旅行經紀人問那女子旅行情況。“遊船上的食物很好，”她說，“而且飛越科羅拉多大峽穀實在刺激。不過我確實想問一個問題，那每天晚上我都必須和他睡在一起的男人是誰？”

4 袋鼠的能力/The Ability of the Kangaroo

The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo, but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet, but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated, the zoo director had the height raised to 30 feet. But, the kangaroo got out again.

A giraffe asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they will build the fence?"

"I don't know," said the kangaroo. "Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked."

動物園為剛引進的袋鼠建了一個特殊的八英尺高的圍牆。但是第二天早上，人們發現這動物在圍牆外麵蹦跳著。於是圍牆高度增加到十五英尺，但袋鼠還是跑了出來。動物園經理甚感惱火，又叫人把圍牆高度加到三十英尺，但袋鼠還是逃了出來。

一個長頸鹿問袋鼠：“你認為他們會把圍牆建到多高？”

“我不知道，”袋鼠說，“如果他們繼續開著大門，可能要修到一千英尺吧。”

5 說不的男子/A Man Who Said No

A friend of mine noticed a man staggering about in the Times Square subway station. A well-dressed Wall Street type, his coat was unbuttoned, a briefcase dangled from his hand and he'd obviously had one too many.

Asked if he was all right, the man gave a slurred but affirmative response. However, my friend simply could not see someone brave the rough maw of a New York subway without trying to help. He followed the chap, and again asked, "Are you sure you're all right? What subway are you looking for? Do you need help getting home?"

At last, the object of his attentions snarled, in a low voice, "Leave me alone! I'm an undercover cop!"

我的一位朋友看到一個男子在時代廣場的地鐵車站搖搖晃晃地走。那個人穿著時髦，敞著懷，一個手提箱在他的手裏懸吊著，很明顯他是多喝了一杯。

我朋友問他怎麽樣，那男子含糊而肯定地回答說沒問題。然而我朋友就是不能眼看著有人在紐約地鐵獨入是非之地而置之不顧。他跟在那家夥的後麵，又一次問道：“你肯定你沒事？你在找哪個地鐵站？你需要幫忙回家嗎？”

他所注意的對象終於忍耐不住了，對他低聲咆哮道：“你給我走開！我是便衣警察！”

6 人們什麽時候說話最少/When Do People Talk Least?

Student A: When do people talk least?

Student B: In February.

Student A: Why?

Student B: Because February is the shortest month of a year.

學生甲：人們在什麽時候說話最少?

學生乙：在二月。

學生甲：為什麽呢?