南山鬆

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周末一笑：獨自在家（轉載）

(2017-02-17 16:48:22) 下一個

1 獨自在家/Home Alone

My wife always keep people from knowing she is home alone. One evening when I was working late, my wife heard a knock on the door. She ignored it, but the knocking continued. Frantic, she began to bark, softly at first, then louder and louder. Much to her relief, the knocking soon stopped.

The next day the paper boy came to the door to collect money. "I came by last night," he told me, "but I left when your wife barked at me!"

我妻子獨自在家時，總是不想讓別人知道家裏沒有其他的人。一天晚上，我工作到很晚。我妻子聽到有人敲門，她就沒理，但敲門的聲音總是不停，慌亂之中，她開始學狗叫。一開始她低聲地叫，隨後她的叫聲越來越大。敲門聲很快地停了，她這才鬆了口氣。　　

第二天，送報的小孩來我家收錢，那小孩告訴我:“我昨晚上就來了，你老婆衝我學狗叫，我就走了。”

2 What Was It She Wanted?

A store manager heard a clerk told a customer. “No, ma’am, we haven't had any for a while, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.” Horrified, the manager came running over to the customer and said, “Of course, we'll have some soon. We placed an order last week.” Then the manager drew the clerk aside: “Never, never, never say we are out of anything—say we've got it on order and it's coming. Now what was it she wanted?” “Rain.” said the clerk.

一個商店經理聽見一個店員對顧客說：“不，夫人，這會兒沒有，一時半會兒看來也不會有。”經理驚恐萬分地跑到顧客跟前說：“當然，馬上就會有的。我們上周訂了貨。”然後經理把店員拉到一邊：“千萬，千萬，千萬不要說我們沒有什麽——說我們已經訂了貨，貨馬上就到。現在你說她要買什麽?” “雨，”店員說。

3 你一個，我一個

One late autumn evening two boys, having collected a sack full of chestnuts, decided to share them out in a graveyard. On their way in one of the boys dropped the sack and two of the chestnuts rolled out. "We' ll get those later,” he said, and then they went to divide up the remainder. As they were counting them out a small girl happened to be crossing the graveyard, and to her horror she heard from behind a bush a voice say, "One for you, one for me. One for you , one for me” In terror she rushed to the gate and bumped into a policeman, "What' s the matter, little girl?" he asked, for she was obviously in great distress.

"Oh, Mr. Policeman!" She wailed, "There're ghosts in the graveyard, and they're sharing out the dead bodies! Listen!”

And as she held a trembling finger to her lips they heard a voice say, "One for you, one for me. And we mustn’t forget those two by the gate!”

一個深秋的晚上，兩個男孩撿了一袋栗子準備到墓地裏去平分。在進去的路上，一個男孩不小心把袋子掉在了地上，兩顆栗子滾了出去。“我們過會兒再來找。”他說。他們就進去分其餘的栗子。在他們分栗子時，碰巧有一個小姑娘從墓地穿過。她驚恐萬分地聽到樹叢後麵有個聲音在說:“你一個，我一個，你一個，我一個!”她嚇得急忙跑到門口，正撞上一個警察。警察見她萬分恐懼，就問:“小姑娘，出了什麽事了?”

“噢，警察先生。”她哭著說，“墓地裏麵有鬼，他們在分死屍呢!你聽!”

她把顫抖的手指豎在嘴唇前，這時他們聽見一個聲音說:“你一個，我一個，咱們可別忘了門口那兩個!”

4 瑪麗的學校/Mary's school

Mary was an English girl, but she lived in Rome. She was six years old.

Last year her mother said to her, "You're six years old now, Mary, and you're going to begin going to a school here. You're going to like it very much, because it's a nice school." "Is it an English school?" Mary asked. "Yes, it is," her mother said.

Mary went to the school, and enjoyed her lessons. Her mother always took her to school in the morning and brought her home in the afternoon.

Last Monday her mother went to the school at 4 o'clock, and Mary ran out of her class. "We've got a new girl in our class today, Mummy," she said. "She's six years old too, and she's very nice, but she isn't English. She's German." "Does she speak English?" Mary's mother asked. "No, but she laughs in English," Mary said happily.

瑪麗是一個英國女孩，但她住在羅馬。她6歲了。

去年，她的母親對她說：“你現在已經六歲了，瑪麗，並且將要開始去上學了。你會很喜歡它，因為它是一所非常好的學校。”瑪麗問道：“它是一所英語學校嗎？”她的母親回答道：“是的，它是。”

瑪麗來到了學校，並且她非常喜歡上課，她的母親總是早上帶她去學校，下午接她回家。

上周一，她的母親4點鍾來到學校，瑪麗從她班級裏跑出來。她說道：“媽媽，今天我們班新來了一個女孩兒，她也六歲了，她非常漂亮，但是她不是英國人，她是德國人。”瑪麗的母親問道：“那她是說英語嗎？”瑪麗高興地回答：“不是，但是她笑用英語。”

5 老夫老妻

A couple had been married for 50 years. "Things have really changed,” she said. "You used to sit very close to me.”

"Well，I can remedy that ,”he said, moving next to her on the couch.

"And you used to hold me tight.”

"How's that?" He asked as he gave her a hug.

"Do you remember you used to nudge my neck and nibble on my ear lobes?"

He jumped to his feet and left the room. "Where are you going?” she asked.

"I'll be right back ,” he said, "I've got to get my teeth!”

一對夫妻結婚已經五十年了。“今非昔比啦!”她說，過去你總是緊緊地挨著我坐。”

“嗯，我可以做些補救，”他說，挪到長沙發上，坐在她的旁邊。

“過去你總是緊緊地抱著我。”

“怎麽樣?”他擁抱了她一下，問道。

“你記不記得過去你總是貼近我的脖子，咬我的耳朵?”

他跳起來離開了房間。“你去哪兒?”她問道。

“我馬上就回來，”他說，“我得去取我的牙齒!”

6 聖誕樹

Searching through row upon row of Christmas trees, my husband Norm and I picked one we liked. Then I noticed the one being held by a woman nearby was the perfect tree. I watched as she carried it around the lot and couldn’t believe my eyes when she set it aside.

I ditched ours and ran over to grab the coveted tree. "Aren't we lucky?" I said to Norm. "I do feel a little guilty, however, for taking it before she could change her mind.”

"I wouldn’t worry,” he replied, "she just ran over and snatched ours."

我和丈夫諾姆挑選聖誕樹，挑了一排又一排，終於選了一棵中意的。這時我注意到旁邊一位婦女手裏拿的一棵—那是一棵絕好的聖誕樹。她拿著那棵樹在那個地方走來走去，我就一直看著。當她將樹放到一邊時，我簡直都不敢相信我的眼睛了。

我丟開我們選的那棵，跑過去一把抓住那棵我垂涎已久的聖誕樹。“我們真走運!”我對諾姆說:“不過，我確實覺得有點愧疚，在她還沒來得及改變主意之前就把它拿了下來。”

“我一點都不擔心，”他回答說。“她剛剛跑過來把我們那棵搶走了。”

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