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周末一笑：幹淨的杯子（轉載）

(2017-01-20 17:26:41) 下一個

1 幹淨的杯子

Joe and Fred were helping to build a house in a village. The weather was very warm, there was a lot of dust everywhere, and by half past twelve, they were very thirsty, so they stopped work to have their lunch. They found the nearest small bar, went in and sat down with their sandwiches.

“Good afternoon, gentlemen. What can I get you? ” The man behind the bar asked.

Joe looked at Fred and said, “Beer, I think. Yes, a pint of beer each. Is that all right for you, Fred?”

“Yes, that's all right. ” Fred said. Then he turned to the man behind the bar and said, “and I want it in a clean glass! Don't forget that.”

The man behind the bar filled the glasses and brought them to Joe and Fred. Then he said. “Which of you asked for the clean glass?”

喬和佛瑞德在一個村子裏幫忙蓋一間房子。天氣很暖和，到處都有許多灰塵。12點半的時候，他們覺得非常口渴，便停下來去吃午飯了。他們找到最近的一家酒吧，走進去坐下吃他們的三明治。

“下午好，先生。你們想要點什麽？”櫃台後麵的伺應問道。

喬看了看佛瑞德說：“我想，啤酒吧。好，那就每人一品脫啤酒。這樣可以嗎，佛瑞德？”

“好的，可以。”佛瑞德說。然後他轉過去跟櫃台後麵的侍應說：“我要啤酒裝在一個幹淨的杯子裏！別忘了。”

櫃台後麵的侍應倒滿杯子後，拿給喬和佛瑞德，接著說：“剛才哪一位要幹淨的杯子的？”

2 醫生向母親索吻

During the doctor's periodic visit to my elderly mother, I told him that mother would be celebrating her 98th birthday in few days. Delighted by the news, he bent down and gave her a kiss for the occasion. He then announced that he, too, would be celebrating a birthday in few days and asked for a kiss in return.

When he left, my mother shook her head in disgust. "Can you imagine, " she said. "Seventy dollars and I had to kiss him too! "

醫生按期來探視我的老母。我告訴他母親不幾天就要慶祝她98歲的生日了。醫生聽了也很高興，為此，他彎下腰來親了她一下。然後他說不幾天他也要慶祝自己的生日，並要求她還他一個吻。

醫生走後，我母親厭惡地搖搖頭。“你能想象嗎，”她說，“付了他70元，我還得親他！”

3 誰是第一個男人

A teacher said to her class：“Who was the first man?”

“George Washington，”a little boy shouted promptly．"

“How do you make out that George Washington was the first man？”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently．

“Because，”said the little boy，“He was first in war，first in peace，and first in the hearts of his countrymen．”

But at this point a larger boy held up his hand．

“Well，”said the teacher to him，“Who do you think was the first man？”

“I don't know what his name was，”said the larger boy，“But I know it wasn't George Washington，ma’am，because the history book says George Washington married a widow，so，of course，there must have been a man ahead of him．”

有個老師問班上的學生：“誰是第一個男人？”

“喬治·華盛頓，”一個小男孩當即叫道。

“你怎麽知道喬治·華盛頓是第一個男人呢？”老師問道，寬容地微笑著。

小男孩說：“因為他是戰時第一，和時第一，國人心中第一。”

這時一個大點兒的男孩舉起手來。

“那麽，”老師對他說，“你認為誰是第一個男人呢？”

“我不知道他的名字，”大點兒的男孩說，“但我知道不是喬治·華盛頓，老師。因為曆史書上說，喬治·華盛頓娶了一個寡婦，所以在他前麵肯定還有一個男人。”

4 浪費還是節約

Father: Oh, Jack, you have slept away the whole morning. Don't you know you are wasting time?

Jack: Yes, dad. But I've saved you a meal, haven't I?

父親：噢，傑克，你又睡了一上午。難道你不知道你這是在浪費時間嗎？

傑克：我知道，爸爸。可我還給您節省了一頓飯呢，是不是？

5 超速行駛的原因

Harry and Lloyd were speeding down the road. A police car pulled them over.

"Why on earth were you driving so fast?" the policeman yelled.

"Our brakes are no good, so we wanted to get there before we had an accident!

哈裏與勞埃德超速行駛，一輛警車攔住了他們。

“你們為什麽開那麽快？”警官喊道。

“我們的刹車不好，因此我們想在發生事故前趕緊到達目的地。”

6 能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎

A man wrote a letter to a small hotel which he planned to visit on his vacation: "I like to bring my dog with me very much. He is well-groomed and well behaved. Could you allow me to keep him in my room with me at night?"

An immediate reply came from the hotel owner, who said, "I've been operating this hotel for many years. In all that time, I've never had a dog steal towels, bedclothes, silverware or pictures off the walls. I've never had to evict a dog in the middle of the night for being drunk and disorderly. And I've never had a dog run out on a hotel bill. Yes, indeed, your dog is welcome at my hotel. And, if your dog will vouch for you, you're welcome to stay here, too."

一個人給一家他計劃在假期裏停留的小旅館寫了封信，“我非常希望帶著我的狗，它很幹淨很有教養，你能允許它和我睡一間屋子嗎?”

旅館主人立即回了封信，“我經營旅館很多年了，狗從沒偷過毛巾，床單，餐具，或者牆上的畫。我也從沒有在半夜因為狗喝醉胡鬧而趕走它，狗也從不不付帳就跑掉。實際上我們非常歡迎您的狗來我們旅館，如果它為您擔保也歡迎您來。”

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