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1 求生/Seeking to survive
A sick man was about to die. The doctor decided to tell him the truth.
He looked down at the sick man and said: "I think you would like to know the facts, so I should tell you that you are very sick now. Do you want somebody to come to see you?"
"Yes," the sick man answered in a very feeble voice. "Who is it?" asked the doctor. The patient replied in a slightly stronger tone, "Another doctor".
有個病人快要死了，醫生決定告訴他真相。
他看著病人：“我想你想知道事實，所以我應該告訴你，你已經病得很重了。現在你想有什麽人來看你嗎？”
“是啊，”病人回答，聲音十分微弱。醫生問：“誰呢？”這時病人用稍微強烈的語氣回答說：“另一位醫生。”
2 布朗先生和他的汽車/Mr Brown and his Car
Mr.Brown lives in a small town, but then he gets a job in a big city and moves there with his wife and his two children. On the first Sunday in their new home, Brown takes his new car out of the garage and washes it. A neighbor comes by. When he sees Brown's new car, the neighbor stops and looks at it for a minute. Then Brown turns and sees him.
The neighbor says, "That's a nice car. Is it yours?" "Sometimes." Brown answers.
The neighbor is surprised. "Sometimes?" he says. "What do you mean?"
"Well," answers Brown slowly, "When there is a party in the town, it belongs to my daughter, Jane. When there is a football game somewhere, it belongs to my son, Joe. When I've washes it, and it is really nice and clean, then it belongs to my wife. And when it needs gas, it's mine."
布朗先生居住在一個小城鎮裏，但隨後在大城市裏得到了工作並和他的妻子，兩個孩子搬到了城裏。在他搬到新家的第一個星期天，布朗先生把他的小汽車從車庫裏開出來進行衝洗。一位鄰居經過。當他看見布朗先生的新車時，這位鄰居停下來看了一會兒。接著布朗先生轉身看見了他。
鄰居說：“這輛車真漂亮，是你的嗎？”“有時候是。”布朗先生回答。
這位鄰居很吃驚。“有時？”他說：“什麽意思？”
“哦，”布朗先生慢慢地說：“當城鎮有聚會時，它屬於我的女兒——簡。當某處有足球賽時，就屬於我的兒子——喬。當我洗刷好車，車看起來確實幹淨漂亮，它就屬於我妻子。當需要汽油時，它這時就屬於我了。“
3 征婚啟事/The personals
Things were really getting worse after the war. Life became so difficult that a lot of people lived in want.
A newspaper had published an advertisement for a man in want of tires: "Owner of a truck would like to correspond with a widow who owns two tires. Object: matrimony. Send picture of tires."
戰後情況真是越來越糟了。生活變得非常艱難，缺少東西的人很多。
有一家報紙曾給一個需要輪胎的人登過一個這樣的廣告：“一部貨車的車主願意和一位備有兩個輪胎的寡婦通信。目的：成婚。 要把輪胎的照片寄過來。”
4 一個遭遇海難的水手/A shipwrecked sailor
A sailor was the only survivor of the shipwreck.
He had to stay on a desert island for three years.
One day he was very pleased to find a ship anchored in the day. When a small boat came ashore, an officer handed him a bunch of newspaper and said, "The captain suggests you read what's going on the world, and then tell us if you want to be rescued."
一個水手是船隻失事後唯一的幸存者。
他不得不在一個荒島上待了三年。
有一天他非常高興地看到一艘大船停泊在海灣了。當一隻小艇駛到岸邊來時，一個軍官把一堆報紙遞給他，對他說：“船長建議你看看這些報紙，了解世情後再告訴我們，你想不想被解救。”
5 高薪/High pay
A famous lawyer always lectured his office boy. He thought it was good for the boy although he didn't need it.
One day it happened that the lawyer heard his office boy asked by the one employed next door, "How much does he pay you?" His office boy replied, "I get two thousand dollars a year. He pays some ten dollars a week in cash and the rest in his legal advice."
一位著名的律師老是給他辦公室的勤雜工講課，認為這對他有好處，盡管他並不需要。
有一天，這位律師偶然聽到隔壁鄰居的勤雜工問他的勤雜工：“他給你多少薪金？”他的勤雜工回答說：“我的年薪是2000美元，他每周付給我10美元左右的現金，其餘的都算做他給我上課的學費啦。”
6 誠實/Honesty
A man went to an insurance office to have his life insured. The manager of the office asked him how old his parents were when they died.
"Mother had a bad heart and died at the age of thirty. Father died of tuberculosis when he was thirty-five."
"I am very sorry," said the manager, "We cannot insure your life as your parents were not healthy."
As the man was leaving the office, depressed, he met a clerk who had overheard the conversation.
"You must not be so frank and tell the truth," said the clerk, "no office will insure you if you speak like that. Use your imagination a little."
The man went to another office and was shown into the manager's room.
"Well, young man, how old were your parents when they died ? "
"Mother was ninety-three, and she died from a fall off her bicycle. Father was ninety-eight and he died while he was playing football."
一位男子去一家保險公司給自己投人壽保險。保險公司經理問他，他父母去世時他們是多大歲數。
“母親心髒不好，30歲過世的。父親死於肺結核，其時35歲。”
“我非常抱歉，”經理說，“ 我們不能給你辦人壽保險，因為你父母身體不健康。”
正當此人沮喪地離開保險公司時，他遇上了一位辦事員，此人無意中聽到了經理和他的談話。
“你不應該如此坦率地講真話，”那位辦事員說，“ 如果照你那樣講，沒有一家公司會給你辦人壽保險。發揮一點你的想象力吧！”
這位男子去到另一家保險公司，被帶進了經理室。
“嗯，年輕人，你父母去世時他們多大歲數?”
“母親93歲，她是從自行車上摔下來去世的。父親98 歲，他是在踢足球時去世的。”
哈哈哈,小小月好!可惜不是真的:)
小小月,周末快樂!
菲兒好! 是,第一個有用. 我們家那位挑剔的,我說做這個,人家不感興趣,做那個,人家不喜歡.我都不知道該做什麽好.但今天我一定給你交作業:)
菲兒,周末快樂!
哈哈, 花甲老翁好! 嗯,關鍵時刻,要像第一位一樣提出要求:)
花甲老翁,周末快樂!
小小好,是啊,分工不同~ 小小,周末快樂!
健康好,很高興你喜歡,周末快樂!
婉妮好,周末快樂!
問好盒子,周末快樂!
鬆鬆周末快樂！
家家好! 很高興你喜歡這兩個:)
家家,周末快樂!
給沙發上的點點上茶:)
是啊,父母那麽長壽,他的人壽保險肯定沒問題了.換一個醫生多一個希望哈.車的加油和保修多數是丈夫的事哈:)
問好點點,周末快樂!