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周末一笑: 晚餐準備好了(轉載)

(2016-09-16 15:35:23) 下一個

1 晚餐準備好了/Dinner's ready

My cooking has always been the target of family jokes. One evening, as I prepared dinner a bit too quickly, the kitchen filled with smoke and the smoke detector went off. Although both of my children had received fire-safety training at school, they did not respond to the alarm. Annoyed, I stormed through the house in search of them.

I found them in the bathroom, washing their hands. Over the loud buzzing of the smoke alarm, I asked them to identify the sound.

"It's the smoke detector," they replied in unison.

"Do you know what that sound means?" I demanded.

"Sure," my oldest replied. "Dinner's ready."

我的廚藝一直以來都是全家人取笑的對象。一天晚上，由於晚餐準備得太快了一點兒，弄得廚房裏全是煙霧，連煙霧探查器也響了起來。雖然我的兩個孩子在學校裏都接受過防火安全訓練，然而他們對警報卻毫無反應。我很生氣，怒氣衝衝地在房間裏到處找他們。

我在浴室裏找到了正在洗手的他們。我的聲音大過了警報聲，要求他們辨別那種聲音。

“是煙霧探查器。”他們不約而同地回答。

“你們知道那種聲音代表什麽嗎？”我問道。

“當然，”大一點的孩子回答，“晚飯已經好了。”

2 媽媽的報複/Mother's revenge

After two weeks of Air Force basic training. I called home. "You wouldn't believe how strict they are," I complained. "They even give demerits for things like not hanging your towel straight or not tightening the cap of your toothpaste properly."

"Well, dear," my mom responded, "don't think of it as basic training. Think of it as Mother's revenge."

經過兩個星期的空軍基礎訓練，我給家裏打電話，“你不相信他們的要求是多麽的嚴格，”我抱怨道，“他們甚至對像毛巾掛得不直或牙膏蓋沒擰緊這樣的小事都要記過。”

“好，親愛的，”媽媽回道，“不要那樣看待基礎訓練，把它看作是媽媽的報複吧。”

3 回應/Response

Frequent hand-washing in my job as a medical technologist and the harsh Alaskan weather combined to give me very dry skin. One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with petroleum jelly and covered them with a pair of old white gloves.

As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my husband finished showering and came into the room. Drying himself off, he went to the closet, selected a tie and began putting it on.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Well," he replied, "if you're going to be formal, so am I."

我是一名醫藥技師，頻繁的洗手以及阿拉斯加惡劣的天氣，讓我的皮膚十分幹燥。一天晚上，我在休息前用凡士林膏抹了抹手，並帶上了一副舊的白手套。

我坐在床上看書，手上還戴著白手套，丈夫洗完澡進了臥室。擦幹身子之後，他走到壁櫥前，選了一條領帶開始紮上。

“你這是幹什麽？”我問。

“噢，”他回答，“如果你想正式一點，那我隻有這樣做了。”

4 我寫的/I wrote

One of the guests turned to a man by his side to criticize the singing of the woman who was trying to entertain them.

"What a terrible voice! Do you know who she is?"

"Yes," was the answer. "She's my wife."

"Oh, I beg your pardon. Of course, it isn't her voice, really. It's the stuff she has to sing. I wonder who wrote that awful song."

"I did," was the answer.

一位客人轉向他旁邊的男士，想評論一下一位女士的歌喉，這位女士正在試圖取悅客人們。

“多麽糟糕的嗓音啊！你知不知道這位女士是誰？”“知道。”他答道，“她是我的妻子。”

“哦，非常抱歉。當然，事實上我指的並非是她的嗓音，而是她所唱的內容。我想弄明白如此糟糕的歌詞是誰寫的？”

“我寫的。”他回答說。

5 遲到的原因/The Reason of Being Late

Teacher: Johnny, why are you late for school every morning?

Johnny: Every time I come to the corner, a guidepost says, 'School -- Go Slow'.

老師：約翰尼，為什麽你每天早晨都遲到?

約翰尼：每當我經過學校附近的拐角處，就見路牌上寫著‘學校-緩行’。

6 杯水救火災

Once, late at night, an Englishman came out of his room into the corridor of a hotel and asked the servant to bring him a glass of water.
The servant did as he was asked. The Englishman re-entered his room, but a few minutes later he came into the corridor again and once more asked the servant for a glass of water. The servant brought him another glass of water. Every few minutes the Englishmen would come out of his room and repeat his request.
After a half-hour the astonished servant decided to ask the Englishman what he was doing with the water. Nothing, the Englishman answered imperturbably, "It’s simply that my room is on fire. "

一天深夜，一個英國人從他住的旅店房間裏走出來，來到走廊上，叫旅店的服務員給他拿一杯水來。
服務員按他的要求做了。英國人回到了他的房間裏，幾分鍾後他又來到走廊上，讓服務員再給他送一杯水。服務員又給他送了一杯水。每隔幾分鍾。英國人就走出房間重複他的要求。
半小時之後，這位感到驚訝的服務員決定問問房客要這些水幹什麽，英國人不謊不忙地回答：“沒什麽，隻不過是我的房間裏起火了。”

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