南山鬆

陽光明媚清風起，微波蕩漾碧藍天。

首頁文章列表博文目錄

個人資料

南山鬆 (熱門博主)

給我悄悄話

博客訪問：

周末一笑: 離婚(轉載)

(2016-09-09 14:18:41) 下一個

1 離婚/Divoce

A husband and wife, both 91, stood before a judge, asking for a divorce. "I don't understand," He said, "Why do you want a divorce at this time of life?" The husband explained "Well, you see, we wanted to wait until the children died."

有一個丈夫和妻子都是91歲，他們站在法官麵前，要求離婚。“我不明白，”法官說，“你們為什麽到了這把年紀還要離婚?”丈夫解釋道：“嗯，你要知道，我們以前是要等到孩子們都死了。”

2 沒學會花錢

A friend was trying to encourage his elderly mother to enjoy the money, she had accumulated through frugal living. "Mother," he said, "you have enough money to last you until you're a hundred."

"And then what'll I do?" she replied.

一位朋友試圖勸他的年老的媽媽要享用錢，她通過節儉的生活攢下了錢。“媽媽，”他說，“你有足夠的錢能讓你用到一百歲。”

“到了一百歲又該怎麽辦？”她回答。

3 我需要器官移植

The patient is adamant. "Doc, I need a liver transplant, a kidney transplant, a heart transplant, a cornea transplant, a spleen transplant, a pancreas trans. . ." "What makes you think you need all these?" Well, replied the patient, "My boss said if I wanted to keep my job I needed to get reorganized."

這個病人顯得很堅決。“醫生，我需要做肝髒移植、腎髒移植、心髒移植、角膜移植、脾髒移植、胰腺移植和……” “你為什麽認為你需要做這麽多移植手術?”病人回答：“哦，是這樣，我的老板說如果我這個人不重新組裝的話，就別想保住我的工作!”

4 我的資產現在已被凍結

My cousin always "borrows" money from her older brother's piggy bank, which drives him crazy.

One day, she found the piggy in, of all places, the refrigerator.

Inside was this note: "Dear sister, I hope you'll understand, but my capital has been frozen."

我表妹總是從她哥哥的小豬撲滿裏“借錢”，她哥哥對此事感到很憤怒。

一天，她找遍所有的地方在冰箱裏找到了撲滿。

撲滿裏有張紙條：“親愛的妹妹，我希望你能夠理解，我的資產現在已被凍結。”

5 真掃興/The thrill is gone

About two weeks before our fifth anniversary, my husband asked me what I would like for a gift. I told him I wanted something impractical and romantic.

On our anniversary, he presented me with a lovely gold bracelet. "A little four-letter word made me get this for you," he said softly.

"Oh, how sweet," I whispered. "L-O-V-E?"

"No," he replied. "S-A-L-E."

我們結婚五周年前大約兩周時，我丈夫問我喜歡什麽禮物。我告訴他我要那些沒有實用價值卻又富於浪漫色彩的。

在我們的周年紀念日那天，他向我展示了一副可愛的金手鐲。“一個小小的四字詞，讓我為你買了這個。”他溫和地說。

“哦，多甜蜜。”我耳語他。“L-O-V-E（愛）?”

“不對，”他回答。“S-A-L-E.（處理）”

6 陪審團主席/The Foreman's Position

A judge in a small city was hearing a drunk-driving case and the defendant, who had both a record and a reputation for driving under the influence, demanded a jury trial. It was nearly 4 p. m. and getting a jury would take time, so the judge called a recess and went out in the hall looking to impanel anyone available for jury duty. He found a dozen lawyers in the main lobby and told them that they were a jury.

The lawyers thought this would be a novel experience and so followed the judge back to the courtroom. The trial was over in about 10 minutes and it was very clear that the defendant was guilty. The jury went into the jury-room, the judge started getting ready to go home, and everyone waited.

After nearly three hours, the judge was totally out of patience and sent the bailiff into the jury-room to see what was holding up the verdict. When the bailiff returned, the judge said, "Well, have they got a verdict yet?"

The bailiff shook his head and said, "Verdict? Hell, they're still doing nominating speeches for the foreman's position!"

在一個小城市，一位法官正在審理一起酒後駕車案件。被告不僅有過酒後駕車的記錄，而且聲譽也不是太好，現在隻是缺少一個陪審團作出裁決。因為已經接近下午四點，找個陪審團來會耽誤很多時間。因此，法官宣布休庭後，就到外麵隨便挑選了一些人來充當陪審團。他發現大廳剛好有12個律師，便請求他們充當陪審團。

律師們認為這將會是一次新奇的經曆，因此，便跟隨法官回到了法庭。不到10分鍾，案子就已接近尾聲，因為被告明顯是有罪的。陪審團回到陪審室進行商議，法官就等著宣布結果，馬上回家。每個人都在等待著。

大概過了3個小時，法官已經徹底失去了耐心，便派法警去看看判決為什麽耽誤了這麽久。當法警回來後，法官問他：“怎麽樣？他們是否作出了最後的判決？”

法警搖搖頭說：“判決？天啊，他們為了推選陪審團主席，還在進行演講呢！”

[ 打印 ]

[ 加入書簽 ]