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周末一笑: 都不是(轉載)

(2016-09-02 15:52:49) 下一個

1 都不是/Neither

It was local election time and the candidate was visiting all the houses in his area.

At one house a small boy answered the door. "Tell me, young man," said the politician. "Is your mommy in the Republican Party or the Democratic Party?"

"Neither," said the child, "she's in the bathroom."

正值當地競選時期，候選人到他的區域的所有人家登門拜訪。

候選人來到了一家門口，一個小男孩開了門。“告訴我，年輕人，” 政客問道，“你母親是在共和黨還是在民主黨?”

“都不是，”孩子答到，“她在浴室。”

2 決鬥/A Duel

Little Peter came home from the playground with a bloody nose, black eye, and torn clothing.

It was obvious he'd been in a bad fight and lost. His father asked his son what happened. "Well, Dad," said Peter, "I challenged Larry to a duel. And, you know, I gave him his choice of weapons."

"Uh-huh," said the father, "that seems fair."

"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"

小彼得從操場回到家時，鼻子流血、黑著眼圈、衣服也被撕破了。

顯然他剛與人惡鬥了一番，而且輸了。父親問兒子發生了什麽事。“噢，爸爸，”彼得說，“我向拉裏挑起決鬥，而且我讓他挑選武器。”

“嗯，”父親說，“這看上去很公平!”

“我知道，但我沒想到他選擇了他姐姐!”

3 肚裏就不會長蟲了!

A father was trying to teach his son the evils of alcohol. He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "What does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have worms."

一位父親打算讓自己的兒子知道酒精有多麽可怕。他把一隻蟲子放到一杯清水而另一隻蟲子放到一杯威士忌裏。清水裏蟲子安然無恙，結果威士忌裏的蟲子蜷縮起來就掛掉了。

"所以，兒子啊，"父親問道，"得出什麽結論?"

"嗯，這說明，你隻要喝酒的話，肚裏就不會長蟲了!"

4 什麽也沒留下

Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING."

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

"THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!"

布朗太太要外出一天。她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家裏沒人，請不要留下任何東西!”

她當天晚上回家後發現房間門被撞開，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發現加了一句：“謝謝!我們什麽也沒留下!”

5 他的得數隻比正確答案多二/He Was Only Wrong by Two

Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an American college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren't always smart enough to be accepted by the college.

One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I'd better ask him a few questions first."

Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn’t know any of the answers.

At last the dean said, "Well, what's five times seven?"

The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six."

The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two."

傑克霍金斯是美國一所學院的橄欖球隊教練，他竭力想找到好球員。但是好球員學業不行，院方不願錄取。

有一天，教練帶著一位優秀的年輕球員去見學院院長，希望院方同意他免試入學。經過一番勸說後院長說：“那我最好先問他幾個問題。”

然後他轉向學生，問了幾個非常簡單的問題。可是那個學生一個也答不上來。

最後院長說：“那麽，五乘七得多少?”

學生想了很久，然後回答說：“三十六。”

院長攤開雙手失望地看了看教練。可是教練認真地說，“噢，錄取他吧，先生。他的答案隻比正確答案多二。”

6 粗心的教授

The absent-minded professor shouted: "Kate, come to the blackboard!"