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周末一笑: 直言不諱(轉載)

(2016-07-22 15:05:15) 下一個

1 直言不諱/Plainspoken

My husband bought me an automatic dishwasher for my birthday. In filling out the guarantee, he came across the question, “What year and model dishwasher did you're replace?" He wrote: "Wife—Age 24".

我丈夫為我的生日給我買了台自動洗碗機。在填寫保修單時，他遇到這個問題:“你替換的洗碗機的生產的年和型號是什麽?”我丈夫寫道:“妻子—24歲”。

2 跑道已清/The runways are clear

An airline ticket agent was being given a particularly rough time by a woman who complained about the departure times. She said, “Young man, I could stick a feather in my ear and get there faster. "

"Madam," replied the agent calmly, "the runways are clear."

一位機票代理在一名婦女向他抱怨飛機起飛時間時感到特別難受。那位婦女說:“年輕人，我耳朵上貼個羽毛，都會比你們的飛機先到那兒。”

“夫人, ”售票員平靜地說:“飛機跑道正空著呢。”

3 一報還一報/Tit for Tat

An acquaintance of mine stopped at a local tavern after work and spent the evening there. When he arrived home around ten o'clock, his wife was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting. Instead of questioning or scolding him, however, she simply asked pleasantly if he wanted dinner. He was not interested in eating, and went off to bed.

At 3:30 am, the alarm went off. He scrambled out of bed and turned on the light. When he saw the time, he roared at his wife, demanding an explanation.

"Well," she replied placidly, "if it took you four hours to get home from work, I figured it would take you four hours to get back to work, and I didn't want you to be late. "

我的一個熟人在一次下班後，去了一個當地的小酒館，在那兒他消磨了一個晚上。當他十點左右到家時，他的妻子正坐在廚房的桌旁等他。她沒有追問也沒有責備他，隻是愉快地問他想不想吃晚餐。他已經對吃不感興趣了，於是就上床睡覺了。

淩晨3:30，鬧鍾響了。他急忙下床，打開了燈。當他看清了時間時，他衝妻子大聲吼叫要求解釋。

“好啊，”妻子平靜地說:“我想，假如你下班回家路上花了四個小時的話，你上班當然也需要花四個小時趕路了。我不想讓你遲到。”

4 我對她不了解/I don't know her well

As a courier for an express delivery service, I tried to deliver a package that required refrigeration, but found no one home. I went to the house next door and told the woman who answered that I had a package for her neighbor." Oh, she works Monday through Friday and every other Saturday, "said the woman, "and some Sundays. She leaves about 7:40 in the morning and gets home around 5:30，unless she goes to the store, in which case it's closer to seven. And she's going to the store tonight because her kids are coming to visit her all the way from California!"

When she paused to take a breath, I asked if she would accept her neighbor's package. "Oh, no, I can't do that, "she said. "I don't know her that well. "

作為一名快件郵遞員，我曾一次送一個需冷凍的包裹。但沒人在家。我便敲開了鄰居的門，告訴開門的婦女我有一個她鄰居的包裹。“噢，她從星期一到星期五和隔周的星期六工作。”那位女鄰居說。“有時她星期天也工作。她每天早上7:40離家，下午5:30左右回來。除非她要去商店，那樣接近7:00她才能回來。今天晚上她要去商店，因為她的孩子將特地從加利福尼亞來看她。”

她停下喘氣的工夫，我問她能否替鄰居先把這包裹收下。“哦，不行，我可不能收。”她說:“我對她不怎麽了解。”

5 永遠是駕駛員!/Be a driver

Our oldest son, Willy, a helicopter pilot stationed at Fort Rucker, Alaska, lives and breathes flying. When he called to say he'd be driving home for Christmas, a 16-hour trip, we were surprised. "Why don’t you fly home?" my wife asked.

"Because," Willy replied, "I hate riding in the back! "

我的大兒子威利，是阿拉斯加州拉克堡的一名直升飛機駕駛員，生活、呼吸在飛行中。當他打電話說他要駕車回家過聖誕節，一個16個小時的旅途時，我們非常驚訝。“你為什麽不坐飛機回來呢?”我妻子問。

“因為，”威利說: “我討厭坐在後麵。”

6 不同職責/Different duty

I was taking my mother for a drive, and she' d scold me whenever I went over the speed limit. Unfortunately, I dismissed her advice, and a state trooper pulled me over and issued a ticket.

As my mother and I continued on our way, I complained that he should have let me off with a warning. "Joan," she said, "I gave you the warning. He gave you the ticket. "

我開車帶著我媽，每次我開快車超速時，母親都責怪我。不幸的是，我對她的忠告不屑一顧，一位州警叫我停了車，並給了我張罰單。

當我和母親繼續趕路時，我抱怨那州警不應罰我，應給我個警告。“瓊，”媽媽說:“我給了你警告，他給了你罰單。”

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