南山鬆

陽光明媚清風起，微波蕩漾碧藍天。

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周末一笑: 出售(轉載)

(2016-07-08 17:16:54) 下一個

1 出售/Sale

When we decided to sell our house, we nailed "FOR SALE BY OWNER" signs on two trees in our front yard. Before long, the doorbell rang. “How much are you asking for the trees?" a young man asked.

當我們決定賣掉我們的房子時，我們就在前院的兩棵樹上釘了寫著“由業主出售”的牌子。沒過多久，我們的門鈴就響了。“你們的樹想賣多少錢?” 一位年輕男子問。

2 他似乎懂了/He seems to understand

While I was on a cruise to Mexico, one of the director's assistants got off the ship for her usual five-mile walk. Bored with the same old scenery, she decided to try another route. Sometime later she discovered that she didn't know how to get back to the ship. She hailed a cab only to find that the driver didn't speak English. Trying to make him understand her needs, she pulled out a postcard of the ship from her purse and showed it to him. "Si! Si!" the driver exclaimed, knowingly. Then he took her to the post office.

在我去墨西哥的遊輪上，一位總監的助手下了船，如同以往走路五英裏。她已經厭煩了那些舊景，決定嚐試另一條路線。一會兒之後她發現她不知道怎樣回到船上了。她叫了一輛出租車，卻發現那司機不會說英語。試圖讓司機明白她的需要，她從錢包裏取出了一張印有船的明信片給司機看。“悉!悉!”那司機叫道，好像是明白了。然後他把她送到了郵局。

3 一半的損失/Half-lost

I started my usual running with my friend as I put on my new leather gloves. I told my friend that they cost me 50 dollars. As I felt that my hands were sweating inside the new warm gloves on the way, I took them off and tucked them into my pockets. The sky was so blue and I was in a good mood, so I chased my friend on the road.

Ten minutes later when I was going to wear them again, I suddenly realized that my pockets were empty. I felt greatly distressed.

Later, my friend was willing to retrace the route with me, and we found one glove along the road.

"Wow!" said my friend,” now you have only lost $25."

當我戴上了我的新皮手套時就開始同往常一樣和朋友外出跑步。我告訴我的朋友，這副手套花了我50美元。當我覺得我的手在這新的暖融融的手套裏出汗時，我把手套摘了下來，塞進了口袋裏。天空是這麽藍，我的心情是那麽好。所以，我在路上追著朋友。

十分鍾後，當我再想戴手套時，卻發現口袋裏空了。我感到十分沮喪。

後來，我的朋友願意和我一起原路返回，我們沿路找到了一隻。

“哇!”我的朋友說: “現在你隻丟了25美元。”

4 我當您的兒子/I'm your son

Shortly after our teen-age son started his first job at a family restaurant, we decided to surprise him by having dinner there one night. I was warned by other family members not to embarrass him by making it obvious I was his mother. Being an exuberant parent, I found this difficult but managed to act like other customers. I kept my head bent over the menu and politely accepted silverware and a glass of water---all without glancing up.

I realized I may have been a bit too successful in keeping my distance when my son stared pointedly at me and said, “Hello, my name is Andrew, and I'll be your son for this evening.”

我們十幾歲的兒子在一個家庭餐館開始了他的第一份工作不久，我們決定某個晚上到那個餐館吃頓飯，給他個驚喜。家裏的其他人告誡我不要顯示出我是他的媽媽，以免讓他感到難為情。作為一個生氣勃勃的母親，我發現要做到這點很難，但我還是裝作像其他顧客一樣。我一直低著頭看菜單，很禮貌地接過餐具和一杯水，始終沒抬眼看。

當我們的兒子緊盯著我說: “你好，我叫安德魯，今晚我將是您的兒子。”時，我意識我可能距離保持得有點兒太成功了。

5 固執/Stubborn

As a real-estate broker, I once listed a house that had several rooms decorated in hot pink. I advised the seller to repaint, and was thrilled when he called to say he had done so. "You were right," he said. "It looks much better now."

Several days later I showed the house to prospective buyers. We found the interior all freshly painted—in the same shade of hot pink.

作為一個房地產商，一次我把一座有幾間屋子被噴成豔粉色的房子加到了銷售名單上。我向賣主建議把房子重噴一下，他回電話說他已經噴完了時我非常高興，“你是對的，”他說。“現在房子看上去好多了。”

幾天後，我帶著幾個可能的買主去看房子。我們發現裏麵全被粉刷一新，不過仍然是豔粉色。

6 幫倒忙/Alternative help

"I'll need to see your license and registration, "says the highway patrolman after stopping a middle-aged couple. "You were speeding.”

"But, officer," says the husband, "I was way under the speed limit.”

"Sir, you were doing 63 in a 55 Zone.”

"I was not speeding!" insists the man. "Your radar gun must be broken. "

At this point, the wife leans over. "It's no use arguing with him, officer," she says apologetically." He always gets this stubborn when he's been drinking."

“我需要看你的駕照和車證，”高速公路巡警在攔住了一對中年夫婦時說:“你們超速了。”

“但是，警官，”丈夫說，“我是在限速下的。”

“先生，你在限速55英裏的地區開到了63英裏。”

“我沒有超速，”那個人堅持說:“你的雷達測速儀一定壞了。”

這時，他的老婆湊了上來:“跟他爭論是沒用的，警察先生，”她歉意地說道:“他每次喝完酒都這麽固執。”