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周末一笑: 為什麽學醫?(轉載)

(2016-05-20 16:18:29) 下一個

1 為什麽學醫?/ Why Study Medicine?

A pipe burst in a doctor's house. He called a plumber. The plumber arrived, unpacked his tools, did mysterious plumber type things for a while, and handed the doctor a bill for $600.

The doctor exclaimed, "This is ridiculous! I don’t even make that much as a doctor!" The plumber waited for him to finish and quietly said, "Neither did I when I was a doctor.”

一位醫生家的一個水管子破裂，他給一個水管工打了電話。水管工到後，打開他的工具，幹了一會兒神秘的水管工的活，然後就遞給了醫生一張600美元的帳單。

醫生驚呼:“這太可笑了，我做醫生也沒掙這麽多錢啊!”水管工等他說完，輕聲說:“我當醫生的時候也沒掙這麽多錢。”

2 如果我先死了怎麽辦/If I Die Before You

A couple who have been married for 20 years is preparing for bed when the following conversation takes place. . .

She: "Honey, if I die before you, would you remarry?"

He: "That's a morbid question!”

She: "No, I really want to know.”

He (pauses to think): "Yes, I suppose after a decent amount of time I might Remarry.”

She: "Would she live in our house?"

He: "Well, the mortgage is almost paid off, would you really expect me to move?"

She: "Would she wear my mink coat?"

He: "You know I paid 3500 for that coat, would you really want me to sell it for a loss?"

She: "Well, would she drive my BMW?"

He: "No. Absolutely not. She doesn’t know how to drive a stick shift!”

一對已經結婚20年的夫婦正準備睡覺時有了下麵這段對話:

妻子:親愛的，如果我死在你前麵了，你會再婚嗎?

丈夫:這是個病態的問題。

妻子:不，可我真的想知道!

丈夫(停下想了想):是的，我想在你死了相當長一段時間後，我也許會再婚的。

妻子:那她會住我們的房子嗎?

丈夫:房貸幾乎還清了，你真的希望我搬家嗎?

妻子:那她會穿我的貂皮大衣嗎?

丈夫:你知道我花了3500美元買的那件大衣，你真的想讓我把它賤賣了嗎?

妻子:那她會開我的寶馬嗎?

丈夫:不，決不會，她不會開手動檔的車。

3 通用手勢/Universal sign

After driving up and down several lanes, I finally found a parking spot at the shopping mall. I noticed another man driving very slowly in the same direction, and, since he was close, I gave him the "Are you going to park there?" look. His responding gestures were very complicated. First he shook his head. Next he pointed at me, then at the parking space and then at himself, his watch and the mall. Finishing off, he frowned, raised his palms upward and shrugged.

Once I parked, I walked over to the driver to make sure he didn't want the space. "You must be single, "he replied." If you were married, you would have known that was the universal sign for 'Go ahead and take the spot. I'm waiting for my wife.'"

在好幾條街上開來開去後我最終在一購物中心旁發現一個停車位。我注意到另一男人極慢地開向同一方位。因為離他很近，我用眼神問他:“你要停在那兒嗎?”他用手勢回答得很複雜。開始他搖了搖頭，然後他指指我，又指指那車位，又指指他自己，指指他的表和商店。最後他衝我皺了皺眉，兩手向上，聳了聳肩。

我一停了車，就走到那個司機那兒確保他不需要那個車位。“你一定還是單身吧。”他說:“要是你結了婚，你就會明白我那通用的手勢是‘去占那個車位吧，我在等我老婆。’”

4 花的語言/Flower talk

A gentleman entered a busy florist shop that displayed a large sign that read "Say It with Flowers".

"Wrap up one rose," he told the florist.

"Only one?" the florist asked.

"Yes, just one, "the customer replied. "I'm a man of few words. "

一位先生走進一個繁忙的花店。花店的大廣告牌上寫著:“讓鮮花代替您的語言。”

“包支玫瑰。”他對賣花的人說。

“就一支?”賣花人問。

“對，就一支。”顧客說:“ 我是個少言寡語的人。”

5 烹飪節目/Cooking Show

Two neighbors were chatting over the back fence. "Did you know that my wife has started a cooking show on television?" one asked.

" Really?" replied the other fellow. “That's terrific! What's the show called?"

"That's Inedible. "

兩個鄰居在後院隔著柵欄聊天。“你知道我妻子在電視上開始主持烹飪節目了嗎?” 一個問。

“真的嗎?”另一個說，“那可太棒了，那個節目叫什麽名字?”

“那是不能吃的。”

6 那又怎樣?/So what

"With a single stroke of a brush," said the art teacher, taking his class around the National Gallery," Joshua Reynolds could change a smiling face to a frowning one. "

"That's nothing, "said one small boy. "So can my mother."

“隻需揮一下筆刷，”帶著他的班參觀國家美術館的美術老師說，“喬舒亞·雷諾茲就能把一張微笑的臉變成一張皺眉頭的臉。”

“那沒什麽，”一個小男孩說。“我媽媽也能做到。”

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