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周末一笑: 釣威士忌(轉載)

(2016-05-06 15:56:56) 下一個

1 釣威士忌/Fishing For Whiskey

“Poor Old fool,” thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he’d humor the old man and asked, “So how many have you caught today?”

The old man replied, “You’re the eighth.”

“可憐的老傻瓜”，衣冠楚楚的紳士看著一個老男人在一家酒吧外的水坑裏釣魚時想到。於是他邀請老人到裏麵喝酒。當他們抿著自己的威士忌時，紳士想他要跟老者幽默一下，問道：“那麽你今天釣到多少？”

老人回答說：“你是第八個。”

2 通情達理/Being Reasonable

Everyone has a right to make money. A sign posted at a local pub reads "Be safe: Don’t drink and drive. But please still drink."

每個人都有賺錢的權利。張貼在當地的一個酒吧的一個牌子上寫著“注意安全：不要酒後駕車，但還是請喝酒。”

3 鴨子在酒吧/Duck in a Bar

This duck walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No, we only sell beer here". The duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks the bartender, "Do you have any grapes"?

The bartender says, "No, I told you we only sell beer, and if you ask me again I’m going to nail your beak to the bar.” So the duck leaves.

The next day the duck walks back into the bar, and asks the bartender “Do you have any nails"? The bartender says "no".

The duck asks “Do you have any grapes"?

這鴨子走進酒吧，問酒保，“你有葡萄嗎”？

酒保說：“沒有，在這裏我們隻賣啤酒”。鴨子離開了。

第二天，鴨子走回到酒吧，問酒保，“你有葡萄嗎”？

酒保說：“沒有，我告訴過你，我們隻賣啤酒，如果你再問我，我要把你的鳥嘴釘在吧台上。”鴨子於是離開了。

第二天，鴨子走回到酒吧，問酒保“你有釘子嗎?”？酒保說“沒有”。

鴨子問：“你有葡萄嗎”？

4 飲酒捕手Drinking Catchers

A sign on Washington’s Route 8, featuring an illustration of a police car with lights flashing, reads "If you drink and drive, we’ll provide the chasers."

在華盛頓的8號幹線的一個招牌，放映著一個警車警燈閃爍的圖案，寫著“如果你酒後開車，我們會提供追逐者。”

5 撅起嘴巴/Pucker Up

One night my friend John and I were sitting at a bar where he used to work, when an attractive woman, a former co-worker, came in and sat next to him. She told him she had just had a fight with her husband, a police officer, and needed to get out of the house for a while.

They had been talking for a few minutes when, as a joke, I leaned over to John. "Don’t look now," I whispered, "but a guy about six-five just walked in. And he’s got a gun."

Without hesitating, John turned to me. "Quick, Ed," he said, "kiss me on the lips."

一天晚上，我的朋友約翰和我坐在他曾經工作過的一個酒吧，當一個有吸引力的女人，一個前同事，走了進來坐在他旁邊。她告訴他，她剛剛與她的丈夫，一名警察打了起來，她需要離開家待一會兒。

他們談論了幾分鍾的時候，作為一個笑話，我俯身約翰。“現在不要看，”我低聲說，“一個大約6英尺5英寸的男人剛走了進來。而且他有槍。”

毫不猶豫地，約翰轉向我。“快，埃德，”他說，“吻我的嘴唇。”

6 新牛仔褲的問題/The Problem with New Jeans

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my feelings.”

我在顧客服務台，退掉一條非常緊的牛仔褲。

“他們有什麽問題嗎？”店員問。

“是的，”我說。“他們傷害了我的感情。”

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