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周末一笑: 饑餓的狗 (轉載)

(2016-04-08 16:00:57) 下一個

1 饑餓的狗/Hungry Dogs

At a workshop on dog temperament, the instructor noted that a test for a canine’s disposition was for an owner to fall down and act hurt. A dog with poor temperament would try to bite the person, whereas a good dog would lick his owner’s face or show concern.

Once, while eating pizza in the living room, I decided to try out this theory on my two dogs. I stood up, clutched my heart, let out a scream and collapsed on the floor.

The dogs looked at me, glanced at each other and raced to the coffee table for my pizza.

在一個有關狗的性情的學習班上，教師指出，犬的性格的一個測試是狗的主人摔倒並表現出受傷。氣質差的狗會試圖咬人，而一個好的狗會舔主人的臉並表現出關心。

一次在客廳吃比薩餅時，我決定在我的兩條狗上試驗一下這個理論。我站了起來，抓住我的心髒，發出一聲尖叫並倒在地上。

狗望著我，互相看了一眼，競相奔向茶幾上的比薩餅。

2 狗的聲音/Dog Sounds

I always scoffed when my sister insisted that our three dogs are computer literate. Then one day when I was signing on to AOL, I noticed that when the “welcome” voice came on, the dogs immediately settled down. Later, when they heard the “good-bye” sign-off, all three dogs rushed to the door expecting to be walked.

當我的妹妹堅持認為我們的三隻狗懂計算機時，我總是嗤之以鼻。然後有一天，當我登錄到AOL時，我注意到，當“歡迎”的聲音傳來，狗立即安定下來。後來，當他們聽到“再見”退出登錄時，所有的三條狗衝到門口期待出門散步。

3 免下車服務/Drive Thru

The drive-up window at the bank where I’m a teller has an outside drawer to accept customer transactions. A woman once drove up with her dog in the front passenger seat, and the pet eagerly jumped over onto the driver’s lap when the car reached my window. He looked excited to see me.

“Your dog is so friendly!” I said to the owner.

“He thinks he’s at McDonald’s,” she replied.

在銀行的免下車服務窗口，我是一個出納員有一個對外的抽屜接受客戶的交易。一名女子一次開車過來，她的狗坐在前排乘客座位上，當汽車到達我的窗口時，寵物急切地躍到司機的腿上。他看起來看到我很興奮。

“你的狗很友好！”我對車主說。

“他以為他是在麥當勞，”她答道。

4 蛇的逃跑/Escape of the Snake

On a recent trip to the post office, I took a few minutes to read the notices posted on the public bulletin board in the lobby. One in particular caught my eye.

It read “Lost in post-office parking lot, small boa constrictor, family pet, will not attack. Reward.”

Below the notice someone had written, in what appeared to be very shaky handwriting: “Please, would you mind posting another notice when you find your boa? Thank you.”

最近一次去郵局時，我花了幾分鍾的時間閱讀在大堂的公共布告欄張貼的告示。其中一個特別吸引我的目光。

上麵寫著“丟失在郵局的停車場，小蟒蛇，家庭寵物，不會攻擊。獎勵。”

告示的下麵有人用看上去非常顫抖地手寫著：“拜托，當你發現你的大蟒蛇時能不能再發一個通知？謝謝。”

5 瘋子/Lunatic

I like hunting fossils, a hobby that isn’t exactly my wife’s favorite. On one excursion, I found the petrified bones of a squirrel-like mammal. When I brought them home and told my wife what they were, she squelched my excitement.

“I’ve heard of many a squirrel bringing a nut home,” she remarked, “but this is the first time I’ve heard of a nut bringing a squirrel home.”

我喜歡尋找化石，一個愛好卻恰恰不是我妻子的愛好。在一個短途旅行中，我發現了一個鬆鼠般哺乳動物的石化的骨頭。當我把它們帶回家，告訴我的妻子他們是什麽東西時，她打壓我的興奮。

“我聽說過多次一隻鬆鼠帶來了堅果回家，”她說，“但是這是我第一次聽說過一個瘋子把鬆鼠帶回家。”

6 聞貓/Smelling the Cat

At the end of a visit to Amsterdam, a friend borrowed an old suitcase from his hosts to carry home his souvenirs. At the airport, however, a customs officer subjected our friend’s luggage to a thorough search and even sent for a drug-sniffing dog. Sure enough, the dog entered the area, headed straight for the borrowed bag and went into a frenzy. The customs officer now intensified his search, but ultimately he found nothing.

After arriving home, the young man immediately phoned his hosts and told them how puzzled he’d been by the dog’s behavior.

“Perhaps,” the owner of the suitcase said, “it was because that’s the bag our cat usually sleeps in.”

在對阿姆斯特丹的參觀結束時，一個朋友向他的東道主借了一個舊皮箱把他的紀念品帶回家。然而在機場，一個海關官員對我們的朋友的行李進行了徹底搜查，甚至派出了一個緝毒犬。果然，狗進入後，直奔借來的袋子並表現發狂。海關官員也加緊他的搜索，但最終他什麽也沒找到。

到家後，小夥子馬上就打電話給他的東道主，並告訴他們他一直對狗的行為感到困惑。

“也許，”手提箱的主人說，“那是因為這是我們的貓通常睡覺的箱子”。

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