南山鬆

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周末一笑: 安全係統(轉載)

(2016-03-04 16:49:16) 下一個

1 你教不了一隻老狗飛翔/You Can’t Teach an Old Dog to Fly

A woman called our airline customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board.

“Sure,” I said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over.

The customer was flummoxed: ?“I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

一名婦女打電話給我們的航空公司客戶服務台詢問她是否能帶她的狗上飛機。

“當然，”我說，“你隻要提供自己的狗窩。”我進一步解釋說，狗窩要足夠大能讓狗站起來，坐下，轉身，和翻滾。

客戶狼狽不堪：“我在明天前教不會他所有這一切！”

2 被鸚鵡擊敗/Bested by a Parrot

Wandering inside a pet store, ?I stopped in front of a birdcage to ?admire a parakeet. We watched each other for a few minutes before it asked, “Can’t you talk?”

在寵物商店裏徘徊，我停在鳥籠前欣賞一個鸚鵡。我們看著對方幾分鍾後，鸚鵡問道：“你會說話嗎？”

3 企鵝低語者/The Penguin Whisperer

A man is driving down the highway when he sees a shipping truck wrecked on the side of the road, and 25 penguins waddling around outside it. He pulls over and the truck driver tells him, “Quick! You’ve gotta take these birds to the zoo while I wait for AAA!” The man agrees and drives off with the penguins.

After fixing his vehicle, the truck driver heads over to the zoo to make sure the penguins made it safely. There’s no sign of them. The truck driver panics and starts scouring the town for his missing penguins. An hour later he passes by the local cinema and sees the guy who said he’d help him is leaving the theater with 25 penguins.

“What happened!” the truck driver screams. “I told you to take them to the zoo!”

“I did,” the man answers. “But I had a little money left over, so I thought I’d take them to a movie too.”

一名男子駕車在高速公路上時他看到一個運輸卡車在路邊失事，25隻企鵝在車外蹣跚。他停下來，貨車司機告訴他，“快！我等AAA，你得把這些鳥送到動物園！” 那人同意並帶著企鵝開走了。

修好他的車後，卡車司機趕到動物園以確定企鵝們安全。他沒有看到企鵝的蹤影。卡車司機驚慌地在全鎮尋找他失蹤的企鵝。一個小時後，他經過當地的電影院，看到說要幫他的人和25隻企鵝正離開影院。

“怎麽回事！”卡車司機喊道。 “我告訴過你帶他們去動物園！”

“我去了，”那人回答。 “但我還有些餘錢，所以我想我也要帶他們看場電影。”

4 丟失的狗/Missing Dog

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. He takes out an ad in the newspaper, but two weeks later, there’s still no sign of the mutt. “What did you write in the ad?” his wife asks. “Here, boy,” he replies.

一個老農民在他的狗走丟後傷心欲絕。他在報紙上打了一個廣告，但兩個星期後，還是有沒有狗的跡象。 “你在廣告中寫的什麽？”他的妻子問。 “到這來，孩子，”他回答說。

5 安全係統/Security System

When a neighbor’s home was burglarized, I decided to be more safety conscious. But my measly front-door lock wasn’t going to stop anyone, so I hung this sign outside: “Nancy, don’t come in. The snake is loose. Mom.”

當鄰居的家被盜了，我決定要更有安全意識。但我可憐的前門鎖是擋不住任何人的，所以我在外麵掛了一個牌子：“南希，別進來。蛇跑了。媽媽。”

6 伴侶/Companion

Steve, a lonely bachelor, wants some company, so he buys a centipede and a small box for it to live in. That evening, he decides to go out.

"Want to grab a drink?" he asks the centipede. But there’s no answer from the box. A few minutes later, he asks again—still no reply. Finally, he hollers, "Hey! Do you want to get a drink?"

"I heard you the first time!" says a small, irritated voice. "I’m putting on my shoes!"

史蒂夫，一個孤獨的單身漢，希望有些陪伴，於是他買了蜈蚣和一個小盒子讓它居住。這天晚上，他打算出門。

“要喝一杯嗎？”他問蜈蚣。但是盒子裏沒有回答。幾分鍾後，他又問道，還是沒有答複。最後，他抱怨，“嘿！你想喝點什麽嗎？”

“你第一次說我就聽到了！”一個小的，惱怒的聲音說。 “我在穿我的鞋！”

Source: http://www.rd.com/jokes/animal/

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