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周末一笑: 時尚前沿(轉載)

(2016-02-19 17:10:29) 下一個

1 時尚前沿/Fashion Forward

A client recently brought her two cats to my husband’s veterinary clinic for their annual checkup. One was a small-framed, round tiger-striped tabby, while the other was a long, sleek black cat. She watched closely as I put each on the scale. “They weigh about the same,” I told her.

“That proves it!” she exclaimed. “Black does make you look slimmer. And stripes make you look fat.”

一個客戶最近帶來了兩隻貓到我丈夫的獸醫診所做貓的年度檢查。一個是小身架的老虎條紋的虎斑貓，而另一個瘦的光滑的黑色貓。當我把每一隻貓放到秤上時她仔細看著。“它們的重量差不多，”我告訴她。

“這證明了這一點！”她感歎道。 “黑色確實讓你看起來更苗條。而條紋會讓你看起來更胖。“

2 鸚鵡學舌/Talking Bird

My father’s secretary was visibly distraught one morning when she arrived at the office and explained that her children’s parrot had escaped from his cage and flown out an open window. Of all the dangers the tame bird would face outdoors alone, she seemed most concerned about what would happen if the bird started talking.

Confused, my father asked what the parrot could say.

“Well,” she explained, “he mostly says, ‘Here, kitty, kitty.’”

一個早晨我父親的秘書趕到辦公室時明顯悲痛欲絕，她解釋說，她孩子的鸚鵡逃出籠子從開著的窗戶飛走了。所有馴養的鳥獨自在戶外會遇到危險中，她似乎最關心的是如果鳥兒開始說話會發生什麽。

我父親困惑地問這隻鸚鵡會說些什麽。

“好吧，”她解釋道，“他多數時說，‘這裏，貓咪，貓咪。’”

3 友好的貓/Feline Friendly

A woman walked into my aunt’s animal shelter wanting to have her cat and six kittens spayed and neutered.

“Is the mother friendly?” my aunt asked.

“Very,” said the woman, casting an eye on all the pet carriers. “That’s how we got into this mess in the first place.”

一個女人走進我姑姑的動物收容所希望給她的大貓和六個小貓做絕育。

“貓媽媽友好嗎？”我姑姑問。

“非常友好，”那女人掃了一眼所有的寵物籠子說。“這就是為什麽我們陷入了這個爛攤子。”

4 饑餓的/Hungry Cat

One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter’s indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.

“We don’t do that anymore,” the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. “The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough.”

“How do you know that?” I asked.

“Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?” she said.

Two hours later the cat was back, looking for breakfast.

一天晚上，當我照看我女兒的室內貓時，它逃到外麵去了。第二天早上它未能回來，我發現這家夥在一個大約30英尺高的細樹上抱著一個樹枝。無法把它引誘下來，我打電話給消防隊。

“我們不這樣做了，”女調度員說。當我堅持著，她很有禮貌但堅定地說。 “貓特別餓時就會下來。”

“你怎麽知道的？”我問。

“你見過一隻貓的骨架在一棵樹上嗎？”她說。

兩個小時後貓回來了，來找早餐。

5 魔術貓/Magic Cat

I worked at a boarding kennel where people leave their dogs and cats while on vacation. One morning I had taken a cat out of his cage, and after playing with him and replenishing his food and water, I put him back in.

A few minutes later, I was surprised to see the feline at my feet, since the cage doors lock automatically when they’re shut. I couldn’t figure out how the cat escaped, until I bent down to pick him up and spied his nametag: “Houdini.”

我曾在一所寄宿犬舍工作，當人們度假時就把他們的貓和狗留在那裏。一天早上，我把一隻貓從籠子裏拿出來，和他玩了一會兒，又給他加了食物和水後，我把他放了回去。

幾分鍾後，我很驚訝地看到貓在我的腳下，籠子的門在關上時會自動鎖上。我無法弄清楚貓是怎麽逃脫的，直到我彎下腰來看到他的名簽：“霍迪尼”。

注: Houdini（美國魔術師哈利·胡迪尼）

Harry Houdini，（1874年3月24日， – 1926年10月31日），本名艾瑞其·懷茲（Ehrich Weiss）被稱為史上最偉大魔術師、脫逃術師及特技表演者。

6 常規飼養/Regular Feeding

When my daughter and I caught only one perch on our fishing trip—not enough for even a modest lunch—we decided to feed it to her two cats. She put our catch in their dish and watched as the two pampered pets sniffed at the fish but refused to eat it.

Thinking quickly, my daughter then picked up the dish, walked over to the electric can opener, ran it for a few seconds, then put the fish back down. The cats dug right in.

我和女兒在我們釣魚旅行中隻釣到一條鱸魚，甚至都不夠一頓適度的午餐，我們決定把它喂給她的兩隻貓。她把我們抓的魚放到他們的盤子裏，看著兩個養尊處優的寵物聞了聞魚，但拒絕吃它。

快速思考後，我女兒拿起盤子，走到電動開罐器那兒，讓開罐器轉幾秒鍾，然後把魚放回去了。貓就開始吃了。

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