南山鬆

陽光明媚清風起，微波蕩漾碧藍天。

首頁文章列表博文目錄

個人資料

南山鬆 (熱門博主)

給我悄悄話

博客訪問：

周末一笑: 惡魔在教會(轉載)

(2016-01-15 17:12:02) 下一個

1 惡魔在教會/DEVIL IN THE CHURCH

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.

Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.

Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"

"Nope, sure I am not," said the man.

Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

撒旦出現在一個小鎮的教堂集會上。每個人都開始尖叫著跑向教堂的前門，為了脫身瘋狂努力並相互踐踏。

很快除了一位老人還冷靜地坐在那裏，所有的人都已經走了。

撒旦走到他麵前，說：“難道你不知道我是誰嗎？”

該名男子回答說：“是的，當然知道。”

撒旦問：“難道你不打算跑？”

“不，當然不，”那人說。

撒旦問：“為什麽你不怕我？”

該名男子回答說：“已經和你的妹妹結婚48年多了。”

2 差異45/THE 45 DIFFERENCE

Q: What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?

A: 45 lbs.

Q: What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

A: 45 minutes.

問：女朋友和妻子之間的區別是什麽？

答：45磅。

問：男朋友和老公的區別是什麽？

答：45分鍾。

3 丈夫最好的朋友/THE HUSBAND'S BEST FRIEND

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

一個女人會見她的情人，他也是她的丈夫最好的朋友。

他們做愛了幾個小時。然後，當他們躺在床上時，電話響了。因為是在女人的家裏，她拿起了話筒。那個最好的朋友聽著，隻聽到她這邊的話：

“喂？哦，嗨，你好，我真高興你打來電話......真的嗎？那太好了......嗯，我很高興聽到你玩得這麽高興......哦，這聽起來太棒了......我也愛你。好，再見。”

她掛斷電話，她的情人問，“那是誰啊？”

“哦，”她回答說，“那是我的丈夫告訴我他與你一起釣魚之行的美好時光。”

4 和爸爸結婚/MARRY DADDY

Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm going to marry you.' We laughed about it. My wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'

昨晚吃飯時，我六歲的孩子轉過身來對我說，“爸爸，等我長大了，我要嫁給你。”我們笑了起來。我的妻子說，“不要犯跟我一樣的錯誤了。”

5 相關的死亡/RELATED DEATHS

Two guys show up in Heaven at the same time. The first guy says he froze to death, and the second guy tells him that he died of a heart attack.

"How did that happen?" asks the first guy.

"Well, I came home and thought I heard my wife with another man. But when I searched the house, I couldn't find anybody. I was so stricken with remorse for wrongly accusing my wife of infidelity, I had a heart attack and died on the spot."

"Geez," says the first guy. "If you'd opened the fridge, we'd both be alive right now."

兩個家夥在同一時間出現在天堂。第一個人說，他是凍死的，而第二人告訴他，他死於心髒病發作。

“那是怎麽回事？”第一個男人問。

“是這樣，我回到家，以為聽到了我的妻子與另一個男人在一起。但是，當我搜查房子的時候，我找不到任何人。我被錯誤地指責我妻子不忠的悔恨打擊，心髒病發作當場死亡。”

“哎呀，”第一個家夥說。 “如果你打開冰箱，我們倆現在都還活著。”

6 宗教差異/RELIGIOUS DIFFERENCE

There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I'm a Catholic, and she's the devil.

我們分手的原因有很多。有一個是宗教的不同：我是個天主教徒，她是魔鬼。

[ 打印 ]

[ 加入書簽 ]