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周末一笑: 上帝在看著(轉載）

(2015-12-04 17:35:20) 下一個

1 上帝在看著/God Is Watching

The students were lined up in the cafeteria for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

學生們在食堂排隊吃午餐。在桌子的一頭有一大堆蘋果，修女寫了一張紙條，貼在蘋果托盤上:“隻能拿一個。上帝在看著你。”

順著午餐隊伍往前走，在桌子的另一端有一大堆巧克力餅幹。一個孩子寫了一張紙條，“想要多少拿多少，上帝正看著蘋果呢。”

2 大膽的猜想/A Wild Guess

Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The professor asked if anyone knew what that meant.

One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked! I'm naked!"

我們的物理教授千方白計地引導學生討論阿基米德的排水原理。他告訴我們，阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他進入池子，發現水漲高了，溢出池沿。他對這一發現十分激動，跑到街上高喊:"Eureka, eureka!”教授問我們誰知道他喊的是什麽意思。

一個學生站起來答道:“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”

注: ureka int. （因找到某物，尤指問題的答案而高興）我發現了，我找到了;

3 理由/Reasons

One early morning a mother went to her sleeping son and woke him up.

Mom: Wake up, son. It's time to go to school.

Son: But why? I don't want to go to school.

Mom: Give me two reasons why you don't want to go to school.

Son: One, all the children hate me. Two, all the teachers hate me.

Mom: Oh! That's not a reason. Come on, you have to go to school.

Son: Give me two good reasons WHY I should go to school?

Mom: One, you are FIFTY-TWO years old and should understand your responsibilities. Two you are the PRINCIPAL of the school.

一天清晨，媽媽去叫還在睡覺的兒子起床。

媽媽:起來，兒子。去學校的時間到了。

兒子: 但是為什麽？我不想去學校。

媽媽: 給我兩個理由，你為什麽不想去學校。

兒子: 第一，所有的孩子都恨我。第二，所有的老師都恨我。

媽媽: 哦!這不是理由。來吧，你必須去學校。

兒子: 那給我兩個為什麽我要去學校的理由？

媽媽: 第一，你都52歲了，應該明白自己的責任。第二，你是學校的校長。

4 妻子的祈求/Wife's Begging

Two men were talking at the break-room. One was telling the other about a fight he had had with his wife. "In the end" he said, "I had her begging on her knees."

"What did she say?" asked the coworker.

"She told me to come out from under the bed."

兩位男士正在休息室淡論著。一位對另一位說起他與妻子的一場爭鬥。他說：“最後，我迫使她跪下來求我。”

“她怎麽求你的?”另一位很好奇。

“她求我快點從床下爬出來。”

5 女人的回答/A Woman's Answer

A husband said to his wife, "Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish'?"

"Well," his wife answered at once. "The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them."

一位丈夫對妻子說：“為什麽上帝把女人創造得如此美麗卻又愚蠢呢？”

“噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很簡單。上帝使我們如此美麗，男人才會愛我們。上帝使我們如此愚蠢，我們才會嫁給他們。”

6 三人同舟/Three Men in a Boat

Three men were sitting on a park bench. The one in the middle was reading a newspaper; the others were pretending to fish. They baited imaginary hooks, cast lines and reeled in their catch.

A passing policeman stopped to watch the spectacle and asked the man in the middle if he knew the other two.

"Oh yes," he said. "They are my friends.”

"In that case," warned the officer, "you'd better get them out of here!"

"Yes, sir." the man replied, and he began rowing furiously.

三位男子在公園的長椅土坐著。中間的一個在讀報紙，另外兩個在假裝釣魚。他們給想象的魚鉤上魚餌，放線，並卷線把魚抓上來。

一位過路警察駐足觀察了這個景象，他問中間的那個男子是否認識其他兩位。

“喔，認識，”他說，“他們是我的朋友”

“那樣的話，”警察告誡說，“你最好把他們從這裏弄走。”

“好的，警官。”那男子回答說，接著就開始瘋狂地做起劃槳的動作來。

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