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周末一笑: 新發現(轉載)

(2015-11-06 18:58:42) 下一個

1 新發現/New Discovery

A hillbilly was visiting the big city for the first time. Entering an office building, he saw a pudgy older woman step into a small room. The doors closed, lights flashed, and after a while the door slid open and a beautiful young model stepped off the elevator.

Blinking in amazement, the hillbilly drawled, “I should have brought my wife!”

一個鄉下人第一次到大城市遊逛。他走進一座大樓，看見一個歲數很大的矮胖女人邁進一個小房間。房間的門隨後關上，有幾個燈在閃亮。一會兒，門開了，電梯裏走出一位年輕漂亮的女模特。

鄉下人驚奇地眨著眼睛，慢吞吞地說:“我應該把我的老婆帶來!”

2 一個壞印象/A Bad Impression

Six people were travelling in a compartment on a train. Five of them were quiet and well behaved, but the sixth was a rude young man who was causing a lot of trouble to the other passengers.

At last this young man got out at a station with his two heavy bags. None of the other passengers helped him, but one of them waited until the rude young man was very far away and then opened the window and shouted to him, "You left something behind in the compartment.” Then he closed the window again.

The young man turned around and hurried back with his two bags. He was very tired when he arrived, but he shouted through the window, “What did I leave behind?”

As the train began to move again, the passenger who had called him back opened the window and said, "A very bad impression!”

有六個人措乘火車旅行，坐在同一車箱內。其中五個很安靜，也很規矩。但第六個是個粗魯的年輕人，給其他乘客招惹了許多麻煩。

最後，這位年輕人在一個車站帶著兩個沉重的皮箱下了車。沒有一個旅客幫他的忙。有個人一直等到這位粗獸的年輕人走得很遠了，才打開窗戶，對著他大聲喊:“你把東西留在車廂裏了!”然後，又把窗戶關了起來。

年輕人轉過身子，拎著兩個沉甸甸的皮箱，匆匆趕了回來。他轉回來時，顯得非常疲倦，對著窗戶大聲喊:“我把什麽東西留在車上了?”

當火車再次啟動時，叫他回來的旅客打開窗戶說:“一個極壞的印象!”

3 其餘的事由我負責/I’ll See To The Rest

A guard was about to signal his train to start when he saw an attractive girl standing on the platform by an open door, talking to another pretty girl inside the carriage.

"Come on, Miss,” he shouted. "Shut the door, please”

"Oh, I just want to kiss my sister goodbye.” she called back.

"You just shut that door, please, ”called the guard, "and I’II see to the rest.”

一位車上的列車員剛發出信號讓火車啟動，這時他看見一位很漂亮的姑娘站在站台上一節打開的車廂門旁邊，跟車廂裏另一位漂亮姑娘在說話。

“快點，小姐!”他喊道:“請把門關上。”

“噢，我還沒有和妹妹吻別呢。”她回答道。

“請把門關上好了，”列車員說，“其餘的事由我負責。”

4 第一次坐飛機/First Flight

Mr. Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.

His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.

After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, “Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?”

"Those are ants,”answered his friend. "We’re still on the ground.”

約翰遜先生之前未乘過飛機，他讀過許多關於空難的報道。所以，有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時，約翰遜先生非常擔心，不敢接受。不過，由於朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的，約翰遜先生終於被說服了，登上了飛機。

他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落，所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。

過了一兩分鍾，他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去，接著對朋友說道:“看下麵那些人，他們看起來就像螞蟻一樣小，是不是?”

“那些就是螞蟻，”他的朋友答道，“我們還在地麵上。”

5 兩周可活了/Two Weeks to Live

A man goes to the doctor for a check up. After the exam, the doctor tells him, "I have some bad news: You only have have about two weeks left to live."

The man is shocked and asks the doctor, "Is there anything I can do to make the time that I have left more tolerable?"

The doctor replies, "There is one thing that you could do."

"Just name it -- I'll do whatever it is," the man replies.

The doctor advises the man to take mud baths at least two or three times each day.

The man asks, "Will that help my condition?"

The doctor answers, "No, but it will get you used to the dirt."

一個人去醫生那兒做檢查。檢查結束後，醫生告訴他，“我有一些壞消息：你隻有大約兩個星期可活了。”

該名男子感到震驚，問醫生，“做什麽事情能使我在餘下的時間裏更能忍受嗎？”

醫生回答：“你可以做一件事。”

“告訴我 – 不管是什麽我都去做，”男子回答說。

醫生建議那人每天做至少兩次或三次的泥浴。

該男子問，“那會幫助我的情況？”