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1 做好事
On a street near my workplace, I noticed a meter maid happily writing tickets for a whole line of cars parked at expired meters. As she deposited $10 tickets on one windshield after another, I felt called to do a good deed. I deposited a quarter in the last meter in the row, thus saving a fellow driver the price of a ticket.
Feeling rather pleased with myself, I headed for my office. I couldn't resist turning back in hopes of seeing the meter maid's reaction when she saw that the red flag was no longer showing on that meter. When she reached the last car in the line, she reached into her purse, pulled out her keys, got into the car I had "rescued" and drove away.
一次，在我工作地點附近的一條街上，我看到一個檢查路旁計時器的小姐高興地給一排汽車逐輛地開著超時罰款單。當她一張接一張地往汽車雨刷下的玻璃上塞罰單時，我覺得這時該我做點好事了。於是，我往這一排最後一台自動計時器裏扔了25美分。這樣，這輛汽車的司機就可以省下罰款錢了。
我為自己的行為感到特別高興，開始往工作的地點走，一邊走一邊禁不住地想回頭看。看看當那位檢查小姐見不到這個計時器上的紅旗時會有什麽反應。終於，那位小姐來到了最後一輛車前。她伸手在她的提包裏翻，翻出了一串鑰匙，用其中的一把打開了車門，鑽進了我“搭救”的那輛車，開走了。
2 偵探狗
As I waited for my luggage at Atlanta's international airport, I noticed a government agent with a dog sniffing for illegal drugs among the crowd of arriving passengers. A woman next to me also saw the animal at work and noted that it was of mixed breed with long shaggy fur. “I thought those police dogs were supposed to be German shepherds," she said.
Overhearing her comment, the agent replied, “He is, but he's working undercover.”
在亞特蘭大國際機場等行李時，我注意到一名政府官員帶著一條狗。那條狗對所有到來的旅客的物品嗅來嗅去，以防止毒品入境。站在我旁邊的婦女也注意到了這條在工作的狗是一條長毛的雜種狗.她說:“我覺得警犬應該是德國牧羊犬。”
那名政府官員聽到了這句話，回答說:“它確實是牧羊犬，但是它在做秘密工作.”
3 有備於侃價
Every year, our family holds a rummage sale. I have to justify my pricing system to my husband by explaining that no matter how low you mark an item, someone will always want to buy it for less.
At our last sale, one customer proved my point. She approached me, carrying an item that she mistakenly believed was priced at one dollar. "Would you take 75 cents for this?" she asked.
"Sure," I replied, ”but it's only marked a quarter.”
"Oh," she responded. "Then would you take a dime?"
每年，我家都要有一次棄物甩賣。我總是要給我丈夫講授著我的價格觀—不管你把價錢標得多低，有些人總是想再少付一點兒。
我們最近的一個甩賣，一個顧客證實了我的觀點。這位顧客拿著一件東西朝我走來，她錯誤地以為這件東西的標價是一美元，說:“我出75分行嗎?”
“當然可以，”我答道:“實際上它的標價是25美分。”
她反應還挺快:“那我出10美分吧。”
3 龍蝦的“故事”
My friend, celebrating a special occasion, went to a restaurant and ordered what she thought would be a lobster tail. But to her dismay, the entire crustacean was on her plate.
"He's looking right at me!” she exclaimed to the waiter. "I just can't eat him.’
The waiter removed her plate, but returned it a few moments later. The lobster now had a blindfold neatly tied around its eyes.
為了慶祝一個特殊的日子，我的朋友來到了一家飯店要了一個她認為是龍蝦尾的菜。然而讓她不安的是，在她麵前盤子裏盛著一整隻大龍蝦。
“它在盯著我，”她向服務員解釋說:“我可害怕吃這家夥。”
服務員把龍蝦端了下去，過了一會兒又把它拿了回來，隻見那盤子裏的龍蝦的眼睛上戴上了一副眼罩。
4 趕時髦
At the bank where I was employed as a teller we were not allowed to eat while working. But one day, five months pregnant, I was ravenous. I opened a bag of potato chips and started to devour them. Just then I spotted one of our best customers and his wife heading my way. Quickly, I wiped my mouth and greeted them. As I processed their transaction , I noticed they were looking at me oddly.
On their way out, the man said, “I don't understand these young people.”
"Dear, that's a fashion statement, ”his wife explained. "It's a new type of brooch.”
I looked down to see what could have caused such controversy. To my horror, a large potato chip was resting neatly on my left shoulder.
在銀行我做出納員，這裏規定工作時不許吃東西。但有一天，我因懷孕五個月有點嘴饞，打開了一包土豆片，開始偷吃起來。這時，我看見一個熟悉的顧客和他的妻子朝我的窗口走來。我匆忙地擦了一下嘴，向他們打了個招呼。當我在給他們辦理業務時，我注意到他們一直用一種異樣的目光看著我。
在他們往外走的路上，那個男的說:“我真搞不懂這些年輕人。’，
“親愛的，那是新潮。”他的妻子說;“那是一種新型的胸針飾物。”
我低頭上下打量了一下我自己，想找到是什麽東西引起了他們這樣說我。使我大吃一驚的是，一大塊土豆片穩穩當當地落在我的左肩上。
5 太敏感
Several years had passed since I worked for the federal government, but old habits died hard. A cable-television technician had just finished hooking up our service at home and told me he needed the 2185. I hadn't heard about this form before arid asked him，" Where can I get that form'2185'"?
Looking at me peculiarly, he replied."Ma'am, it's money.$21.85. "
我從聯邦政府退下來已經好幾年了，但有些習慣卻很難改掉。一個有線電視的技術工人給我家連接完天線後，對我說他要2185。我以前從沒聽見這個代號，便問:“我到哪兒能領到這種表格?”
那位工人吃驚地望了我一會兒，說:“夫人，那是錢，21塊8毛5。”
6 隻能一輛!
After retirement, our friends Jim and Evelyn began traveling around the United States in a motor home, towing their compact sedan behind. While driving through a shopping mall parking lot in New York, they were pleased when a motorist stopped his vehicle and signaled them through.
Seconds later, they were jolted to a stop by a loud crash behind them. To their amazement, the polite motorist had demolished their car.
His explanation: "I didn't mind letting you nice folks by, but I didn't want that compact car to sneak through too."
我的朋友吉姆和依娃林退休後，開始用他們的家庭式旅行車進行環美旅行。他們在旅行車後麵還施著一輛小橋車備用。在經過紐約一家商店的停車場時，一個騎摩托的小夥子很禮貌地停下來示意讓他們先過。這令他們很高興。
幾秒鍾後，就聽後邊哢的一聲巨響，他們停了車一看，那個小夥於把他們的小橋車給撞了。
他的解釋是這樣的:“我不介意讓你們這對好人通過，但我不想讓那輛小轎車也跟著溜過去。”
哈哈, 雪花好! 肩負特殊任務的小狗, 享受特殊待遇的龍蝦~
雪花, 周日快樂!
fengdaming好! 哈哈, 帶著眼罩的龍蝦, 可愛又好笑~~~
fengdaming, 周末快樂!
問好點點! 是啊, 這位做好事的, 卻是白做了:) 估計警犬找牧羊犬除了他們的靈活等能力, 也是看上了它們的威懾力量了吧~
點點, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 尼斯非常了解喚喚的哥哥們:)
尼斯, 周末快樂!
哈哈, 八成是喚喚的二哥吧~~~
小小, 周末快樂!
鬆鬆周末愉快：））
嗯, 橄欖樹好! 那個侍者還是挺有辦法的~
橄欖樹, 周末快樂!
問好美眉! 看來還是前麵幾個笑話更受歡迎:)
美眉, 周末快樂!
菲兒好! 哈哈, 是啊, 化了妝的偵探狗~~~
菲兒, 周末快樂!
erdong好! 周末快樂!
問好水沫, 我也喜歡那三個:)
水沫, 周末快樂!