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1 會彈鋼琴的狗
A guy walks into a bar with a small dog. The bartender says, "Get out of here with that dog!"
The guy says, "But this isn't just any dog... this dog can play the piano!"
The bartender replies, "Well, if he can play that piano, you both can stay... and have a drink on the house!"
So the guy sits the dog on the piano stool, and the dog starts playing.
Ragtime, Mozart... and the bartender and patrons are enjoying the music.
Suddenly a bigger dog runs in, grabs the small dog by the scruff of the neck, and drags him out.
The bartender asks the guy, "What was that all about?"
The guy replies, "Oh, that was his mother. She wanted him to be a doctor."
一個人帶著他的狗走進一家酒吧。
酒吧服務生對他說，“這裏不能帶狗進來，請離開吧!”
那個人對服務生說，“這可不是一般的狗，它可是會彈鋼琴的!”
服務生回答說，“呃，如果它真的能彈鋼琴，你們可以免費在這喝上一杯!”
那個人把狗放到了彈鋼琴坐的凳子上麵，狗就開始了演奏，先是拉格泰姆音樂、接著彈莫紮特還有其它的……服務生和顧客們都非常欣賞它的彈奏。
突然，一隻體型更大的狗跑了進來，一把抓住小狗的脖子就把它拽出去了。
酒吧服務生問那個人，“那是怎麽回事？”
那人回答，“噢，那是它媽媽。她不想它兒子玩音樂，而是做一名醫生。”
2 名聲與艱苦勞動
During the Gulf War, my sister, Jane, bought a flag and asked her apartment's maintenance man, a Vietnam vet, to install a pole for him. When she offered to pay him, he told her there was no way he could take money for putting up the American flag.
Jane contacted her local newspaper, and they published an article about the incident. The next time she encountered the maintenance man, he told her that everyone he knew had read her story and that she had made him a celebrity. Jane jokingly asked for his autograph.
"I don't have time," the man replied. "I'm too busy setting up American flags.”
海灣戰爭期間，我妹妹珍妮買了一麵美國國旗，她請房子的維修工—一位越戰的老兵給她豎一根旗杆。當我妹妹為此事給他錢時，他說，他幫助掛美國國旗，無論如何都不該收錢。
珍妮來到當地報杜，就此事在報上發表了一篇文章。當珍妮第二次碰到那位維修工時，他對珍妮說他所認識的人都看了她寫的文章，是她使他成為了名人。珍妮開玩笑地說讓他給簽個名。
他回答說:“那我可沒時間，掛美國國旗的事忙得我不可開交。”
3 善解人意
I had just learned to drive and, like most teenagers, begged at every opportunity to take over the wheel. During a family vacation my father finally allowed me drive on a long, straight stretch on highway. I was in my glory until there was a sudden turn in the road. Caught unaware, I swung too wide and ran into a service station's advertising sign. I stopped the car and waited for a lecture.
My father, always considerate of his children's feelings, turned back to the rest of family and said. "As long as we're here, does anyone need to use the rest room?"
像大多數的青少年一樣，我剛學會開車時，總想利用一切開車的機會。有一次家庭外出度假時，我經過請求，爸爸終於允許我在筆直的高速公路止駕駛。我感到十分榮幸，直到開到了一個急轉彎，由於轉盤轉動得太大，車直奔著加油站的廣告牌衝去。我停下了車，等著挨訓。
我的父親總是考慮到孩子們的情緒，轉過身對家裏的其他人說:“既然我們已經把車開到了這兒，有人想上廁所嗎?”
4 一個言出必行的人
A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University. “You can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the Dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, I’ll leave Oxford this very evening！”
A buzzing noise followed. “What a man of actions！” one said in admiration. “How should we support him and learn from him！” said another.
Suddenly, a girl asked, “What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”
He bent and whispered to her, “Well, er??? er??? Miss Rose, er??? he told me to get clean away from Oxford this very evening！”
一群學生聚在牛津的校園裏，一個年輕人情緒激動地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那個家夥不收回他今早對我說的話，我今晚就離開牛津。”
下麵一片喧嘩。“真是個言出必行的人。”一個人豔羨地說。另一個說：“我們要支持他、學習他。”
突然，一個女孩問道：“那家夥對你說什麽了，霍波？”
他彎下腰小聲說：“哦，呃…呃…，羅斯小姐，呃…他說要我今晚從牛津滾出去。”
5 輕而易舉
Stepping from my kitchen into the garage, I accidentally locked myself out of the house. When I tried to persuade my 18-month-old son, Taylor, to open the door, none of my tactics worked. Finally, I walked around the house to check for an open window. To my amazement, I found the front door open and Taylor standing there with a salesman.
"I've been locked out for 20 minutes," I said. "How did you get him to open the door?"
Looking puzzled, the man replied, “I rang the doorbell."
出了廚房我便走進了車庫，不留神把門鎖給撞上了，把我自己鎖在了門外。我那18個月的兒子泰勒在屋裏。於走，我在外邊千方百計地想讓他幫我開門，結果均告失敗。最後，我圍著房子想找個開著的窗子。令我吃驚的是，前門開著，我的兒子站在門口正與一個推銷員在談話。
我對那推銷員說:“我被鎖在了外邊20多分鍾，你是怎樣讓他給你開門的?”
麵帶驚奇的推銷員回答說:“我隻按了一下門鈴。”
6 隻剩一個引擎
A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker:"Attention, passengers. We have lost one of our engines, but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately, we will arrive an hour late as a result. "
Shortly thereafter, the passengers heard the captain's voice again: "Guess what, folks. We just lost our third engine, but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. "
At this point, one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake," he shouted, "If we lose another engine, we'll be up here all night!"
一架747客機正跨越大西洋時，喇叭裏傳來了機長的聲音:“旅客們請注意，我們四個引擎之中有一個失靈了。但剩下的三個引擎會把我們帶到倫敦的。不幸的是因此我們要晚到一小時。”
過了一會兒，旅客們又聽到了機長的聲音:“各位，你們猜怎麽啦?”我們剛又壞掉了第三個引擎。但請你們相信好了，有一個引擎我們也能飛，但要晚三個小時了。”
正在這時，一位乘客非常氣憤地說:“看在上帝的份止，如果我們再掉一個引擎，我們會整夜都呆在天上了。”
閑閑客好! 你選的每一個我都喜歡:)
閑閑客, 周中快樂!
水沫好! 你可真會總結, 的確, 每個都出人意料:)
水沫, 周末快樂!
雪花好! 也是欣賞那個善解人意的老爸:)
雪花, 周末快樂!
fengdaming好! 謝謝你評選, #1很有寓意:)
fengdaming, 周末快樂!
美眉好! 那個小狗的故事太有趣了:)
美眉, 周末快樂!
橄欖樹早晨好! 很高興你喜歡:)
橄欖樹, 周末快樂!
問好花甲老翁, 周末快樂!
點點好! 是啊, 大家都去請他免費掛國旗了:)
點點, 周末快樂!
問好草之書, 周末快樂!
東東好! 是啊, 這位父親給我們樹立了榜樣:)
東東, 周末快樂!
和小婷握手. 父母應該尊重孩子們的願望:)
問好小婷, 周末快樂!
小小好! 如果你的女兒也喜歡學醫, 那也很不錯啊:)
小小, 周末快樂!
周末愉快，鬆鬆！
嗯，每一個都挺有趣，看笑話的同時學習一下英文，一舉兩得，謝謝鬆鬆分享，
鬆鬆周末快樂:))
梔子花好! 是啊, 父母都是為孩子好, 可有時就忽略了孩子們的喜好.
梔子花, 周末快樂!
讀後很有感觸，特別是狗會彈鋼琴那個，很有教育意義。父母就是對孩子期望太多。有的還是不切實際的期望。
問好！鬆兒
周末快樂！