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周末一笑: 看法不同(轉載)

(2015-07-10 14:51:14) 下一個

1 看法不同

After my husband, John, and I moved to Michigan from Nebraska, our new friends, proud of their beautiful tree lined roads, teased us about the Mid-west's dull, flat, treeless land. When my parents, Nebraska farmers, visited us, I asked them about their trip.
"What a boring drive, "my father replied. "Once you get to Michigan, there's nothing to see but trees."

我和丈夫約翰從內布拉斯加搬到密西根後, 我們新認識的朋友們總為他們美麗的林蔭大道引以為榮.他們嘲諷我們的中西部平原荒涼、貧瘠, 連株枯樹都沒有。後來我父母從內布拉斯加的老家來看我們, 我問他們對旅途的感受。

我父親抱怨著:“枯燥, 乏味, 一進入密西根, 除了樹什麽都沒有。”

2 不必再看眼科醫生了

It had been many years since my last eye exam,and my wife was pestering me to make an appointment. The more she nagged, the more I procrastinated. Finally, she made an appointment for me.
The day before I was to see the doctor, I was in an affectionate mood. After kissing and hugging her, I told her she really looked good to me.
"That does it,” she said. “I'm canceling your appointment."

我己經很多年沒做眼睛檢查了。我妻子總是催我去掛個號。她越是督我, 我越是耽擱不去。最後, 她替我掛了個號。

在我去見醫生的前一天, 我的情緒特別好。我對妻於又是親又是抱, 還說她是我眼裏最漂亮的女人。

她說:“這回眼睛沒問題了, 那我現在就去把號退了。”

3 存有二心

The local weatherman was wrong in his forecasts so often that he was embarrassed and applied for a transfer, stating as his reason: "The climate here doesn't agree with me."

當地的一名天氣預報員多次在預報工作中出現錯誤。他為此感到很難為情。於是, 他決定換個工作。在陳述其原因時。他說:“這兒的氣侯跟我不一條心.”

4 穿錯了

I wanted to look especially nice when I walked my son to his first day of kindergarten, so I took the liberty of borrowing an outfit from my younger, more fashionable sister, who was staying with us at the time. We had agreed not to borrow from one another without asking, but she was asleep, so I slipped some shorts and a shirt out of her drawer silently, planning to put them back before she woke up.

To my surprise, she was awake when I got back, but she didn't mention the clothes. We chatted about Jason's introduction to kindergarten. Finally, she smiled and asked coolly, "And how did Jason's teacher like my pajamas?"

在陪兒子上幼兒園的第一天, 我想打扮一下自己。我打算從妹妹那兒借身外衣, 她年徑而且時髦。那時妹妹和我們住在一起。我們有約在先, 不經過對方的同意不能拿別人的東西。但那時她仍在睡覺。於是, 我從她的衣拒裏輕輕拿走幾條短褲和一件村衣, 本想趁她沒醒來時再放回去。

讓我吃驚的是, 當我送兒子去幼兒園回來後, 妹妹已經醒了。但她沒提找衣服的事兒。我們聊了聊兒子吉森在幼兒園做自我介紹的情況。最後, 妹妹笑著並不動聲色地問:“吉森的老師覺得我的睡衣怎樣?”

5 借口

A fellow bought a new Mercedes and was out on an interstate road for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80mph he suddenly saw a flashing red and blue light behind him. "There is no way they can catch a Mercedes,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100, 110 and finally 120 with the lights still behind him.

"What in hell am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "I’ve had a tough shift and this is my last pull over. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before you can go.”

“Last week my wife ran off with a cop,” The man said "and I was afraid you were trying to give her back!”

"Have a nice night,” said the officer.

一個人剛剛買了一輛奔馳車, 準備到州與州之間的公路上來一個夜晚兜風。他來到了最高處, 微風輕輕拂過了他的發梢, 這個人想讓自己的愛車大顯身手一番。指針指到了80英裏/小時, 突然, 他看到了身後有一個閃爍的紅藍燈, “他們根本就別想追上我的奔馳。”他心想, 於是加足了馬力。指針指到90,100,110,最後到了120, 可那個燈還在後麵閃著。

“我到底在幹什麽呀!”他突然想到了什麽, 馬上把車停在了路旁。警察走了過來, 二話沒說就拿走了他的駕照, 然後看了看駕照和車說:“我上晚班已很累了, 這是我最後一次叫停車。你要是能給我一個我從來沒聽過的借口, 說明你為什麽開這快車, 我就不再做什麽記錄了, 你就可以離開。”

“上星期我的妻子和一個警察跑了, ”男的說, “我還以為你追我, 是想把我妻子還給我呢!”

警察說:“過一個愉快的夜晚。”

6 弄巧成拙

One evening my husband's golfing buddy drove his secretary home after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

Later that night my husband's friend and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out of her window he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "Have you seen my other shoe?"

一天晚上, 我丈夫一位打高爾夫球的朋友開車送他的秘書回家。那個秘書是因為在公司的招待會上喝多了點兒, 不能自己駕車回家。這事雖然無可厚非, 但是他還是決定不把這事告訴他那愛吃醋的妻子。

也就在同天晚上, 這位朋友送走秘書後, 又帶著妻子驅車去飯店吃晚飯。無意中他看見一隻高跟鞋半掩在側座椅子下。他不想引起懷疑, 趁妻子扭頭看窗外的時侯, 掏出了那隻鞋, 把它扔出了車外。他大大地鬆了一口氣, 把汽車停在了飯店外的停車場。這時, 他發現他妻子正低頭找著什麽東西。妻子問:“親愛的, 你看見我的那隻鞋了嗎? ”

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