南山鬆

陽光明媚清風起，微波蕩漾碧藍天。

首頁文章列表博文目錄

個人資料

南山鬆 (熱門博主)

給我悄悄話

博客訪問：

周末一笑: 改變航向(轉載)

(2015-07-31 16:53:01) 下一個

1 改變航向

A ship’s captain is out to sea and observes what appear to be lights from another ship. He orders his first mate to signal a message to the oncoming ship that says, “Change you course 10 degrees south.” Within seconds they receive a reply that reads, “Change your course 10 degrees north.” The captain is annoys that his order has been disregarded, and he barks, “I am a captain. Change you course 10 degrees south.” Another message comes in: “I am a seaman first class, and I say change your course10 degrees north.” Infuriated by the obvious lack of respect for his superior rank, the captain signals back, “Darn it, man. I say change your course 10 degrees south. I’m on a battleship.” The seaman responds, “I say change your course 10 degrees north. I’m in a lighthouse.”

一條船上的船長出海並發現似乎是來自另一條船上的燈光。他命令他的大副發信號給迎麵而來的船隻，信號寫著：“改變你的航向向南10度。”幾秒鍾內，他們收到回答，“改變你的航向向北10度。”船長被忽視他的命令惹惱了，他咆哮，“我是船長。改變你的航向向南10度。”另一條消息發過來：“我是一名甲級水手，我說改變你的航向向北10度。” 被明顯的不尊重他的高級軍銜激怒，船長回信號，“該死的家夥。我說改變你的航向向南10度。我在一艘戰艦上。”水手回答：“我說你改變你的航向向北10度。我在一個燈塔裏。”

2 十分嚴肅!

The day before my graduation from a high school in St. Louis, the principal called an assembly. He wanted to say farewell informally, he explained, as he reviewed our years together. There was hardly a dry eye among us as he concluded, "We will remember you, and hope you will remember us; more importantly, we want all of you to meet in this very auditorium 25 years from today.”

There was a moment of silence, then a thin voice piped up, "What time?"

我從聖·路易斯畢業的前一天，校長召集我們開了個會。他想非正式地告別一下。當他回顧起這些年大家在一起所度過的時光時，我們每個人都很激動，眼睛都濕潤了。他又情緒激昂地說:“我們是不會忘記你們的，希望你們也不要忘記我們。我們要你們25年後的今天再來這裏相聚。”

一片寂靜，接著就聽見有人小聲說:“什麽時間? ”

3 您的大衣著火了

The master, to impress on his pupils the need of thinking before speaking, told them to count fifty before saying anything important, and one hundred if it was very important.

The next day he was speaking, standing with his back to the fire, when he noticed several lips moving rapidly. Suddenly the whole class shouted: “Ninety-eight, ninety –nine, a hundred. Your coat is on fire, sir!”

老師為了讓學生養成先思考後發言的習慣，就告訴他們在說出重要事情之前先數到50，如果是特別重要的事情，要先數到100。

第二天，當老師背靠著火爐講課時，發現好幾個學生的嘴唇在很快不停地動。突然，全班學生一起喊道:“九十八，九十九，一百。老師，您的大衣著火了!”

4 餘音

About to be shipped out on a long tour of duty over-seas, I had called my wife from a coin-operated telephone at an Army camp on the West Coast. As I walked away, the phone rang, and I answered it, expecting to be told of extra charges. "I thought you'd like to know," the operator said, "that just after you hung up, the woman said, ‘I love you. ‘"

即將因工作遠征出海，我就在西海岸軍營地用一個投幣電話給我的妻子撥了個電話。我剛要離開，電話鈴響了。我估計是讓我交超時費，所以隻好去接。接話員說:“我想你可能想知道，你剛掛斷電話，那個女的就說‘我愛你’”。

5 好消息和壞消息

A man gets a telephone call from a doctor. The doctor says: "About this medical test I did on you, I have some good news and some bad news.”

The man asks for the good news first:

"The good news is that you have 24 hours to live,” says the doctor.

The man, incredulously: "If that is the good news, then what is the bad news??"

"I couldn’t reach you on the phone yesterday.”

一個男人接到一了一位醫生打來的電話。醫生說:“是關於我給你做過的體檢的事，有個好消息還有個壞消息。”

那個男人先要聽好消息:

“好消息就是你還能活24小時。”醫生說。

那個男人覺得有些不可思議說:“如果那叫做好消息的話，那壞消息是什麽呢?”

“我昨天打電話找不到你。”