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周末一笑: 你好，水手(轉載)

(2015-07-24 17:10:01) 下一個

1 你好，水手

The grizzled old sea captain was quizzing a young, tyro naval student.

"What steps would you take if a sudden storm came up on the starboard?"

"I'd throw out an anchor, sir.”

"What would you do if another storm sprang up aft?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, sir.”

"But what if a third storm sprang up forward?"

"I'd throw out another anchor, captain.”

"Just a minute, son, where in the world are you getting all these anchors?"

"From the same place you’re getting all your storms, sir.”

一個頭發灰白的老船長在測驗一個從海軍學校畢業的新手。

“如果船的右弦突然刮起了暴風雨，你會采取什麽措施?”

“我會拋錨，先生。”

“如果船尾也刮起了暴風雨，你會怎麽做?”

“我會再拋一個錨，先生。”

“那麽如果船頭第三次刮起了暴風雨，怎麽辦?”

“我會再次拋錨，船長。”

“等一下，孩子。你到底從哪弄來那麽多錨的?”

“從您弄來暴風雨的地方，先生。”

2 禮物該給誰？

A father of five children came home with a toy , summoned his children and asked which one of them should be given the present， "Who is the most obedient, never talks back to Mother and does everything he or she is told?"
He inquired.

There was silence, and then a chorus of voices: "You play with it, Daddy!”

一位有五個孩子的父親帶著一件玩具回到家裏，把孩子們召集起來問這件禮物該給誰。“誰能最聽話，從不和媽媽頂嘴，讓幹什麽就幹什麽?”他問道。

大家都不吭聲。過了一會兒，孩子們異口同聲地說:“爸爸，您玩吧。”

3 忠告

My father's health was greatly impaired after a serious operation, but his sense of humor was intact.

"Teddy, "the doctor told him, "You know you won't be able to work the way you've been used to."

" Well, doctor, "said my father, "if I won't be able to work the way I've been used to, you won't be able to charge me the way you've been used to !"

手術後，我父親的健康狀況有所下降，但他的幽默感卻依然如故。

“泰德，”醫生對父親說:“你知道，你可不能像以前那樣工作了。”

“大夫，”我父親說:“如果我不能像以前那樣工作，你也不能像以前那樣向我索價了。”

4 分享

As the mother of three small children born two years apart, I'm often very tired in the evening. Their father and I have set strict rules that after stories, prayers, one drink and the bathroom scene, they must go to bed and stay there.

One night, after a particularly trying day, all three were finally tucked in and I headed to the kitchen for some cookies, milk and solitude. I had just started to relax when I was surrounded by three little people, standing there watching me eat. Turning to their father I asked, "Do we relent or stick with the rules?"

Our three-year-old piped up, ”Stick with the rules, Mom. "

Knowing she didn't really want to be sent back to bed, I asked, "And what are the rules, Melisa?"

"Share with one another, "she replied.

作為一個每隔兩年生一個小孩，現已是三個小孩的母親，我到晚止時常感列精疲力盡。他們的父親和我給孩子們訂下嚴格的規定:講完故事、祈禱、喝水、上廁所之後，他們必須馬上上床睡覺。不許再幹別的事。

一天晚上，經過了一番努力，三個孩子終於鑽進了被窩。我來到了廚房想吃點餅幹，喝點牛奶，獨自呆一會兒。我剛想放鬆一下，就被三個孩子團團圍住。他們站在那兒盯著我吃東西.我轉向他們的父親問:“我們還要不要遵守規定了?”

我們三歲的小孩說:“媽媽，還是堅持按規定做吧！”

我知道她不想去睡覺，就問:“瑪麗莎，那麽規定是怎麽說的呢?”

“有福同享。”她回答說。

5 去天堂

Sunday school teacher: Hands up all those who want to go to Heaven? Hands up…what about you, Terry? You haven't got your hand up, don’t you want to go to Heaven?

Terry: I can’t. My Mum told me to go straight home.

星期日學校的教員:想去天堂的人舉起手來，把手舉起來……你呢，哈裏?你還沒舉手呢，你不想去天堂嗎?

哈裏:我去不了，因為媽媽讓我一放學就回家。

6 幸運?

Walking to work one day, my husband was hit by a car. It was a minor accident and the driver apologized, adding; "You certainly are lucky. We're right next to a doctor's office."

"I don't know how lucky that is, "my husband replied.”I' m the doctor. "

有一天我丈夫走路去上班，被汽車給撞了。我丈夫傷勢不太重。司機向他道了歉，隨後又說:“你太幸運了，我們就在醫務室附近。”

我丈夫回答說:“我並不感到有多幸運，我就是那兒的醫生。”

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