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1 單簧管
When I played with a symphony orchestra, our union reached an agreement with a major airline about which instruments we could carry on board,and which had to be shipped as luggage. A cellist was dismayed to find that his delicate, expensive wood instrument was consigned to the rougher handling and cold temperatures of the baggage hold.
He neatly solved the problem. Cello in hand, he approached the flight attendant at the gate and asked, "May I bring my clarinet on board?” scanning her list, she replied, "Clarinet is okay. Have a good trip,” and, smiling, waved him on.
我在一個交響樂團演奏時，我們樂團與一家大航空公司達成協議，哪些樂器可以帶上飛機，哪些要作為行李運送。一個大提琴手驚慌地發現他那精致、昂貴的木質樂器竟要托運，經受行李艙的低溫以及野蠻的裝卸。
他幹淨利索地解決了這個問題。他手裏拿著大提琴，走到門口的空中小姐麵前，問道:“我可以將我的單簧管帶上飛機嗎?”她檢視了一下單子，答道:“單簧管可以。祝你旅途愉快。”然後微笑著揮手讓他進去了。
2 提醒信
In the veterinary office where I’m a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that’s why we’re here,” she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
"We did,” she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card.”
我是一家獸醫站的技師。當動物到了該注射疫苗的時候，我們就寄出提醒信。一條德國牧羊犬布魯諾來做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。依照州立法律的要求，我們問他的主人，在過去的十天裏布魯諾是否咬了什麽人。“噢，是的，實際上這也是我們到這裏來的原因。”她回答說。我覺得奇怪，告訴她我們以為他們是因為收到了提醒信才來的。
“的確如此，”她解釋說。“布魯諾咬了你們送提醒信的郵遞員。”
3 兩元錢
Jim walked into a store, which had a sign outside: "Secondhand clothes bought and sold.” He was carrying an old pair of pants and asked the owner of the store, "How much will you give me for these?" The man looked at them and then said rude1y，"Two dollars.”
"What!” said Jim, "I had guessed they were worth at least five?”
"No,” said the man, "they aren't worth a penny more than two dollars.”
"Are you sure?" asked Jim.
"Very sure,” said the man.
"Well,” said Jim, taking two dollars out of his pocket, "here’s your money. These pants were hanging outside your store with a price tag that said$ 6.50, but I thought that was too much money, so I wanted to make sure how much they were really worth.” Then he walked out of the store with the pair of pants and disappeared before the surprised storeowner could think of anything to say.
吉姆走進一家掛著“舊衣服買賣”招牌的店鋪。他手上拿著一條舊褲子，問店主:“這條褲子你給多少錢?”店主看了他一眼，粗魯地說:“兩塊錢!”
吉姆說:“什麽?我認為至少值五塊錢呢!”
店主又說:“不!就是兩塊錢，絕不會多一分錢。”
吉姆說:“你那麽肯定?”
店主說:“當然了!”
吉姆一麵從口袋拿出兩塊錢，一麵說:“好! 給你錢，這條褲子本來是掛在貴店外麵的，標價是六塊五。但我認為太貴了，所以我想確定一下，它究竟值多少錢。”說完，趁著這位驚訝不已的主人能想出任何回答之前，他就帶著那條褲子走出店門而不見人影了。
4 很高興認識你
During World War Two, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers.
One evening she met Captain Humphrey at a dance. He said to her, "I' m going abroad tomorrow, but I'd be very happy if we could write to each other.” Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months.
Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England.
Joan went there and said to the matron, "I've come to visit Captain Humphrey.”
Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said.
“Oh, that’s all right,” answered Joan." I'm his sister.”
"I’m very pleased to meet you,” the matron said, "I' m his mother!”
第二次世界大戰期間，英國的許多青年婦女在軍中服役。瓊·菲利普斯就是其中的一個。她在一個大軍營裏工作，自然結識了許多男人，既有軍官，又有士兵。
一天晚上，她在舞會上認識了漢弗萊茲上尉。他對她說: “明天我將出國，如果我們能相互通信，我將非常高興。”瓊同意了。他們書信來往，數月不斷。
後來他的來信中斷了，但她收到另一位軍官的來信，信中告訴她漢弗萊茲受了傷，現住在英國某陸軍醫院裏。
瓊找到那家醫院，對護士長說:“我來探望漢弗萊茲上尉。”
“這裏隻允許親屬探望病人。”護士長說。
“哦，那好吧，”瓊回答說:“我是他妹妹。”
“很高興認識你，”護士長說:“我是他的母親。”
5 一切正常
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, “mom, the toast is burned.”
"You talked. You talked,” Shouted his mother. “I’m so happy! But why has it taken this long”
"Well, up till now,”said the boy, "things have been okay.”
一對年輕夫婦有個兒子，已經四歲了，還沒有開口說話，他們對此深感焦慮。他們帶他去找專家診治，但醫生們總覺得他沒有毛病。後來有一天早上吃早餐時，那孩子突然開口了:“媽媽，麵包烤焦了。”
“你說話了!你說話了!”他母親叫了起來。“我太高興了!但為什麽花了這麽長的時間呢?”
“哦，在這之前，”那男孩說，“一切都很正常。”
6 理論與實踐的區別
A guy was walking along the street one night, when he came upon a man a theoretical physiciston his hands and knees under a streetlight, searching the street. The fellow asked him what he was looking for, and the theoretician replied, "I' m looking for my car keys.” Being a helpful sort, the fellow started searching, too. After a time he asked, "Are you sure you lost them here?"
"Of course not,” replied the theoretician. "But at least there's light here.”
一天晚上，一個小夥子在街上漫步時遇到了一個理論物理學家。隻見他正爬在路燈下，像是在尋找什麽東西。小夥子問他在找什麽。那個理論家回答:“我在找我的車鑰匙。”出於好心，小夥子也開始幫著他找鑰匙。過了一會兒，小夥子問:“你確定鑰匙丟在這裏了嗎?”
“當然不是了，”理論家答道，“但是至少這兒有光亮。”
能博家MM一笑,非常高興:)
嗯,阿凡提的聰明,有緣人的相聚:)
問好石美眉!
謝謝fengdaming點評,我是綠的:)
fengdaming,周末快樂!
哈哈,小婷好!那本書一定會很厚滴~
小婷,周末快樂!
原來他們還這麽有脾氣~
才哥,周末快樂!
雪花好!周末快樂!
哈哈,還有哪個是粉粉幹的,你們找全了嗎~~~
特高興,喚喚,周末快樂!
點點好!是啊,真是象牙塔裏的物理學家.我也覺得大提琴和單簧管差的很遠啊~你兒子將來厲害,不是說"貴人語遲"嘛:)
點點,周末快樂!
尼斯好!有句俗語說:"貴人語遲."你兒子是貴人啊:)
尼斯,周末快樂!
小小好!覺得你看問題透徹:)
小小,周末快樂!
美眉好! 我也覺得這幾個非常好笑:)
美眉,周末快樂!
鬆鬆周末愉快！
謝謝鬆鬆分享，周末快樂！