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1 主啊為什麽是我 Why me lord
A man was wandering around in a field, thinking about how good his wife had been to him and how fortunate he was to have her, He asked God, “Why did you make her so kind hearted?"
The Lord responded, “So you could love her, my son."
"Why did you make her so good looking?"
"So you could love her, my son.”
"Why did you make her such a good cook?"
"So you could love her, my son."
The man thought about this.
Then he said," I don't mean to seem ungrateful or anything, but, why did you make her so stupid? "
"So she could love you, my son."
有名男子在田野裏徘徊心裏想著他的老婆對他有多麽好，他多麽幸運擁有她。他問上帝：“你為什麽要把她造得這麽心地善良？”
主響應說：“我的兒呀，這樣你就會愛她呀。”
“你為什麽要把她造得這麽貌美呢？”
“我的兒呀，這樣你就會愛她呀。”
“你為什麽要把她造成一個很會做飯菜的人呢？”
“我的兒呀，這樣你就會愛她呀。”
這名男子想了一下這件事。然後他說: “我並不是有意好像我不知好歹，或是其他什麽的, 可是，你為什麽把她造得這麽笨？”
“我的兒呀，這樣她就會愛你呀。”
2 守護天使 Guardian angle
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after a while he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: “Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?” the man asked, “Who are you? "
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked. “And where the hell were you when I got married?"
有一名男子正走在街上的時候聽到一個聲音：“站住！不要動! 如果你再走一步，就會有一個磚塊掉到你的頭上砸死你。”
這名男子停住了，一個大磚塊就掉在他的麵前。這名男子非常驚訝。他繼續向前走：不久後，他要穿越馬路。那個聲音再次叫說：“站住! 不要動，如果你再走一步，就會有一輛汽車輾過你，你就會死掉。”
這名男子就照著指示做，此時正好有一輛汽車左搖右晃地衝過轉角處，差一點撞上他。
這名男子問說：“你在哪裏？你是誰？”
這個聲音回答說：“我是你的守護天使。…”
這名男子問說：“喔，是嗎？那我結婚的時候：你死到哪裏去了？”
3 爬樓梯 Climbing the Stairs
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75story sky-scraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, Let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I will tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing, at the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!"
比爾，吉姆，和史考特一起參加一場會議，並且在一棟七十五層摩天大樓的頂樓合住一間大套房。在一整天的會議之後，他們非常驚訝地聽說他們飯店的電梯壞掉了，他們必須要爬七十五層的樓梯回到他們的房間。比爾對吉姆和史考特說，讓我們把精神集中在有趣的事情上，來打發這件令人不快又單調乏味的苦差事。前二十五層我來說笑話，後二十五層吉姆可以唱歌，剩下的路程史考特可以說些悲哀的故事。到了二十六層，比爾停止說笑話，吉姆開始唱歌。到了五十一層，吉姆停止唱歌，史考特開始說些悲哀的敬事。他說：“我要先說我最悲哀的故事，我把房間鑰匙留在車子裏麵了！”
4 為什麽 Why
A cemetery grounds keeper was going about his rounds when he saw a man lying on a grave, sobbing loudly and pounding his fits on the ground, "Why did you have to die?Oh,why?Why?Why?"he lamented. "A loved one's passing is a terrible lose.” The grounds keeper offered in consolation, "but someday, the pain will pass.”
"Love one?" the weeping man said, looking up.
"I didn't even know the guy."
"Then why all the tears?”
"He was my wife's first husband!"
“一位墓園管理員在巡視的時候，看見一名男子躺在墳墓上，大聲哭泣，並且用他的拳頭重重地敲打地麵．他悲痛地說："你為什麽一定要死？哦，為什麽？為什麽？為什麽？”
墓園管理員安慰他說“心愛的人死去是個很難受的損失，但是終有一天，傷痛會過去的。”
這位哭泣的男子抬起頭看著他說：“心愛的人？我根本不認識這個人。…”
"那為什麽要痛哭流涕呢？…"
"他是我老婆的笫一任老公呀！”
5 生氣的熊媽媽 Angry Mummy Bear
Baby bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge? “He squeaks.
Daddy bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair, He looks into his big bowl .It is also empty! "Who is been eating my porridge? “ He roars.
Mummy bear puts her head though the serving hatch from the kitchen and scream. "For God's sake, how many time do we have to go through this? I haven't made the porridge yet!"
熊寶寶走到樓下坐在他的小餐桌椅上。他窺探著他的小碗。碗是空的。他吱吱叫說：“誰吃了我的麥片粥？”
熊爸爸來到桌邊坐在他的大椅子上。他窺探著他的大碗.碗也是空的。他大聲吼叫說：“誰吃了我的麥片粥？”
熊媽媽把她的頭從廚房的端菜口伸出來尖聲叫著：“看在老天的份上，我們還得忍受這樣子多少次呢？我還沒做麥片粥啦！”
6 誰的兒子最偉大 Whose Son Is the Greatest
The mothers of four priests got together and were discussing their sons. "My son is a monsignor," said the first proud woman. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Monsignor'."
The second mother went on, "My son is a bishop. When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Excellency'."
"My son is a cardinal." continued the next one. "When he enters a room, people say, 'Hello, Your Eminence'.
"The fourth mother thought for a moment. "My son is six-foot-ten and weighs 300 pounds, "she said, "When he enters a room, people say, 'Oh, my God'!"
四位牧師的母親聚到一起談論她們的兒子。“我的兒子是個教士，”第一位母親自豪地說道，“他進入房間，人們都說，‘您好，閣下’。”
第二為母親說：“我的兒子是位主教。他進入房間，人們都稱，‘您好，大人’。”
“我的兒子是位紅衣主教，”第三位母親接著說，“他走進房間，人們都說，‘您好，尊敬的主教大人’。”
第四位母親略思片刻。“我的兒子身高六英尺十，體重三百磅，”她說，“他要是走入房間，人們都說‘哦，我的上帝’！”
(from internet)
問好閑閑客! 情人節快樂!
fengdaming好! 很高興你喜歡這兩個:)
fengdaming, 新周快樂!
點點好! 嗯, 爬樓的人真是遇到悲劇了~,愛情的維持真是比發生要難.
點點, 周末快樂!
問好canhe!
canhe, 周末快樂!
問好老姐!
很高興你喜歡, 周末快樂!
問好南南! 那位一定在吃後悔藥了:)
南南, 周末快樂!
小小好! 我這好像還沒發現問題:)
小小, 周末快樂!
抓緊時間趕快說一聲，鬆鬆周末快樂！沒準等會兒係統又要把我給踢出去了：（
曉青好! 很高興你喜歡:)
曉青, 周末快樂!
雪花好! 吃貨一家太可愛了:)
雪花, 周末快樂!
nycman好! 那位丈夫一定後悔結婚了:)
nycman, 周末快樂!
歡迎珍珠來玩, 周末快樂!
周末愉快！