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1 理智的交談 A Cerebra Conversation
A Sri一Lankian professor went to London on his sabbatical. After three months he was tired of English food and went to a butcher shop to buy something to allay his homesickness.
“Have you brain?”he asked the butcher.
The butcher stared at him for a minute then said，“If I had any，do you think I'd be working here?”
一位斯裏蘭卡教授到倫敦去修教學假。三個月以後他吃厭了英國的飯菜，就到肉鋪去買點東西來減輕他的思鄉之情。
“你有腦子嗎?”他問賣肉的。
賣肉的愣愣地看著他，半晌才說:“如果我有腦子，你想我還會在這兒幹嗎?”
2 相反的例子 An Opposite Example
An aesthetics professor’s grandson asked his grandfather，"grandpa，why did you say that all the false are ugly?”
"That is certainly true. Couldn't you give me an opposite example?”
“Oh，yes,"the grandson，climbing in his grandfather’s knee，said proudly，“Looking at yourself，when you put on your false teeth，you look younger and lively; when you get off them,you mouth looks empty and shriveled, which is really ugly Isn’t it an opposite example?”
The professor could find no answer.
美學教授的孫子問他爺爺:“爺爺，為什麽您說，一切假的都是醜的?”
“那當然了!難道你還能舉出相反的例子來?”
“能!”孫子爬上爺爺的膝頭，得意地說:“您瞧您自己一裝上假牙後又年輕又精神，拿掉假牙，嘴巴又空又癟，那才醜呢!這不是相反的例子嗎?”
教授無言以對。
3 他的足球能出來玩玩嗎 Can His Football Come To Play
A little boy knocked on the door of his classmate's house.When his classmate's mother answered，he said，
"Can Julian come out to play，please?”
“No，I am afraid not.”said Julian’s mother，"It is too wet.”
"Well，then，”asked the lad，"can his football come to play?”
小男孩在敲他同學家的門。他同學的媽媽來開門。他說:“朱利安能出來玩玩嗎?”
“不能，我恐怕不行。”朱利安的媽媽說，“外麵太濕了。”
“那麽，”小男孩又問，“他的足球能出來玩嗎?”
4 一個感人的告別 A Touching Farewell
Two old friends were out golfing. As they were'preparing to tee off near a road, a funeral cortege drove by and one of the two friends took off his hat and held it over his heart until the line of cars had passed. "Well, that was good manners on your part," said his partner. "Oh, it was the least I could do. After all we would have been married thirty years next Tuesday. "
兩個老朋友出外打高爾夫球，當他們在一處路旁準備開球時，一列出殯送葬車隊恰巧經過那裏，其中一位朋友脫去帽子放在胸前，直到車隊通過後才戴上帽子。“你這樣做實在很有禮貌，”他的同伴說道。“喔，那隻不過是我最起碼所能做的事了。畢竟，到下星期二我們結婚就滿三十年了。”
5 六個月之後 In Six Months
A school leaver was being interviewed for a job as an office boy.
"You will get five pounds a week to start off with,”said the boss，"And then after six months you will get ten pounds a week.”
"Right，"said the lad.“I will come back in six months.”
一個中途輟學的孩子想當辦公室勤務員，正在接受麵試。
“剛開始每周隻給你五英鎊，”老板說，“半年以後每周增加到十英鎊。”
“好，”那男孩說，“那麽我六個月以後再來上班。”
6 免驚啦！No Worries
At the swimming pool one day, a child asked his mother,
"Mommy, Mommy, can I go swimming?"
"Certainly not, darling. The water's much too deep. "
"But Daddy's swimming, Mommy."
"Your daddy's insured, sweetheart."
在遊泳池旁，一個小孩問他媽媽，
“媽咪，媽咪，我可不可以下去遊泳？”
“親愛的，當然不可以，水太深了。”
“可是爸爸不是在遊泳嗎？媽咪！”
“你爸爸有保險啊，甜心。”
(from internet)
嗯,說得有理.
fengdaming,新周快樂!
嗯,真是好可愛:)
問好家mm!
點點好! 小朋友的確聰明哈,找不來小朋友,要個足球也行:)
點點,周末快樂!
nycman好! 現在許多假的比真的要美.
看了你的"秦可卿原型大揭秘", 那"論病細窮源"很有偵探小說的味道:)
nycman,周末快樂!
貝卡好! 小朋友就想玩足球:)
貝卡, 周末快樂!
canhe好! 很高興你喜歡:)
canhe,周末快樂!
凡事沒有絕對。
周末愉快。
Songsong, thank you so much for sharing these amusing jokes as always. Have a wonderful weekend.