1 一個金發美女和她的熱水瓶 A Blonde and Her Thermos
At work, a blonde notices her that cubicle mate has a thermos.
She asks him what it's for, and he responds, "It keeps hot things hot, and cold things cold."
The blonde immediately buys one. The next day, she goes to work and proudly displays it.
Her cube mate asks, "What do you have in it?"
The blonde says, "Soup and ice cream."
在上班的時候,一個金發美女注意到她的室友有一個保溫瓶。
她問他那是做什麽用的,他回答:“它能給熱的東西保溫,給涼的東西冷藏。”
金發美女當即就買了一個。第二天,她去上班的時候驕傲地展示著她的保溫瓶。
她的室友問:“你裏麵放什麽了?”
金發美女說:“湯和冰淇淋。”
2 第一次坐飛機 First Flight
Mr. Johnson had never been up in an airplane before and he had read a lot about air accidents, so one day when a friend offered to take him for a ride in his own small plane, Mr. Johnson was very worried about accepting. Finally, however, his friend persuaded him that it was very safe, and Mr. Johnson boarded the plane.
His friend started the engine and began to taxi onto the runway of the airport. Mr. Johnson had heard that the most dangerous part of a flight were the take-off and the landing, so he was extremely frightened and closed his eyes.
After a minute or two he opened them again, looked out of the window of the plane, and said to his friend, "Look at those people down there. They look as small as ants, don't they?"
"Those are ants," answered his friend. "We're still on the ground."
約翰遜先生從前未乘過飛機,他讀過許多關於飛行事故的報道。所以,有一天一位朋友邀請他乘自己的小飛機飛行時,約翰遜先生非常擔心,不敢接受。不過,由於朋友不斷保證說飛行是很安全的,約翰遜先生終於被說服了,登上了飛機。
他的朋友啟動引擎開始在機場跑道上滑行。約翰遜先生聽說飛行中最危險的是起飛與降落,所以他嚇得緊閉雙眼。
過了一兩分鍾,他睜開雙眼朝窗外望去,接著對朋友說道:“看下麵那些人,他們看起來就象螞蟻一樣小,是不是?”
“那些就是螞蟻,”他的朋友答道,“我們還在地麵上。”
3 第一次與最後一次 My First and My Last
When George was thirty-five, he bought a small plane and learned to fly it. He soon became very good and made his plane do all kinds of tricks.
George had a friend. His name was Mark. One day George offered to take Mark up in his plane. Mark thought, "I've travelled in a big plane several times, but I've never been in a small one, so I'll go."
They went up, and George flew around for half an hour and did all kinds of tricks in the air.
When they came down again, Mark was very glad to be back safely, and he said to his friend in a shaking voice, "Well, George, thank you very much for those two trips in your plane."
George was very surprised and said, "Two trips?"
"Yes, my first and my last," answered Mark.
喬治35歲時買了架小型飛機,並開始學習駕駛。不久,他就能很嫻熟地駕機做各種各樣的特技飛行了。
喬治有個朋友名叫馬克。一天,喬治主動邀請馬克乘他的飛機上天兜一圈。馬克心想,“我乘大客機飛行過好幾次,還從來沒有乘過小飛機,我不妨試一試。”
升空後,喬治飛了有半個小時,在空中做了各種各樣的飛行特技。
後來他們著陸了。馬克很高興能夠安全返回地麵。他用顫抖的聲音對他的朋友說:“喬治,非常感謝你讓我乘小飛機做了兩次飛行。”
喬治非常吃驚地問:“兩次飛行?”
“是的,我的第一次和最後一次。”馬克答道。
4 釘子還是蒼蠅?A Nail Or A Fly?
An old gentleman whose eyesight was failing came to stay in a hotel room with a bottle of wine in each hand. On the wall there was a fly which he took for a nail. So the moment he hung them on, the bottles fell broken and the wine spilt all over the floor. When a waitress discovered what had happened, she showed deep sympathy for him and decided to do him a favor.
So the next morning when he was out taking a walk in the roof garden, she hammered a nail exactly where the fly had stayed.
Now the old man entered his room. The smell of the spilt wine reminded him of the accident. When he looked up at the wall, he found the fly was there again! He walked to it carefully and slapped it with all his strength. On hearing a loud cry, the kind-hearted waitress rushed in. To her great surprise, the poor old man was there sitting on the floor, his teeth clenched and his right hand bleeding!
一位視力正在衰退的老紳士住進了一家旅館的客房。他雙手各拿一瓶酒。在牆上有隻蒼蠅,他誤以為是枚釘子。他把兩隻瓶子朝上一掛,瓶子掉下來摔碎了,酒灑了一地。一個女服務員發現發生的事情以後,對他深表同情,決定幫他個忙。
於是,第二天早上他到樓頂花園散步時,她把一枚釘子釘在了蒼蠅停過的地方。
這裏,老人回到了房裏。倒灑的酒味讓他想起了那件事。他抬頭往牆上一看,蒼蠅又停在了那兒!他輕手輕腳地走近,使盡全力拍了一掌。聽到一聲大叫,好心的女服務員衝進房來。讓她大為吃驚的是,可憐的老頭正坐在地板上,牙關緊咬,右手滴血不止。
5 角色逆轉 Reversal of Roles
Barbara Walters did a story on gender roles in Kuwait several years before the Gulf War. She noted then that women customarily walked about 10 feet behind their husbands.
She returned to Kuwait recently and observed that the men now walked several yards behind their wives.
Ms. Walters approached one of the women and said, "This is marvelous.
Can you tell me and the free world just what enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles?"
"Landmines," said the Kuwaiti woman. . .
芭芭拉·沃爾特斯寫了海灣戰爭前在科威特幾年的性別角色的故事。她指出,女性習慣走在她們的丈夫背後大約10英尺的地方。
最近她回到了科威特並發現,現在的男人走到他們的妻子後麵幾碼。
沃爾特斯女士走近其中一名婦女說:“這真是了不起的。
你能告訴我,是自由世界讓這裏的女性實現這一奇妙的角色逆轉?“
“地雷”科威特婦女答道. . .
6 未能通過數學考試 Failing the math test
A ten-year-old Jewish boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis; but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.
After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went straight past them, right to his room and quietly closed the door.
For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime.
This pattern of behavior continued until it was time for the first quarter's report card. The boy walked in with it unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it and, to her amazement, she saw a large red 'A' under the subject of Math.
Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress. "Was it the nuns that did it?" the father asked.
The boy shook his head and said "No."
"Was it the one-to-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"No", said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I KNEW they meant business!"
一個10歲的猶太男孩未能通過數學考試。他的父母嚐試了一切,從教師到催眠; 但無濟於事。最後,在一個家庭的朋友的堅持下,他們決定報名參加他們的兒子在一所私立天主教學校。
第一天後,男孩的父母驚訝地發現,在放學後他表情嚴肅凝重還很堅定地從他們身邊經過,徑直進入他的房間,靜靜地關上了門。
近兩個小時裏,他關在自己的房間 - 數學的書籍散落了他的書桌和周圍的地麵。他用了足夠的時間來吃飯,後迅速清理他的盤子,徑直回到自己的房間,關上了門,並狂熱地工作學習,直到睡覺時間。
這種行為模式一直持續到第一季度的成績單出來的時候。男孩走了進來,把未開封的成績單放在餐桌上,並徑直回到他的房間。他的母親小心翼翼的打開了它,讓她吃驚的是,她看到一個大紅色的'A' 在數學的科目下。
大喜過望,她和丈夫衝進兒子的房間,高興他顯著的進展。“是不是修女地功勞?”父親問。
男孩搖搖頭說:“不是。”
“是不是一對一的單輔導?同伴的幫助?”
“不是。”
“教科書?老師?課程?”
“不是”,兒子說。“在第一天,當我走在前門,看見那家夥釘在十字架上,我就知道他們是認真的!”
(from Internet)
wawale好! 你好聰明啊, 看了開頭就知道結尾了:)
wawale,周末快樂!
問好點點! 特技飛行真不是每個人都能承受的,耶穌的力量的確偉大:)
點點,周末快樂!
哈哈, 雪花, 黑發的智商無需置疑:)
雪花, 周末快樂!
nycman好! 小家夥一誤解, 效果還特別好:)
nycman,周末快樂!
周末愉快!
謝謝家mm點評:)
周末快樂!
哈哈,含嫣,這大概是紅顏遭妒吧:)
含嫣,周末快樂!
小小好! 我家也沒暖水瓶,但有個電熱水壺,幾分鍾就能燒開,水開後如果不拔插座可以繼續保溫.不過我們喝涼白開都沒問題,所以水開了就拔了電了.
小小,周末快樂!
說到暖水瓶,在國內是每家必備,可來美國後,發現美國人家庭都不用暖水瓶似的,
鬆鬆家有暖水瓶嗎?我家現在木有,喝水就用咖啡機現煮,或冷水進微波爐打幾分鍾,哈哈:))
謝謝鬆鬆分享,周末快樂!
Thanks Rebecca, I am glad you like it:)
Rebecca, have a nice weekend!
Songsong, have a nice weekend.