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周末一笑: 丈夫的休息日

(2014-12-20 05:04:04) 下一個
1 丈夫的休息日 The Day off from Work
    My husband was enjoying the day off from work and watched me scurry about the house. I picked up his dirty clothes, put away his work shoes, carried out his popcorn bowl from the previous night's football viewing, washed the breakfast dishes, wiped the coffee he'd spilled and ironed his shirts. Seeing a thoughtful look on his lace, I wondered if he was beginning to realize just how much unnecessary work he created for me. Maybe he would offer to help. "A penny for your thoughts," I said.
    "I was thinking," he replied, "that one of the things I like best about you is how you always find ways to keep yourself busy."   

    丈夫正在過休息日,他看著我在屋子裏來回奔忙。我撿起他在髒衣服,將他工作時穿的鞋子放到一邊,拿走前一天晚上他看橄欖球時放在旁邊放爆米花的碗,洗早餐的盤子,擦去他濺出的咖啡,熨他的襯衣。看到他臉上若有所思的神情,我想他是不是開始意識到他給我添了許多不必要的麻煩,也許他還會幫幫忙呢!“給你一分錢,告訴我你在想什麽?”
    “我在想,”他回答道,“你總能找到辦法使自己忙個不停。這一點我很喜歡。”

2 翅膀 Wings

    The fried-chicken restaurant where I was working had a big rush just before closing one day, leaving us with nothing to sell but wings. As I was about to lock the doors, a quietly intoxicated customer came in and ordered dinner. When I asked if wings would be all right, he leaned over the counter and replied, "Lady, I came in here to eat, not fly."

    一天,我工作的炸雞店在關門前出現了一陣搶購狂潮,結果除了雞翅外所有的東西都賣完了。當我正準備鎖門時,一名喝醉了的旅客進來要進餐。我問他翅膀行不行,他從櫃台上靠過身子來,回答道:“女士,我到這兒來是吃東西的,不是要飛!”

3 太有禮貌 Too Polite

    A woman who frequented a small antique shop rarely purchase anything, but always found fault with the merchandise and prices. The manager and her salesclerk took the woman's grumpy complaints in stride, but one day she went too far. "Why is it I never manage to get what I ask for in your shop?" demanded the woman.
    A smile on her face, the clerk calmly replied, "Perhaps it's because we're too polite."     

    一名婦女經常光顧一家小古董店,但幾乎從不買什麽東西,卻總是對商品和價格吹毛求疵。對於那婦女的粗暴抱怨,經理和她的銷售員總是應付了事,但是有一天她做得太過分了。“為什麽你們店裏總是不能得到我想要的東西?”那名婦女指責說。
    職員臉上帶著微笑,沉著地回答道:“也許是因為我們太有禮貌了。”

4 絕配 Perfect Match

    A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase that she decides to have her bedroom painted the same color as the vase. Several painters try to match the shade, but none comes close enough to satisfy the eccentric woman.
    Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mix the proper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and the painter becomes famous.
    Years later, he retires and turns the business over to his son. "Dad," says the son, "there's something I've got to know. How did you get those walls to match the vase so perfectly?"
    "Son," the father replies, "I painted the vase."

        一位富婆為擁有一隻珍貴的古玩而深感驕傲,以至於她竟要把臥室漆成與花瓶同樣的顏色。幾名油漆匠試圖調出這個底色,但是誰也沒有能令那位怪癖的婦女滿意。
    最後來了位油漆匠。他非常自信能調出那種顏色。那婦女對他的成果非常滿意,油漆匠於是一舉成名。
    多年以後,他退休了,生意也交給兒子。“爸,”兒子說,“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎樣使牆的顏色與花瓶配得那麽絕的?”
    “兒子,”父親回答說,“我漆了花瓶。”

5 催單 Reminder

    In the veterinary office where I'm a technician, we mail out reminders when pets are due for vaccinations. Bruno, a German shepherd, arrived for his annual rabies shot, and we were required by state law to ask his owner if Bruno had bitten anyone in the last ten days. "Oh yes, in fact that's why we're here," she replied. Surprised, I told her we assumed they'd come in because of our reminder.
    "We did," she explained. "Bruno bit the mail carrier who was delivering your card."

        我是一家獸醫站的技師。當動物到了該注射疫苗的時候,我們就寄出催單。一條德國物質牧羊犬布魯諾來做每年一次的狂犬疫苗注射。我們依照州法律的要求詢問他的主人,在過去的十天裏布魯諾是否咬了什麽人。“噢,是的。事實上這正是我們到這兒來的原因,”她回答說。我覺得奇怪,告訴她我們以為他們是因為收到了我們的催單才來的。
    “的確如此,”她解釋道。“布魯諾咬了送你們催單的郵遞員。”

6 照相機 Camera

    On our way to a wedding in Vermont, my husband and I realized we had forgotten our camera. We stopped at a general store and, hoping to purchase a cheap, disposable model. Sal asked the owner, "Do you have any of those throwaway cameras?"
    "Look, fella," replied the owner, "I don't care what you do with it after you buy it."

        在前往威蒙特參加一個婚禮的路上,我和丈夫意識到我們忘了帶照相機。我們在一家百貨商店門前停了下來,希望能夠買到一種便宜的,一次性照相機。薩爾問店主:“你們有那種用了就扔的照相機嗎?”
    “我說,小夥子,”店主回答說,“我可不管你買了之後怎麽處理它。”

(from internet)
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閱讀 () ┆ 評論 (28)
評論
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:21:31 回複 悄悄話 回複 'fengdaming' 的評論 :
fengdaming好!
謝謝喜歡,祝闔家聖誕新年快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:19:55 回複 悄悄話 回複 '南胖子' 的評論 :
南南好! 嗯,油漆工聰明,醉漢有趣:)
祝南南闔家聖誕新年快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:18:17 回複 悄悄話 回複 '百步' 的評論 :
百步好!
歡迎來玩,祝闔家聖誕新年快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:17:27 回複 悄悄話 回複 '美麗風景' 的評論 :
美麗好! 都是從網上找的:)
祝美麗闔家聖誕新年快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:16:48 回複 悄悄話 回複 '日落雲霞' 的評論 :
問好雲霞!
祝雲霞闔家聖誕新年快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:15:50 回複 悄悄話 回複 '含嫣' 的評論 :
問好含嫣!
祝含嫣全家聖誕新年快樂！
南山鬆 2014-12-21 05:14:08 回複 悄悄話 回複 '叔丁' 的評論 :
問好叔丁!
叔丁,周末愉快！聖誕快樂！
fengdaming 2014-12-21 04:59:06 回複 悄悄話 幽默！謝謝你。
南胖子 2014-12-21 01:20:00 回複 悄悄話 哈哈哈！油漆工真聰明，醉漢回答地太有水準了。
百步 2014-12-21 01:17:34 回複 悄悄話 史料不及
美麗風景 2014-12-20 19:07:15 回複 悄悄話 鬆鬆哪裏找到這些搞笑的段子？ 笑死銀：)
日落雲霞 2014-12-20 18:33:01 回複 悄悄話 很機智幽默！問好鬆鬆！
祝鬆鬆聖誕新年快樂！
含嫣 2014-12-20 17:49:46 回複 悄悄話 開懷笑一笑，心情大好。

問候鬆鬆，全家聖誕新年快樂！
叔丁 2014-12-20 17:39:02 回複 悄悄話 鬆鬆周末愉快！聖誕快樂！
南山鬆 2014-12-20 16:48:08 回複 悄悄話 回複 'nycman' 的評論 :
nycman好! 第四個確有意思:)
nycman, 周末聖誕快樂!
nycman 2014-12-20 14:03:49 回複 悄悄話 第四個大有深意呀。
周末愉快！
南山鬆 2014-12-20 12:50:22 回複 悄悄話 回複 '林貝卡' 的評論 :
Thanks Rebecca,I am glad you like it:)
Rebecca, have a nice holiday!
南山鬆 2014-12-20 12:49:19 回複 悄悄話 回複 '小聲音' 的評論 :
哈哈, 還真真有厲害的, 有手機就不在乎照相機了~~~
小小, 聖誕快樂如意!
林貝卡 2014-12-20 11:57:28 回複 悄悄話 Hilarious jokes. Thanks. Songsong, have a wonderful holiday weekend.
小聲音 2014-12-20 11:25:12 回複 悄悄話 哈哈哈，這個丈夫咋這麽油墨咧：）））
是啊，照相機買了不用就扔，因為現在有手機了^o^
鬆鬆周末快樂，聖誕新年快樂！
南山鬆 2014-12-20 10:46:25 回複 悄悄話 回複 '紅石榴花' 的評論 :
謝謝紅石榴花喜歡:)
歡迎紅石榴花來玩,聖誕快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-20 10:45:22 回複 悄悄話 回複 '一幀手繪書簽' 的評論 :
一幀好! 也祝你聖誕快樂如意!
南山鬆 2014-12-20 10:44:41 回複 悄悄話 回複 '小西門' 的評論 :
謝謝小西門喜歡:)
歡迎來玩,聖誕快樂!
南山鬆 2014-12-20 10:44:07 回複 悄悄話 回複 'spot321' 的評論 :
點點好! 那個丈夫應該看出來妻子都是在收拾他的東西:) 油漆匠的確聰明, 店夥計的回答有趣:)
謝謝點點欣賞,聖誕快樂!
紅石榴花 2014-12-20 08:00:22 回複 悄悄話 醉漢和油漆匠的有意思！
一幀手繪書簽 2014-12-20 07:53:54 回複 悄悄話 周末到你這笑幾笑，嗬嗬哈哈嗬嗬哈哈！
祝南山鬆聖誕快樂！
小西門 2014-12-20 06:23:53 回複 悄悄話 逗，絕對幽默！????
spot321 2014-12-20 06:21:43 回複 悄悄話 這個丈夫很不錯嘛，還懂得如何表揚妻子，哈哈。是啊，機智的油漆匠和多金的蠢富婆的確是一雙絕配。照相機店的夥計說得也沒錯，隻要人們願意，什麽品種的照相機都可以拿來仍。謝謝小鬆的辛勤，祝周末愉快並節日快樂！
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