周末一笑: 誰是對的

1 誰是對的 Who is right

 

    After the couple’s quarreling, the husband shouted: “You should remember that no matter what time it is, what the man is thinking of is right, and his judgment is correct, but you women are always do the opposite.”

    The wife answered, “Yes, that you chose me to be your wife is right,  but my choosing you as my husband is a big mistake!”

 

    夫妻吵架後,丈夫嚷道:“你該記住,無論什麽時候,男人的思考都是對的,判斷準確無誤,而女人卻恰恰相反。”

    妻子回答道:“是呀,你選我做妻子是絕對正確的,而選你做丈夫是大錯特錯!”

 

2 成為大人物的方法 A way to become an important person

 

The middle aged couple already had eight children, and Lula May was pregnant with her ninth. Finally she convinced her husband to get a vasectomy.

On the morning of the operation, she was surprised to see her husband putting on a tuxedo and getting into a limousine for the short ride to the hospital.

"Say, honey, what's all this about?" asked Lula May.

"Baby, if you gonna be important, you gotta look important．"

 

一對中年夫婦已有八個小孩，而魯拉·梅又懷了第九個小孩,最後她說服了她先生去做男性絕育手術。

手術的早晨，她驚訝地看見她老公穿著禮服，乘坐一輛禮車到不遠的醫院去。

"親愛的，這是怎麽一回事啊?魯拉·梅問道。"

"寶貝，如果你想當名大人物的話，就要讓人一看就知道你很重要！"

 

3 為愛而亡 Die for Love

 

If you refuse to marry me, he swore, I shall die.

She refused him.

Sixty years later, he died.

 

如果你不答應嫁給我，他發誓，我就要去死。

她拒絕了他。

六十年後，他死了。

 

4 欠揍的理發師 The barber needs to be spanked

 

Being rather bald I have long been used to comforting myself on a visit to the hairdresser with the opening gambit “Grass doesn’t grow on a busy street.”

However I was not prepared for the response of one barber, “We always say there’s no sense in putting a roof on an empty barn.”

 

每次去美發中心的時候，我總是以一句自我安慰的話，來提及我那近乎禿頂的腦袋，“繁華的馬路不會長草。”

沒想到，有位理發師這樣應了我一句：“我們是認為，荒蕪的土地就不需要有屋頂。”

 

5 不想見到你  Don’t want to see you again

 

Judge: I thought I told you I never wanted to see you in here again.

Defendant: Your Honor, that’s what I tried to tell the police, but they wouldn’t listen.

 

法官：我記得我跟你說永遠不想在這見到你。

被告：法官大人，我是這麽跟警察說的，可是他們不聽。

 

6 士兵的高招 A Soldier's Brilliant Idea

 

Mr. Robinson had to travel somewhere on business, and as he was in a hurry, he decided to go by air. He liked sitting beside a window when he was flying, so when he got on to the plane, he looked for a window seat. He found all of them had already had been taken except for one. There was a soldier sitting in the seat beside this one, and Mr. Robinson was surprised that he had not taken the one by the window; but, anyhow, he at once went towards it.

When he reached it, however, he saw that there was a notice on it. It was written in ink and said, "This seat is preserved for proper load balance, thank you." Mr. Robinson had never seen such an unusual notice in a plane before, but he thought that the plane must be carrying something particularly heavy in it, so he walked on and found another empty seat, not beside a window, to sit in.

Two or three people tried to sit in the window seat beside the soldier, but they too read the notice and went on, when the plane was nearly full, a very beautiful girl hurried into the plane. The soldier, who was watching the passengers coming in, quickly took the notice off the seat beside himself and in this way succeededin having the company of the girl during the whole trip.

 

由於生意方麵的事，羅賓遜先生得出趟門。因為有點緊急，他決定坐飛機。乘機旅行時，他喜歡靠窗坐，故而一登機，他就尋找一個靠窗的座位。他發現隻有一個靠窗的座位還空著。在那空座位邊坐著一名士兵。令羅賓遜先生納悶的是，這位士兵沒有坐靠窗的位置。羅賓遜先生不管那些，他馬上徑直朝那個空座位走去。

然而，等到了那兒，他看見座位上有則啟事，是用鋼筆寫的：“為保持裝載平衡，特預設該位置，謝謝合作。”羅賓遜先生還從來沒有在飛機上見過如此不同尋常的啟事。不過，他想飛機上一定裝了什麽特別重的物品，於是他找了個不靠窗的位置。

又有兩三個乘客試圖坐在那個士兵旁的靠窗座位上，他們看到那則啟事就走開了。當快滿座時，一位非常美麗的姑娘匆匆走進機艙。一直在注意進艙旅客的那個士兵趕緊拿掉他旁邊空座位上的啟事。士兵用這種辦法，成功地找到了一位姑娘一路作伴。 
 

(from Internet)

 

[南山鬆]

回複 '美麗風景' 的評論 :
哈哈,就是:)
美麗,新周快樂!

[南山鬆]

回複 'spot321' 的評論 :
點點好!非常同意你說的種種:)
點點,新周快樂!

[美麗風景]

：) 要是年輕時遇到這麽可愛的士兵多好：)
鬆鬆周末愉快：)

[spot321]

嘿嘿，看來那個為愛亡的誓言原來就是個謊言。對於某些人來說，想出名就要不擇手段是全球通用的方法。那人真是一個“可憐”的被告，不相見法官卻被警察們“強行”帶去，法官大人隻好再次履行職責了。謝謝小鬆的周末輕鬆一刻，為大家帶來了美好的時光。祝好！

[南山鬆]

回複 '林貝卡' 的評論 :
Yes, Rebecca, a smart solider:)
Rebecca, have a nice weekend!

[林貝卡]

That soldier was really smart. LOL...
Songsong, have a nice weekend.