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周末一笑：丈夫對妻子的描述

(2014-11-15 04:35:59) 下一個

1 丈夫對妻子的描述 Husband’s Description of His Wife

Wife: "How would you describe me?"

Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."

Wife: "What does that mean?"

Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."

Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"

Husband: "I'm just kidding!"

妻子：“你怎麽形容我呢？”

丈夫：“ABCDEFGHIJK”。

妻子說：“這是什麽意思？”

丈夫：“可愛，漂亮，乖巧，清新脫俗，優雅，時尚，華麗，又性感。”

妻子說：“哦，謝謝你，那IJK是什麽意思呢？”

丈夫：“我隻是在開玩笑！”

2 一個好辦法 An Ingenious Idea

A man told the doctor that his wife had lost her voice and asked what he could do about it.

The doctor said, “Try getting home late some night. It’s good method.”

有個人對醫生說他的妻子不說話了,問他該怎麽辦。

醫生說:“你試試哪天晚上很晚才回家吧。這是個好辦法。”

3 酬薪問題 About Salary

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, "And what starting salary are you looking for?" The engineer replies, "In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package." The interviewer inquires, "Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks’ vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?" The engineer sits up straight and says, "Wow! Are you kidding?" The interviewer replies, "Yeah, but you started it."

在麵試快要結束時，人力資源部官員問一個年輕的剛從麻省理工學院畢業的工程師，“你希望起薪是多少？”工程師回答說：“根據福利每年$125,000美元。”麵試官詢問，“好，一年五個星期的假期，14個帶薪假期，全部醫療和牙科，公司配套的50％的工資的退休基金，而每兩年租賃公司的紅色的克爾維特汽車，你怎麽說？”工程師坐直身子說：“哇！你在開玩笑吧？”麵試官回答說：“是啊，但是你先開始的。”

4 獨特的考試形式 A Unique Examination

A professor was known for being a generous marker. The grades he gave for one of his courses were based solely on two exams，and the stuff on the exams was covered entirely in the textbook. As word of the course spread，each term there was a large group of students who turned up infrequently，or not at all，just showing up for the exams. Finally, it got so bad that one term，about half of the students never turned up at all until the exams. On the day of first exam，the students sat down and a graduate assistant handed out the papers， explaining，"The professor is ill，so I’II be taking the exams.”When they opened the booklet，the students discovered just one question. It listed twenty grainy staff photos，and the instructions read，"Circle the picture of the professor who teaches this course.”

州立教授給學生判分是有名的好好先生，他每門課的成績隻根據兩次考試的結果，而考試內容全在課本裏。由於這樣的名聲在外，每學期都有一大批學生不怎麽來上課，或者根本不來上課隻有考試的時候才露下麵。有一學期，差不多有一半的學生直到考試連一堂課都沒來聽過。考第一場那天，學生們坐在那兒，一位助教發了卷子並解釋說:“教授病了，我來監考。”打開卷子，隻有一道題。題目列出了20幅教師的照片，要求是，在教這門課的教授的照片上劃圈。

5 走私犯A Smuggler

The suspicious-looking man drove up to the border, where he was greeted by a sentry. When the guard looked in the trunk, he was surprised to find six sacks bulging at the seams.

"What's in here?" he asked.

"Dirt," the driver replied.

"Take them out," the guard instructed. "I want to check them."

Obliging, the man removed the bags, and sure enough, each one of them contained nothing but dirt. Reluctantly, the guard let him go.

A week later the man came back, and once again, the sentry looked in the truck.

"What's in the bags this time?" he asked.

"Dirt, more dirt." said the man.

Not believing him, the guard checked the sacks and, once again, he found nothing but soil.

The same thing happened every week for six months, and it finally became so frustrating to the guard that he quit and became a bartender. Then one night, the suspicious-looking fellow happened to stop by for a drink. Hurrying over to him, the former guard said, "Listen, pal, drinks are on the house tonight if you'll do me a favor: Just tell me what the hell you were smuggling all that time."

Grinning broadly, the man leaned close to the bartender's ear and whispered, "Cars."

一個形跡可疑的人開車來到邊境，哨兵迎了上去。哨兵在檢查汽車行李箱時，驚奇地發現了六個接縫處鼓得緊繃繃的大口袋。

　　“裏麵裝的是什麽？”他問道。

　　“土。”司機回答。

　　“把袋子拿出來”，哨兵命令道：“我要檢查。”

　　那人順從地把口袋搬了出來。確實，口袋裏除了土以外，別無他特。哨兵很不情願地讓他通過了。

　　一周後，那人又來了，哨兵再次檢查汽車上的行李箱。

　　“這次袋子裏裝的是什麽？”他問道。

　　“土，又運了一些土。”那人回答。

　　哨兵不相信，對那些袋子又進行了檢查，結果發現，除了土以外，仍舊一無所獲。

　　同樣的事情每周重演一次，一共持續了六個月。最後，哨兵被弄得灰心喪氣，幹脆辭職去當了酒吧侍者。有天夜裏，那個形跡可疑的人碰巧途經酒吧，下車喝酒。那位從前的哨兵急忙迎上前去對他說，“我說，老兄，你要是能幫我一個忙，今晚的酒就歸我請客。你能不能告訴我，那段時間你到底在走私什麽東西？”

　　那人俯身過來，湊近侍者的耳朵，裂開嘴笑嘻嘻地說：“汽車。”

6 零錢不用找了 Keep the Change

Selling secondhand books at our church bazaar, I got into an argument with a prospective customer. He was interested in buying The Pocket Book of Ogden Nash but claimed it was overpriced at 35 cents. Other paperbacks were selling for ten or 15 cents each.

I pointed out that the book was in good condition. Nash was a fun poet, and it was for a good cause. He said it was a matter of principle. Ultimately, I agreed to sell him the book for 15 cents. Triumphant, he paid with a $10 bill. "Keep the change," he said.

在教堂的義賣市上賣舊書時，我與一名準備買東西的顧客發生了一場爭論。他對購買袖珍奧金.納什集頗感興趣，但是說它要三十五美分開價過高。其它的平裝書每本才賣十或十五美分。

我指出這本書保存狀況頗好，納什是個有趣的詩人，這個要價是合理的。他說這是個原則問題。最終，我同意以十五美分的價格將這本書賣給他。他得意洋洋，拿出一張十美元的票子付帳。“零錢不用找了。”他說。

（from Internet)

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評論

南山鬆 2014-12-08 17:49:31 回複悄悄話回複 'fengdaming' 的評論 :
哈哈,有才,利害!

fengdaming 2014-12-06 12:56:55 回複悄悄話繼續往下編：
Wife: "I've never expected you will speak a single word of praise for me. Anyway the next one is L, can your say something about love? don't be so sarcastic !"
Husband: "Love means nothing!"

Wife: " Oh,people quit R said tired! shut up and go to hell! "

Husband:"OMG, Ur Victoria-style Wife.